Chapter 5 - Off Duty
"My dear girl, we shall have you sick in your bed, unless youkeep yourself warm and quiet for a few days. Widow Wadman cantake care of the ward alone, now the men are so comfortable, andhave her vacation when you are about again. Now do be prudent intime, and don't let me have to add a Periwinkle to my bouquet ofpatients."
This advice was delivered, in a paternal manner, by the youngestsurgeon in the hospital, a kind-hearted little gentleman, whoseemed to consider me a frail young blossom, that needed muchcherishing, instead of a tough old spinster, who had beenknocking about the world for thirty years. At the time I writeof, he discovered me sitting on the stairs, with a nice cloud ofunwholesome steam rising from the washroom; a party of Januarybreezes disporting themselves in the halls; and perfumes, by nomeans from "Araby the blest," keeping them company; while Ienjoyed a fit of coughing, which caused my head to spin in a waythat made the application of a cool banister both necessary andagreeable, as I waited for the frolicsome wind to restore thebreath I'd lost; cheering myself, meantime, with a secretconviction that pneumonia was waiting for me round the corner.This piece of advice had been offered by several persons for aweek, and refused by me with the obstinacy with which my sex isso richly gifted. But the last few hours had developed severalsurprising internal and external phenomena, which impressed uponme the fact that if I didn't make a masterly retreat very soon, Ishould tumble down somewhere, and have to be borne ignominiouslyfrom the field. My head felt like a cannon ball; my feet had atendency to cleave to the floor; the walls at times undulated ina most disagreeable manner; people looked unnaturally big; andthe "very bottles on the mankle shelf" appeared to dancederisively before my eyes. Taking these things intoconsideration. while blinking stupidly at Dr. Z., I resolved toretire gracefully, if I must; so, with a valedictory to my boys,a private lecture to Mrs. Wadman, and a fervent wish that I couldtake off my body and work in my soul, I mournfully ascended to myapartment, and Nurse P was reported off duty.
For the benefit of any ardent damsel whose patriotic fancy mayhave surrounded hospital life with a halo of charms, I willbriefly describe the bower to which I retired, in a somewhatruinous condition. It was well ventilated, for five panes ofglass had suffered compound fractures, which all the surgeons andnurses had failed to heal; the two windows were draped withsheets, the church hospital opposite being a brick and mortarArgus, and the female mind cherishing a prejudice in favor ofretiracy during the night-capped periods of existence. A barefloor supported two narrow iron beds, spread with thin mattresseslike plasters, furnished with pillows in the last stages ofconsumption. In a fire place, guiltless of shovel, tongs,andirons, or grate, burned a log inch by inch, being too long toto go on all at once; so, while the fire blazed away at one end,I did the same at the other, as I tripped over it a dozen times aday, and flew up to poke it a dozen times at night. A mirror (letus be elegant !) of the dimensions of a muffin, and about asreflective, hung over a tin basin, blue pitcher, and a brace ofyellow mugs. Two invalid tables, ditto chairs, wandered here andthere, and the closet contained a varied collection of bonnets,bottles, bags, boots, bread and butter, boxes and bugs. Thecloset was a regular Blue Beard cupboard to me; I always openedit with fear and trembling, owing to rats, and shut it in anguishof spirit; for time and space were not to be had, and chaosreigned along with the rats. Our chimney-piece was decorated witha flat-iron, a Bible, a candle minus stick, a lavender bottle, anew tin pan, so brilliant that it served nicely for a pier-glass,and such of the portly black bugs as preferred a warmer climatethan the rubbish hole afforded. Two arks, commonly called trunks,lurked behind the door, containing the worldly goods of the twainwho laughed and cried, slept and scrambled, in this refuge; whilefrom the white-washed walls above either bed, looked down thepictured faces of those whose memory can make for us -
"One little room an everywhere."
For a day or two I managed to appear at meals; for the human grubmust eat till the butterfly is ready to break loose, and no onehad time to come up two flights while it was possible for me tocome down. Far be it from me to add another affliction orreproach to that enduring man, the steward; for, compared withhis predecessor, he was a horn of plenty; but - I put it to anycandid mind - is not the following bill of fare susceptible ofimprovement, without plunging the nation madly into debt? Thethree meals were "pretty much of a muchness," and consisted ofbeef, evidently put down for the men of '76; pork, just in fromthe street; army bread, composed of saw-dust and saleratus;butter, salt as if churned by Lot's wife; stewed blackberries, somuch like preserved cockroaches, that only those devoid ofimagination could partake thereof with relish; coffee, mild andmuddy; tea, three dried huckleberry leaves to a quart ofwater - flavored with lime - also animated and unconscious of anyapproach to clearness. Variety being the spice of life, a smallpinch of the article would have been appreciated by the hungry,hard-working sisterhood, one of whom, though accustomed to plainfare, soon found herself reduced to bread and water; having aninborn repugnance to the fat of the land, and the salt of theearth.
Another peculiarity of these hospital meals was the rapidity withwhich the edibles vanished, and the impossibility of getting adrop or crumb after the usual time. At the first ring of thebell, a general stampede took place; some twenty hungry soulsrushed to the dining-room, swept over the table like a swarm oflocusts, and left no fragment for any tardy creature who arrivedfifteen minutes late. Thinking it of more importance that thepatients should be well and comfortably fed, I took my time aboutmy own meals for the first day or two after I came, but wasspeedily enlightened by Isaac, the black waiter, who bore with mea few times, and then informed me, looking as stern as fate:
"I say, mam, ef you comes so late you can't have novittles, - 'cause I'm 'bleeged fer ter git things ready fer dedoctors 'mazin' spry arter you nusses and folks is done. Degen'lemen don't kere fer ter wait, no more does I; so you jes'please ter come at de time, and dere won't be no frettin'nowheres."
It was a new sensation to stand looking at a full table,painfully conscious of one of the vacuums which Nature abhors,and receive orders to right about face, without partaking of thenourishment which your inner woman clamorously demanded. Thedoctors always fared better than we; and for a moment a desperateimpulse prompted me to give them a hint, by walking off with themutton, or confiscating the pie. But Ike's eye was on me, and, tomy shame be it spoken, I walked meekly away; went dinnerless thatday, and that evening went to market, laying in a small stock ofcrackers, cheese and apples, that my boys might not be neglected,nor myself obliged to bolt solid and liquid dyspepsias, orstarve. This plan would have succeeded admirably had not the evilstar under which I was born, been in the ascendant during thatmonth, and cast its malign influences even into my " 'umble "larder; for the rats had their dessert off my cheese, the bugsset up housekeeping in my cracker bag, and the apples like allworldly riches, took to themselves wings and flew away; whitherno man could tell, though certain black imps might have thrownlight upon the matter, had not the plaintiff in the case beenloth to add another to the many trials of long-suffering.Africa. After this failure I resigned myself to fate, and,remembering that bread was called the staff of life, leanedpretty exclusively upon it; but it proved a broken reed, and Icame to the ground after a few weeks of prison fare, varied by anoccasional potato or surreptitious sip of milk.
Very soon after leaving the care of my ward, I discovered that Ihad no appetite, and cut the bread and butter interests almostentirely, trying the exercise and sun cure instead. Flatteringmyself that I had plenty of time, and could see all that was tobe seen, so far as a lone lorn female could venture in a city,one-half of whose male population seemed to be taking the otherhalf to the guard-house, - every morning I took a brisk run in onedirection or another; for the January days were as mild asSpring. A rollicking north wind and occasional snow storm wouldhave been more to my taste, for the one would have braced andrefreshed tired body and soul, the other have purified the air,and spread a clean coverlid over the bed, wherein the capital ofthese United States appeared to be dozing pretty soundly justthen.
One of these trips was to the Armory Hospital, the neatness,comfort, and convenience of which makes it an honor to itspresiding genius, and arouses all the covetous propensities ofsuch nurses as came from other hospitals to visit it.
The long, clean, warm, and airy wards, built barrack-fashion,with the nurse's room at the end, were fully appreciated by NursePeriwinkle, whose ward and private bower were cold, dirty,inconvenient, up stairs and down stairs, and in every body'schamber. At the Armory, in ward K, I found a cheery, bright-eyed,white-aproned little lady, reading at her post near the stove;matting under her feet; a draft of fresh air flowing in above herhead; a table full of trays, glasses, and such matters, on oneside, a large, well-stocked medicine chest on the other; and allher duty seemed to be going about now and then to give doses,issue orders, which well-trained attendants executed, and pet,advise, or comfort Tom, Dick, or Harry, as she found best. As Iwatched the proceedings, I recalled my own tribulations, andcontrasted the two hospitals in a way that would have caused mysummary dismissal, could it have been reported at headquarters.Here, order, method, common sense and liberality reigned andruled, in a style that did one's heart good to see; at the Hurlyburly Hotel, disorder, discomfort, bad management, and no visiblehead, reduced things to a condition which I despair ofdescribing. The circumlocution fashion prevailed, forms andfusses tormented our souls, and unnecessary strictness in oneplace was counterbalanced by unpardonable laxity in another. Hereis a sample: I am dressing Sam Dammer's shoulder; and, havingcleansed the wound, look about for some strips of adhesiveplaster to hold on the little square of wet linen which is tocover the gunshot wound; the case is not in the tray; Frank, thesleepy, half-sick attendant, knows nothing of it; we rummage highand low; Sam is tired, and fumes; Frank dawdles and yawns; themen advise and laugh at the flurry; I feel like a boiling tea-kettle, with the lid ready to fly off and damage somebody.
"Go and borrow some from the next ward, and spend the rest of theday in finding ours," I finally command. A pause; then Frankscuffles back with the message: "Miss Peppercorn ain't got none,and says you ain't no business to lose your own duds and goborrowin' other folkses;." I say nothing, for fear of saying toomuch, but fly to the surgery. Mr. Toddypestle informs me that Ican't have anything without an order from the surgeon of my ward.Great heavens! where is he? and away I rush, up and down, hereand there, till at last I find him, in a state of bliss over acomplicated amputation, in the fourth story. I make my demand; beanswers: "In five minutes," and works away, with his head upsidedown, as he ties an artery, saws a bone, or does a little needle-work, with a visible relish and very sanguinary pair of hands.The five minutes grow to fifteen, and Frank appears, with theremark that, "Dammer wants to know what in thunder you arekeeping him there with his finger on a wet rag for?" Dr. P. tearshimself away long enough to scribble the order, with which Iplunge downward to the surgery again, find the door locked, and,while hammering away on it, am told that two friends are waitingto see me in the hall. The matron being away, her parlor islocked, and there is nowhere to see my guests but in my own room,and no time to enjoy them till the plaster is found. I settlethis matter, and circulate through the house to find Toddypestle,who has no right, to leave the surgery till night. He isdiscovered in the dead house, smoking a cigar; and very much theworse for his researches among the spirituous preparations thatfill the surgery shelves. He is inclined to be gallant, and putsthe finishing blow to the fire of my wrath; for the tea-kettlelid flies off, and driving him before me to his post, I flingdown the order, take what I choose; and, leaving the absurdincapable kissing his hand to me, depart, feeling, as GrandmaRiglesty is reported to have done, when she vainly sought forchips, in Bimleck Jackwood's "shifless paster."
I find Dammer a well acted charade of his own name, and, just asI get him done, struggling the while with a burning desire toclap an adhesive strip across his mouth, full of heaven-defyingoaths, Frank takes up his boot to put it on, and exclaims:
"I'm blest ef here ain't that case now! I recollect seeing itpitch in this mornin', but forgot all about it, till my heel wentsmash inter it. Here, ma'am, ketch hold on it, and give the boysa sheet on't all round, 'gainst it tumbles inter t'other bootnext time yer want it."
If a look could annihilate, Francis Saucebox would have ceased toexist; but it couldn't; therefore, he yet lives, to aggravatesome unhappy woman's soul, and wax fat in some equally congenialsituation.
Now, while I'm freeing my mind, I should like to enter my protestagainst employing convalescents as attendants, instead of strong,properly trained, and cheerful men. How it may be in other placesI cannot say; but here it was a source of constant trouble andconfusion, these feeble, ignorant men trying to sweep, scrub,lift, and wait upon their sicker comrades. One, with a diseasedheart, was expected to run up and down stairs, carry heavy trays,and move helpless men; he tried it, and grew rapidly worse thanwhen he first came: and, when he was ordered out to march away tothe convalescent hospital, fell, in a sort of fit, before heturned the corner, and was brought back to die. Another, hurt bya fall from his horse, endeavored to do his duty, but failedentirely, and the wrath of the ward master fell upon the nurse,who must either scrub the rooms herself, or take the lecture; forthe boy looked stout and well, and the master never happened tosee him turn white with pain, or hear him groan in his sleep whenan involuntary. motion strained his poor back. Constantcomplaints were being made of incompetent attendants, and somedozen women did double duty, and then were blamed for breakingdown. If any hospital director fancies this a good and economicalarrangement, allow one used up nurse to tell him it isn't, andbeg him to spare the sisterhood, who sometimes, in theirsympathy, forget that they are mortal, and run the risk of beingmade immortal, sooner than is agreeable to their partial friends.
Another of my few rambles took me to the Senate Chamber, hopingto hear and see if this large machine was run any better thansome small ones I knew of. I was too late, and found theSpeaker's chair occupied by a colored gentleman of ten; while twoothers were "on their legs," having a hot debate on the cornballquestion, as they gathered the waste paper strewn about the floorinto bags; and several white members played leap-frog over thedesks, a much wholesomer relaxation than some of the olderSenators indulge in, I fancy. Finding the coast clear, I likewisegambolled up and down, from gallery to gallery; sat in Sumner'schair. and cudgelled an imaginary Brooks within an inch of hislife; examined Wilson's books in the coolest possible manner;warmed my feet at one of the national registers; read people'snames on scattered envelopes, and pocketed a castaway autographor two; watched the somewhat unparliamentary proceedings going onabout me, and wondered who in the world all the sedate gentlemenwere, who kept popping out of odd doors here and there, likerespectable Jacks-in-the-box. Then I wandered over the "palatialresidence" of Mrs. Columbia, and examined its many beauties,though I can't say I thought her a tidy housekeeper, and didn'tadmire her taste in pictures, for the eye of this humbleindividual soon wearied of expiring patriots, who all appeared tobe quitting their earthly tabernacles in convulsions, ruffledshirts, and a whirl of torn banners, bomb shells, and buff andblue arms and legs. The statuary also was massive and concrete,but rather wearying to examine; for the colossal ladies andgentlemen, carried no cards of introduction in face or figure;so, whether the meditative party in a kilt, with well-developedlegs, shoes like army slippers, and a ponderous nose, wasColumbus, Cato, or Cockelorum Tibby, the tragedian, was more thanI could tell. Several robust ladies attracted me; but which wasAmerica and which Pocahontas was a mystery; for all affected muchlooseness of costume, dishevelment of hair, swords, arrows,lances, scales, and other ornaments quite passe with damsels ofour day, whose effigies should go down to posterity armed withfans, crochet needles, riding whips, and parasols, with here andthere one holding pen or pencil, rolling-pin or broom. The statueof Liberty I recognized at once, for it had no pedestal as yet,but stood flat in the mud, with Young America most symbollicallymaking dirt pies, and chip forts, in its shadow. But high abovethe squabbling little throng and their petty plans, the sun shonefull on Liberty's broad forehead, and, in her hand, some summerbird had built its nest. I accepted the good omen then, and, onthe first of January, the Emancipation Act gave the statue anobler and more enduring pedestal than any marble or granite evercarved and quarried by human bands.
One trip to Georgetown Heights, where cedars sighed overhead,dead leaves rustled underfoot, pleasant paths led up and down,and a brook wound like a silver snake by the blackened ruins ofsome French Minister's house, through the poor gardens of theblack washerwomen who congregated there, and, passing thecemetery with a murmurous lullaby, rolled away to pay its littletribute to the river. This breezy run was the last I took; for,on the morrow, came rain and wind: and confinement soon proved apowerful reinforcement to the enemy, who was quietly preparing tospring a mine, and blow me five hundred miles from the position Ihad taken in what I called my Chickahominy Swamp.
Shut up in my room, with no voice, spirits, or books, that weekwas not a holiday, by any means. Finding meals a humbug, Istopped away altogether, trusting that if this sparrow was of anyworth, the Lord would not let it fall to the ground. Like a flockof friendly ravens, my sister nurses fed me, not only with foodfor the body, but kind words for the mind; and soon, from beinghalf starved, I found myself so beteaed and betoasted, petted andserved, that I was quite "in the lap of luxury," in spite ofcough, headache, a painful consciousness of my pleura, and arealizing sense of bones in the human frame. From the pleasanthouse on the hill, the home in the heart of Washington, and theWillard caravansary, came friends new and old, with bottles,baskets, carriages and invitations for the invalid; and daily ourFlorence Nightingale climbed the steep stairs, stealing a momentfrom her busy life, to watch over the stranger, of whom she wasas thoughtfully tender as any mother. Long may she wave! Whateverothers may think or say, Nurse Periwinkle is forever grateful;and among her relics of that Washington defeat, none is morevalued than the little book which appeared on her pillow, onedreary day; for the D D. written in it means to her far more thanDoctor of Divinity.
Being forbidden to meddle with fleshly arms and legs, I solacedmyself by mending cotton ones, and, as I sat sewing at my window,watched the moving panorama that passed below; amusing myselfwith taking notes of the most striking figures in it. Long trainsof army wagons kept up a perpetual rumble from morning tillnight; ambulances rattled to and fro with busy surgeons, nursestaking an airing, or convalescents going in parties to be fittedto artificial limbs. Strings of sorry looking horses passed,saying as plainly as dumb creatures could, "Why, in a city fullof them, is there no horsepital for us?" Often a cart came by,with several rough coffins in it and no mourners following;baroucbes, with invalid officers, rolled round the corner, andcarriage loads of pretty children, with black coachmen, footmen,and maids. The women who took their walks abroad, were soextinguished in three story bonnets, with overhanging balconies offlowers, that their charms were obscured; and all I can say ofthem is that they dressed in the worst possible taste, and walkedlike ducks.
The men did the picturesque, and did it so well that Washingtonlooked like a mammoth masquerade. Spanish hats, scarlet linedriding cloaks, swords and sashes, high boots and bright spurs,beards and mustaches, which made plain faces comely, and comelyfaces heroic; these vanities of the flesh transformed ourbutchers, bakers, and candlestick makers into gallant riders ofgaily caparisoned horses, much handsomer than themselves; anddozens of such figures were constantly prancing by, with privateprickings of spurs, for the benefit of the perambulating flower-bed. Some of these gentlemen affected painfully tight uniforms,and little caps, kept on by some new law of gravitation, as theycovered only the bridge of the nose, yet never fell off; the menlooked like stuffed fowls, and rode as if the safety of thenation depended on their speed alone. The fattest, greyestofficers dressed most, and ambled statelily along, with orderliesbehind, trying to look as if they didn't know the stout party infront, and doing much caracoling on their own account.
The mules were my especial delight; and an hour's study of aconstant succession of them introduced me to many of theircharacteristics; for six of these odd little beasts drew eacharmy wagon, and went hopping like frogs through the stream of mudthat gently rolled along the street. The coquettish mule hadsmall feet, a nicely trimmed tassel of a tail, perked up ears,and seemed much given to little tosses of the head, affectedskips and prances; and, if he wore the bells, or were bedizzenedwith a bit of finery, put on as many airs as any belle. The moralmule was a stout, hard-working creature, always tugging with allhis might; often pulling away after the rest had stopped,laboring under the conscientious delusion that food for theentire army depended upon his private exertions. I respected thisstyle of mule; and had I possessed a juicy cabbage, would havepressed it upon him, with thanks for his excellent example. Thehistorical mule was a melo-dramatic quadruped, prone to startlinghumanity by erratic leaps, and wild plunges, much shaking of hisstubborn head, and lashing out of his vicious heels; now and thenfalling flat and apparently dying a la Forrest: a gasp - asquirm - a flop, and so on, till the street was well blocked up,the drivers all swearing like demons in bad hats, and the chiefactor's circulation decidedly quickened by every variety of kick,cuff jerk, and haul. When the last breath seemed to have left hisbody, and "Doctors were in vain," a sudden resurrection tookplace; and if ever a mule laughed with scornful triumph, that wasthe beast, as he leisurely rose, gave a comfortable shake, andcalmly regarding the excited crowd seemed to say - "A hit! adecided hit! for the stupidest of animals has bamboozled a dozenmen. Now, then! what are you stopping the way for?" The patheticmule was, perhaps, the most interesting of all; for, though healways seemed to be the smallest, thinnest, weakest of the six,the postillion, with big boots, long-tailed coat, and heavy whip,was sure to bestride this one, who struggled feebly along, headdown, coat muddy and rough, eye spiritless and sad, his very taila mortified stump, and the whole beast a picture of meek misery,fit to touch a heart of stone. The jovial mule was a roly poly,happy-go-lucky little piece of horse-flesh, taking everythingeasily, from cudgeling to caressing; strolling along with aroguish twinkle of the eye, and, if the thing were possible,would have had his hands in his pockets, and whistled as he went.If there ever chanced to be an apple core, a stray turnip, orwisp of hay, in the gutter, this Mark Tapley was sure to find it,and none of his mates seemed to begrudge him his bite. Isuspected this fellow was the peacemaker, confidant and friend ofall the others, for he had a sort of "Cheer-up,-old-boy,-I'll-pull-you-through" look, which was exceedingly engaging.
Pigs also possessed attractions for me, never having had anopportunity of observing their graces of mind and manner, till Icame to Washington, whose porcine citizens appeared to enjoy alarger liberty than many of its human ones. Stout, sedate lookingpigs, hurried by each morning to their places of business, with apreoccupied air, and sonorous greeting to their friends. Genteelpigs, with an extra curl to their tails, promenaded in pairs,lunching here and there, like gentlemen of leisure. Rowdy pigspushed the passers by off the side walk; tipsy pigs hiccoughedtheir version of "We wont go home till morning," from the gutter;and delicate young pigs tripped daintily through the mud, as if,like "Mrs. Peerybingle," they plumed themselves upon theirankles, and kept themselves particularly neat in point ofstockings. Maternal pigs, with their interesting families,strolled by in the sun; and often the pink, baby-like squealerslay down for a nap, with a trust in Providence worthy of humanimitation.
But more interesting than officers, ladies, mules, or pigs, weremy colored brothers and sisters, because so unlike therespectable members of society I'd known in moral Boston.
Here was the genuine article - no, not the genuine article at all,we must go to Africa for that - but the sort of creaturesgenerations of slavery have made them: obsequious, trickish, lazyand ignorant, yet kind-hearted, merry-tempered, quick to feel andaccept the least token of the brotherly love which is slowlyteaching the white hand to grasp the black, in this greatstruggle for the liberty of both the races.
Having been warned not to be too rampant on the subject ofslavery, as secesh principles flourished even under therespectable nose of Father Abraham, I had endeavored to walkdiscreetly, and curb my unruly member; looking about me with allmy eyes, the while, and saving up the result of my observationsfor future use. I had not been there a week before the neglected,devil-may care expression in many of the faces about me, seemedan urgent appeal to leave nursing white bodies, and take somecare for these black souls. Much as the lazy boys and saucy girlstormented me, I liked them, and found that any show of interestor friendliness brought out the better traits which live in themost degraded and forsaken of us all. I liked their cheerfulness,for the dreariest old hag, who scrubbed all day in thatpestilential steam, gossipped and grinned all the way out, whennight set her free from drudgery. The girls romped with theirdusky sweethearts, or tossed their babies, with the tender pridethat makes mother-love a beautifier to the homeliest face. Themen and boys sang and whistled all day long; and often, as I heldmy watch, the silence of the night was sweetly broken by somechorus from the street, full of real melody, whether the song wasof heaven, or of hoe-cakes; and, as I listened, I felt that wenever should doubt nor despair concerning a race which, throughsuch griefs and wrongs, still clings to this good gift, and seemsto solace with it the patient hearts that wait and watch and hopeuntil the end.
I expected to have to defend myself from accusations of prejudiceagainst color; but was surprised to find things just the otherway, and daily shocked some neighbor by treating the blacks as Idid the whites. The men would swear at the "darkies," would puttwo gs into negro, and scoff at the idea of any good coming fromsuch trash. The nurses were willing to be served by the coloredpeople, but seldom thanked them, never praised, and scarcelyrecognized them in the street; whereat the blood of twogenerations of abolitionists waxed hot in my veins, and, at thefirst opportunity, proclaimed itself, and asserted the right offree speech as doggedly as the irrepressible Folsom herself.
Happening to catch up a funny little black baby, who was toddlingabout the nurses' kitchen, one day, when I went down to make amess for some of my men, a Virginia woman standing by elevatedher most prominent features, with a sniff of disapprobation,exclaiming:
"Gracious, Miss P.! how can you? I've been here six months. andnever so much as touched the little toad with a poker."
"More shame for you, ma'am," responded Miss P.; and, with thenatural perversity of a Yankee, followed up the blow by kissing"the toad," with ardor. His face was providentially as clean andshiny as if his mamma had just polished it up with a corner ofher apron and a drop from the tea-kettle spout, like old AuntChloe, This rash act, and the anti-slavery lecture that followed,while one hand stirred gruel for sick America, and the otherhugged baby Africa, did not produce the cheering result which Ifondly expected; for my comrade henceforth regarded me as adangerous fanatic, and my protege nearly came to his death byinsisting on swarming up stairs to my room, on all occasions, andbeing walked on like a little black spider.
I waited for New Year's day with more eagerness than I had everknown before; and, though it brought me no gift, I felt rich inthe act of justice so tardily performed toward some of thoseabout me. As the bells rung midnight, I electrified my room-mateby dancing out of bed, throwing up the window, and flapping myhandkerchief, with a feeble cheer, in answer to the shout of agroup of colored men in the street below. All night they tootedand tramped, fired crackers, sung "Glory, Hallelujah," and tookcomfort, poor souls! in their own way. The sky was clear, themoon shone benignly, a mild wind blew across the river, and allgood omens seemed to usher in the dawn of the day whose noontidecannot now be long in coming. If the colored people had takenhands and danced around the White House, with a few cheers forthe much abused gentleman who has immortalized himself by onejust act, no President could have had a finer levee, or one to beprouder of.
While these sights and sounds were going on without, curiousscenes were passing within, and I was learning that one of thebest methods of fitting oneself to be a nurse in a hospital, isto be a patient there; for then only can one wholly realize whatthe men suffer and sigh for; how acts of kindness touch and win;how much or little we are to those about us; and for the firsttime really see that in coming there we have taken our lives inour hands, and may have to pay dearly for a brief experience.Every one was very kind; the attendants of my ward often came upto report progress, to fill my wood box, or bring messages andpresents from my boys. The nurses took many steps with thosetired feet of theirs, and several came each evening, to chat overmy fire and make things cozy for the night. The doctors paiddaily visits, tapped at my lungs to see if pneumonia was within,left doses without names, and went away, leaving me as ignorant,and much more uncomfortable than when they came. Hours began toget confused; people looked odd; queer faces haunted the room,and the nights were one long fight with weariness and pain.Letters from home grew anxious; the doctors lifted theireyebrows, and nodded ominously; friends said "Don't stay," and aninternal rebellion seconded the advice; but the three months werenot out, and the idea of giving up so soon was proclaiming adefeat before I was fairly routed; so to all "Don't stays" Iopposed "I wills," till, one fine morning, a gray-headedgentleman rose like a welcome ghost on my hearth; and, at thesight of him, my resolution melted away, my heart turned traitorto my boys, and, when he said, "Come home," I answered, "Yes,father;" and so ended my career as an army nurse.
I never shall regret the going, though a sharp tussle withtyphoid, ten dollars, and a wig, are all the visible results ofthe experiment; for one may live and learn much in a month. Agood fit of illness proves the value of health; real danger triesone's mettle; and self-sacrifice sweetens character. Let no onewho sincerely desires to help the work on in this way, delaygoing through any fear; for the worth of life lies in theexperiences that fill it, and this is one which cannot beforgotten. All that is best and bravest in the hearts of men andwomen, comes out in scenes like these; and, though a hospital isa rough school, its lessons are both stern and salutary; and thehumblest of pupils there, in proportion to his faithfulness,learns a deeper faith in God and in himself. I, for one, wouldreturn tomorrow, on the "up-again,-and-take-another" principle,if I could; for the amount of pleasure and profit I got out ofthat month compensates for all the pangs; and, though a sadlywomanish feeling, I take some satisfaction in the thought that,if I could not lay my head on the altar of my country, I have myhair; and that is more than handsome Helen did for her deadhusband, when she sacrificed only the ends of her ringlets on hisurn. Therefore, I close this little chapter of hospitalexperiences, with the regret that they were no better worthrecording; and add the poetical gem with which I console myselffor the untimely demise of "Nurse Periwinkle:"