Chapter 13 - Nat's New Year
'I don't expect to hear from Emil yet, and Nat writes regularly, butwhere is Dan? Only two or three postals since he went. Such anenergetic fellow as he is could buy up all the farms in Kansas bythis time,' said Mrs Jo one morning when the mail came in and no cardor envelope bore Dan's dashing hand.
'He never writes often, you know, but does his work and then comeshome. Months and years seem to mean little to him, and he is probablyprospecting in the wilderness, forgetful of time,' answered Mr Bhaer,deep in one of Nat's long letters from Leipzig.
'But he promised he would let me know how he got on, and Dan keepshis word if he can. I'm afraid something has happened to him'; andMrs Jo comforted herself by patting Don's head, as he came at thesound of his master's name to look at her with eyes almost human intheir wistful intelligence.
'Don't worry, Mum dear, nothing ever happens to the old fellow.He'll turn up all right, and come stalking in some day with agold-mine in one pocket and a prairie in the other, as jolly as agrig,' said Ted, who was in no haste to deliver Octoo to her rightfulowner.
'Perhaps he has gone to Montana and given up the farm plan. He seemedto like Indians best, I thought'; and Rob went to help his motherwith her pile of letters and his cheerful suggestions.
'I hope so, it would suit him best. But I am sure he would have toldus his change of plan and sent for some money to work with. No, Ifeel in my prophetic bones that something is wrong,' said Mrs Jo,looking as solemn as Fate in a breakfast-cap.
'Then we shall hear; ill news always travels fast. Don't borrowtrouble, Jo, but hear how well Nat is getting on. I'd no idea the boywould care for anything but music. My good friend Baumgarten haslaunched him well, and it will do him good if he lose not his head. Agood lad, but new to the world, and Leipzig is full of snares for theunwary. Gott be with him!'
The Professor read Nat's enthusiastic account of certain literary andmusical parties he had been to, the splendours of the opera, thekindness of his new friends, the delight of studying under such amaster as Bergmann, his hopes of rapid gain, and his great gratitudeto those who had opened this enchanted world to him.
'That, now, is satisfactory and comfortable. I felt that Nat hadunsuspected power in him before he went away; he was so manly andfull of excellent plans,' said Mrs Jo, in a satisfied tone.
'We shall see. He will doubtless get his lesson and be the better forit. That comes to us all in our young days. I hope it will not be toohard for our good Jungling,' answered the Professor, with a wisesmile, remembering his own student life in Germany.
He was right; and Nat was already getting his lesson in life with arapidity which would have astonished his friends at home. Themanliness over which Mrs Jo rejoiced was developing in unexpectedways, and quiet Nat had plunged into the more harmless dissipationsof the gay city with all the ardour of an inexperienced youth takinghis first sip of pleasure. The entire freedom and sense ofindependence was delicious, for many benefits began to burden him,and he longed to stand on his own legs and make his own way. No oneknew his past here; and with a well-stocked wardrobe, a handsome sumat his banker's, and the best teacher in Leipzig, he made his debutas a musical young gentleman, presented by the much-respectedProfessor Bhaer and the wealthy Mr Laurence, who had many friendsglad to throw open their houses to his protege. Thanks to theseintroductions, his fluent German, modest manners, and undeniabletalent, the stranger was cordially welcomed, and launched at onceinto a circle which many an ambitious young man strove in vain toenter.
All this rather turned Nat's head; and as he sat in the brilliantopera-house, chatted among the ladies at some select coffee-party, orwhisked an eminent professor's amiable daughter down the room, tryingto imagine she was Daisy, he often asked himself if this gay fellowcould be the poor homeless little Street musician who once stoodwaiting in the rain at the gates of Plumfield. His heart was true,his impulses good, and his ambitions high; but the weak side of hisnature came uppermost here; vanity led him astray, pleasureintoxicated him, and for a time he forgot everything but the delightsof this new and charming life. Without meaning to deceive, he allowedpeople to imagine him a youth of good family and prospects; heboasted a little of Mr Laurie's wealth and influence, of ProfessorBhaer's eminence, and the flourishing college at which he himself hadbeen educated. Mrs Jo was introduced to the sentimental Frauleins whoread her books, and the charms and virtues of his own dear Madchenconfided to sympathetic mammas. All these boyish boastings andinnocent vanities were duly circulated among the gossips, and hisimportance much increased thereby, to his surprise and gratification,as well as some shame.
But they bore fruit that was bitter in the end; for, finding that hewas considered one of the upper class, it very soon became impossiblefor him to live in the humble quarters he had chosen, or to lead thestudious, quiet life planned for him. He met other students, youngofficers, and gay fellows of all sorts, and was flattered at beingwelcomed among them; though it was a costly pleasure, and often lefta thorn of regret to vex his honest conscience. He was tempted totake better rooms in a more fashionable street, leaving good FrauTetzel to lament his loss, and his artist neighbour, FrauleinVogelstein, to shake her grey ringlets and predict his return, asadder and a wiser man.
The sum placed at his disposal for expenses and such simple pleasuresas his busy life could command seemed a fortune to Nat, though it wassmaller than generous Mr Laurie first proposed. Professor Bhaerwisely counselled prudence, as Nat was unused to the care of money,and the good man knew the temptations that a well-filled purse makespossible at this pleasure-loving age. So Nat enjoyed his handsomelittle apartment immensely, and insensibly let many unaccustomedluxuries creep in. He loved his music and never missed a lesson; butthe hours he should have spent in patient practice were too oftenwasted at theatre, ball, beer-garden, or club - doing no harm beyondthat waste of precious time, and money not his own; for he had novices, and took his recreation like a gentleman, so far. But slowly achange for the worse was beginning to show itself, and he felt it.These first steps along the flowery road were downward, not upward;and the constant sense of disloyalty which soon began to haunt himmade Nat feel, in the few quiet hours he gave himself, that all wasnot well with him, spite of the happy whirl in which he lived.
'Another month, and then I will be steady,' he said more than once,trying to excuse the delay by the fact that all was new to him, thathis friends at home wished him to be happy, and that society wasgiving him the polish he needed. But as each month slipped away itgrew harder to escape; he was inevitably drawn on, and it was so easyto drift with the tide that he deferred the evil day as long aspossible. Winter festivities followed the more wholesome summerpleasures, and Nat found them more costly; for the hospitable ladiesexpected some return from the stranger; and carriages, bouquets,theatre tickets, and all the little expenses a young man cannotescape at such times, told heavily on the purse which seemedbottomless at first. Taking Mr Laurie for his model, Nat became quitea gallant, and was universally liked; for through all the newlyacquired airs and graces the genuine honesty and simplicity of hischaracter plainly shone, winning confidence and affection from allwho knew him.
Among these was a certain amiable old lady with a musical daughter - well-born but poor, and very anxious to marry the aforesaiddaughter to some wealthy man. Nat's little fictions concerning hisprospects and friends charmed the gnadige Frau as much as his musicand devoted manners did the sentimental Minna. Their quiet parlourseemed homelike and restful to Nat, when tired of gayer scenes; andthe motherly interest of the elder lady was sweet and comfortable tohim; while the tender blue eyes of the pretty girl were always sofull of welcome when he came, of regret when he left, and ofadmiration when he played to her, that he found it impossible to keepaway from this attractive spot. He meant no harm, and feared nodanger, having confided to the Frau Mamma that he was betrothed; sohe continued to call, little dreaming what ambitious hopes the oldlady cherished, nor the peril there was in receiving the adoration ofa romantic German girl, till it was too late to spare her pain andhimself great regret.
Of course some inkling of these new and agreeable experiences gotinto the voluminous letters he never was too gay, too busy, or tootired to write each week; and while Daisy rejoiced over his happinessand success, and the boys laughed at the idea of 'old Chirper comingout as a society man', the elders looked sober, and said amongthemselves:
'He is going too fast; he must have a word of warning, or trouble maycome.'
But Mr Laurie said: 'Oh, let him have his fling; he's been dependentand repressed long enough. He can't go far with the money he has, andI've no fear of his getting into debt. He's too timid and too honestto be reckless. It is his first taste of freedom; let him enjoy it,and he'll work the better by and by; I know - and I'm sure I'm right.'
So the warnings were very gentle, and the good people waitedanxiously to hear more of hard study, and less of 'splendid times'.Daisy sometimes wondered, with a pang of her faithful heart, if oneof the charming Minnas, Hildegardes, and Lottchens mentioned were notstealing her Nat away from her; but she never asked, always wrotecalmly and cheerfully, and looked in vain for any hint of change inthe letters that were worn out with much reading.
Month after month slipped away, till the holidays came with gifts,good wishes, and brilliant festivities. Nat expected to enjoy himselfvery much, and did at first; for a German Christmas is a spectacleworth seeing. But he paid dearly for the abandon with which he threwhimself into the gaieties of that memorable week; and on New Year'sDay the reckoning came. It seemed as if some malicious fairy hadprepared the surprises that arrived, so unwelcome were they, somagical the change they wrought, turning his happy world into a sceneof desolation and despair as suddenly as a transformation at thepantomime.
The first came in the morning when, duly armed with costly bouquetsand bon-bons, he went to thank Minna and her mother for the bracesembroidered with forget-me-nots and the silk socks knit by the oldlady's nimble fingers, which he had found upon his table that day.The Frau Mamma received him graciously; but when he asked for thedaughter the good lady frankly demanded what his intentions were,adding that certain gossip which had reached her ear made itnecessary for him to declare himself or come no more, as Minna'speace must not be compromised.
A more panic-stricken youth was seldom seen than Nat as he receivedthis unexpected demand. He saw too late that his American style ofgallantry had deceived the artless girl, and might be used withterrible effect by the artful mother, if she chose to do it. Nothingbut the truth could save him, and he had the honour and honesty totell it faithfully. A sad scene followed; for Nat was obliged tostrip off his fictitious splendour, confess himself only a poorstudent, and humbly ask pardon for the thoughtless freedom with whichhe had enjoyed their too confiding hospitality. If he had any doubtsof Frau Schomburg's motives and desires, they were speedily set atrest by the frankness with which she showed her disappointment, thevigour with which she scolded him, and the scorn with which she casthim off when her splendid castles in the air collapsed.
The sincerity of Nat's penitence softened her a little and sheconsented to a farewell word with Minna, who had listened at thekeyhole, and was produced drenched in tears, to fall on Nat's bosom,crying: 'Ah, thou dear one, never can I forget thee, though my heartis broken!'
This was worse than the scolding; for the stout lady also wept, andit was only after much German gush and twaddle that he escaped,feeling like another Werther; while the deserted Lotte consoledherself with the bonbons, her mother with the more valuable gifts.
The second surprise arrived as he dined with Professor Baumgarten.His appetite had been effectually taken away by the scene of themorning, and his spirits received another damper when a fellowstudent cheerfully informed him that he was about to go to America,and should make it his agreeable duty to call on the 'lieber HerrProfessor Bhaer', to tell him how gaily his protege was disportinghimself at Leipzig. Nat's heart died within him as he imagined theeffect these glowing tales would have at Plumfield - not that he hadwilfully deceived them, but in his letters many things were leftuntold; and when Carlsen added, with a friendly wink, that he wouldmerely hint at the coming betrothal of the fair Minna and his'heart's friend', Nat found himself devoutly hoping that this otherinconvenient heart's friend might go to the bottom of the sea beforehe reached Plumfield to blast all his hopes by these tales of amis-spent winter. Collecting his wits, he cautioned Carlsen with whathe flattered himself was Mephistophelian art, and gave him suchconfused directions that it would be a miracle if he ever foundProfessor Bhaer. But the dinner was spoilt for Nat, and he got awayas soon as possible, to wander disconsolately about the streets, withno heart for the theatre or the supper he was to share with some gaycomrades afterwards. He comforted himself a little by giving alms tosundry beggars, making two children happy with gilded gingerbread,and drinking a lonely glass of beer, in which he toasted his Daisyand wished himself a better year than the last had been.
Going home at length, he found a third surprise awaiting him in theshower of bills which had descended upon him like a snowstorm,burying him in an avalanche of remorse, despair, and self-disgust.These bills were so many and so large that he was startled anddismayed; for, as Mr Bhaer wisely predicted, he knew little about thevalue of money. It would take every dollar at the bankers to pay themall at once, and leave him penniless for the next six months, unlesshe wrote home for more. He would rather starve than do that; and hisfirst impulse was to seek help at the gaming-table, whither his newfriends had often tempted him. But he had promised Mr Bhaer to resistwhat then had seemed an impossible temptation; and now he would notadd another fault to the list already so long. Borrow he would not,nor beg. What could he do? For these appalling bills must be paid,and the lessons go on; or his journey was an ignominious failure. Buthe must live meantime. And how? Bowed down with remorse for the follyof these months, he saw too late whither he was drifting, and forhours paced up and down his pretty rooms, floundering in a Slough ofDespond, with no helping hand to pull him out - at least he thought sotill letters were brought in, and among fresh bills lay one well-wornenvelope with an American stamp in the corner.
Ah, how welcome it was! how eagerly he read the long pages full ofaffectionate wishes from all at home! For everyone had sent a line,and as each familiar name appeared, his eyes grew dimmer and dimmertill, as he read the last - 'God bless my boy! Mother Bhaer' - he brokedown; and laying his head on his arms, blistered the paper with arain of tears that eased his heart and washed away the boyish sinsthat now lay so heavy on his conscience.
'Dear people, how they love and trust me! And how bitterly they wouldbe disappointed if they knew what a fool I've been! I'll fiddle inthe streets again before I'll ask for help from them!' cried Nat,brushing away the tears of which he was ashamed, although he felt thegood they had done.
Now he seemed to see more clearly what to do; for the helping handhad been stretched across the sea, and Love, the dear Evangelist, hadlifted him out of the slough and shown him the narrow gate, beyondwhich deliverance lay. When the letter had been reread, and onecorner where a daisy was painted, passionately kissed, Nat feltstrong enough to face the worst and conquer it. Every bill should bepaid, every salable thing of his own sold, these costly rooms givenup; and once back with thrifty Frau Tetzel, he would find work ofsome sort by which to support himself, as many another student did.He must give up the new friends, turn his back on the gay life, ceaseto be a butterfly, and take his place among the grubs. It was theonly honest thing to do, but very hard for the poor fellow to crushhis little vanities, renounce the delights so dear to the young, ownhis folly, and step down from his pedestal to be pitied, laughed at,and forgotten.
It took all Nat's pride and courage to do this, for his was asensitive nature; esteem was very precious to him, failure verybitter, and nothing but the inborn contempt for meanness and deceitkept him from asking help or trying to hide his need by somedishonest device. As he sat alone that night, Mr Bhaer's words cameback to him with curious clearness, and he saw himself a boy again atPlumfield, punishing his teacher as a lesson to himself, whentimidity had made him lie.
'He shall not suffer for me again, and I won't be a sneak if I am afool. I'll go and tell Professor Baumgarten all about it and ask hisadvice. I'd rather face a loaded cannon; but it must be done. ThenI'll sell out, pay my debts, and go back where I belong. Better be anhonest pauper than a jackdaw among peacocks'; and Nat smiled in themidst of his trouble, as he looked about him at the little eleganciesof his room, remembering what he came from.
He kept his word manfully, and was much comforted to find that hisexperience was an old story to the professor, who approved his plan,thinking wisely that the discipline would be good for him, and wasvery kind in offering help and promising to keep the secret of hisfolly from his friend Bhaer till Nat had redeemed himself.
The first week of the new year was spent by our prodigal in carryingout his plan with penitent dispatch, and his birthday found him alonein the little room high up at Frau Tetzel's, with nothing of hisformer splendour, but sundry unsalable keepsakes from the buxommaidens, who mourned his absence deeply. His male friends hadridiculed, pitied, and soon left him alone, with one or twoexceptions, who offered their purses generously and promised to standby him. He was lonely and heavy-hearted, and sat brooding over hissmall fire as he remembered the last New Year's Day at Plumfield,when at this hour he was dancing with his Daisy.
A tap at the door roused him, and with a careless 'Herein', he waitedto see who had climbed so far for his sake. It was the good Frauproudly bearing a tray, on which stood a bottle of wine and anastonishing cake bedecked with sugar-plums of every hue, and crownedwith candles. Fraulein Vogelstein followed, embracing a bloomingrose-tree, above which her grey curls waved and her friendly facebeamed joyfully as she cried:
'Dear Herr Blak, we bring you greetings and a little gift or two inhonour of this ever-to-be-remembered day. Best wishes! and may thenew year bloom for you as beautifully as we your heart-warm friendsdesire.'
'Yes, yes, in truth we do, dear Herr,' added Frau Tetzel. 'Eat ofthis with-joy-made Kuchen, and drink to the health of the far-awaybeloved ones in the good wine.'
Amused, yet touched by the kindness of the good souls, Nat thankedthem both, and made them stay to enjoy the humble feast with him.This they gladly did, being motherly women full of pity for the dearyouth, whose straits they knew, and having substantial help to offer,as well as kind words and creature comforts.
Frau Tetzel, with some hesitation, mentioned a friend of hers who,forced by illness to leave his place in the orchestra of asecond-rate theatre, would gladly offer it to Nat, if he could acceptso humble a position. Blushing and toying with the roses like a shygirl, good old Vogelstein asked if in his leisure moments he couldgive English lessons in the young ladies' school where she taughtpainting, adding that a small but certain salary would be paid him.
Gratefully Nat accepted both offers, finding it less humiliating tobe helped by women than by friends of his own sex. This work wouldsupport him in a frugal way, and certain musical drudgery promised byhis master assured his own teaching. Delighted with the success oftheir little plot, these friendly neighbours left him with cheerywords, warm hand-grasps, and faces beaming with feminine satisfactionat the hearty kiss Nat put on each faded cheek, as the only return hecould make for all their helpful kindness.
It was strange how much brighter the world looked after that; forhope was a better cordial than the wine, and good resolutions bloomedas freshly as the little rose-tree that filled the room withfragrance, as Nat woke the echoes with the dear old airs, finding nowas always his best comforter in music, to whom henceforth he swore tobe a more loyal subject.