Chapter 15 - Waiting
'My wife, I have bad news for thee,' said Professor Bhaer, coming inone day early in January.
'Please tell it at once. I can't bear to wait, Fritz,' cried Mrs Jo,dropping her work and standing up as if to take the shot bravely.
'But we must wait and hope, heart's-dearest. Come and let us bear ittogether. Emil's ship is lost, and as yet no news of him.'
It was well Mr Bhaer had taken his wife into his strong arms, for shelooked ready to drop, but bore up after a moment, and sitting by hergood man, heard all that there was to tell. Tidings had been sent tothe shipowners at Hamburg by some of the survivors, and telegraphedat once by Franz to his uncle. As one boat-load was safe, there washope that others might also escape, though the gale had sent two tothe bottom. A swift-sailing steamer had brought these scanty news,and happier ones might come at any hour; but kind Franz had not addedthat the sailors reported the captain's boat as undoubtedly wreckedby the falling mast, since the smoke hid its escape, and the galesoon drove all far asunder. But this sad rumour reached Plumfield intime; and deep was the mourning for the happyhearted Commodore, neverto come singing home again. Mrs Jo refused to believe it, stoutlyinsisting that Emil would outlive any storm and yet turn up safe andgay. It was well she clung to this hopeful view, for poor Mr Bhaerwas much afflicted by the loss of his boy, because his sister's sonshad been his so long he scarcely knew a different love for his veryown. Now was a chance for Mrs Juno to keep her word; and she did,speaking cheerily of Emil, even when hope waxed faint and her heartwas heavy. If anything could comfort the Bhaers for the loss of oneboy, it would have been the affection and sorrow shown by all therest. Franz kept the cable busy with his varying messages, Nat sentloving letters from Leipzig, and Tom harassed the shipping agents fornews. Even busy Jack wrote them with unusual warmth; Dolly and Georgecame often, bearing the loveliest flowers and the daintiest bon-bonsto cheer Mrs Bhaer and sweeten Josie's grief; while good-hearted Nedtravelled all the way from Chicago to press their hands and say, witha tear in his eye: 'I was so anxious to hear all about the dear oldboy, I couldn't keep away.'
'That's right comfortable, and shows me that if I didn't teach myboys anything else, I did give them the brotherly love that will makethem stand by one another all their lives,' said Mrs Jo, when he hadgone.
Rob answered reams of sympathizing letters, which showed how manyfriends they had; and the kindly praises of the lost man would havemade Emil a hero and a saint, had they all been true. The eldersbore it quietly, having learned submission in life's hard school; butthe younger people rebelled; some hoped against hope and kept up,others despaired at once, and little Josie, Emil's pet cousin andplaymate, was so broken-hearted nothing could comfort her. Nan dosedin vain, Daisy's cheerful words went by like the wind, and Bess'sdevices to amuse her all failed utterly. To cry in mother's arms andtalk about the wreck, which haunted her even in her sleep, was allshe cared to do; and Mrs Meg was getting anxious when Miss Cameronsent Josie a kind note bidding her learn bravely her first lesson inreal tragedy, and be like the self-sacrificing heroines she loved toact. That did the little girl good, and she made an effort in whichTeddy and Octoo helped her much; for the boy was deeply impressed bythis sudden eclipse of the firefly whose light and life all missedwhen they were gone, and lured her out every day for long drivesbehind the black mare, who shook her silvery bells till they madesuch merry music Josie could not help listening to it, and whiskedher over the snowy roads at a pace which set the blood dancing in herveins and sent her home strengthened and comforted by sunshine, freshair, and congenial society - three aids young sufferers seldom canresist.
As Emil was helping nurse Captain Hardy, safe and well, aboard theship, all this sorrow would seem wasted; but it was not, for it drewmany hearts more closely together by a common grief, taught somepatience, some sympathy, some regret for faults that lie heavy on theconscience when the one sinned against is gone, and all of them thesolemn lesson to be ready when the summons comes. A hush lay overPlumfield for weeks, and the studious faces on the hill reflected thesadness of those in the valley. Sacred music sounded from Parnassusto comfort all who heard; the brown cottage was beseiged with giftsfor the little mourner, and Emil's flag hung at half-mast on the roofwhere he last sat with Mrs Jo.
So the weeks went heavily by till suddenly, like a thunderbolt out ofa clear sky, came the news, 'All safe, letters on the way.' Then upwent the flag, out rang the college bells, bang went Teddy'slong-unused cannon, and a chorus of happy voices cried 'Thank God',as people went about, laughing, crying, and embracing one another ina rapture of delight. By and by the longed-for letters came, and allthe story of the wreck was told; briefly by Emil, eloquently by MrsHardy, gratefully by the captain, while Mary added a few tender wordsthat went straight to their hearts and seemed the sweetest of all.Never were letters so read, passed round, admired, and cried over asthese; for Mrs Jo carried them in her pocket when Mr Bhaer did nothave them in his, and both took a look at them when they said theirprayers at night. Now the Professor was heard humming like a big beeagain as he went to his classes, and the lines smoothed out of MotherBhaer's forehead, while she wrote this real story to anxious friendsand let her romances wait. Now messages of congratulation flowed in,and beaming faces showed everywhere. Rob amazed his parents byproducing a poem which was remarkably good for one of his years, andDemi set it to music that it might be sung when the sailor boyreturned. Teddy stood on his head literally, and tore about theneighbourhood on Octoo, like a second Paul Revere - only his tidingswere good. But best of all, little Josie lifted up her head as thesnowdrops did, and began to bloom again, growing tall and quiet, withthe shadow of past sorrow to tone down her former vivacity and showthat she had learned a lesson in trying to act well her part on thereal stage, where all have to take their share in the great drama oflife.
Now another sort of waiting began; for the travellers were on theirway to Hamburg, and would stay there awhile before coming home, asUncle Hermann owned the Brenda, and the captain must report to him.Emil must remain to Franz's wedding, deferred till now because of theseason of mourning, so happily ended. These plans were doubly welcomeand pleasant after the troublous times which went before, and nospring ever seemed so beautiful as this one; for, as Teddy put it:
Franz and Emil being regarded in the light of elder brothers by thereal 'sons of Bhaer'.
There was great scrubbing and dusting among the matrons as they settheir houses in order not only for Class Day, but to receive thebride and groom, who were to come to them for the honeymoon trip.Great plans were made, gifts prepared, and much joy felt at theprospect of seeing Franz again; though Emil, who was to accompanythem, would be the greater hero. Little did the dear souls dream whata surprise was in store for them, as they innocently laid their plansand wished all the boys could be there to welcome home their eldestand their Casablanca.
While they wait and work so happily, let us see how our other absentboys are faring as they too wait and work and hope for better days.Nat was toiling steadily along the path he had wisely chosen, thoughit was by no means strewn with flowers - quite thorny was it, in fact,and hard to travel, after the taste of ease and pleasure he had gotwhen nibbling at forbidden fruit. But his crop of wild oats was alight one, and he resolutely reaped what he had sowed, finding somegood wheat among the tares. He taught by day; he fiddled night afternight in the dingy little theatre, and he studied so diligently thathis master was well pleased, and kept him in mind as one to whompreferment was due, if any chance occurred. Gay friends forgot him;but the old ones stood fast, and cheered him up when Heimweh andweariness made him sad. As spring came on things mended - expensesgrew less, work pleasanter, and life more bearable than when wintrystorms beat on his thinly clad back, and frost pinched the toes thatpatiently trudged in old boots. No debts burdened him; the year ofabsence was nearly over; and if he chose to stay, Herr Bergmann hadhopes for him that would bring independence for a time at least. Sohe walked under the lindens with a lighter heart, and in the Mayevenings went about the city with a band of strolling students,making music before houses where he used to sit as guest. No onerecognized him in the darkness, though old friends often listened tothe band; and once Minna threw him money, which he humbly received aspart of his penance, being morbid on the subject of his sins.
His reward came sooner than he expected, and was greater than hedeserved, he thought, though his heart leaped with joy when hismaster one day informed him that he was chosen, with several other ofhis most promising pupils, to join the musical society which was totake part in the great festival in London the next July. Here wasnot only honour for the violinist but happiness for the man, as itbrought him nearer home, and would open a chance of further promotionand profit in his chosen profession.
'Make thyself useful to Bachmeister there in London with thy English,and if all goes well with him, he will be glad to take thee toAmerica, whither he goes in the early autumn for winter concerts.Thou hast done well these last months, and I have hopes of thee.'
As the great Bergmann seldom praised his pupils, these words filledNat's soul with pride and joy, and he worked yet more diligently thanbefore to fulfil his master's prophecy. He thought the trip toEngland happiness enough, but found room for more when, early inJune, Franz and Emil paid him a flying visit, bringing all sorts ofgood news, kind wishes, and comfortable gifts for the lonely fellow,who could have fallen on their necks and cried like a girl at seeinghis old mates again. How glad he was to be found in his little roombusy at his proper work, not living like an idle gentleman onborrowed money! How proud he was to tell his plans, assure them thathe had no debts, and receive their praises for his improvement inmusic, their respect for his economy and steadfastness in well-doing!How relieved when, having honestly confessed his shortcomings, theyonly laughed, and owned that they also had known like experiences,and were the wiser for them. He was to go to the wedding late inJune, and join his comrades in London. As best man, he could notrefuse the new suit Franz insisted on ordering for him; and a chequefrom home about that time made him feel like a millionaire - and ahappy one; for this was accompanied by such kind letters full ofdelight in his success, he felt that he had earned it, and waited forhis joyful holiday with the impatience of a boy.
Dan meantime was also counting the weeks till August, when he wouldbe free. But neither marriage-bells nor festival music awaited him;no friends would greet him as he left the prison; no hopeful prospectlay before him; no happy home-going was to be his. Yet his successwas far greater than Nat's, though only God and one good man saw it.It was a hard-won battle; but he would never have to fight soterrible a one again; for though enemies would still assail fromwithin and from without, he had found the little guide-book thatChristian carried in his bosom, and Love, Penitence, and Prayer, thethree sweet sisters, had given him the armour which would keep himsafe. He had not learned to wear it yet, and chafed against it,though he felt its value, thanks to the faithful friend who had stoodby him all that bitter year.
Soon he was to be free again, worn and scarred in the fray, but outamong men in the blessed sun and air. When he thought of it Dan feltas if he could not wait, but must burst that narrow cell and flyaway, as the caddis-worms he used to watch by the brookside shedtheir stony coffins, to climb the ferns and soar into the sky. Nightafter night he lulled himself to sleep with planning how, when he hadseen Mary Mason according to his promise, he would steer straight forhis old friends, the Indians, and in the wilderness hide his disgraceand heal his wounds. Working to save the many would atone for the sinof killing one, he thought; and the old free life would keep him safefrom the temptations that beset him in cities.
'By and by, when I'm all right again, and have something to tell thatI'm not ashamed of, I'll go home,' he said, with a quicker beat ofthe impetuous heart that longed to be there so intensely, he found itas hard to curb as one of his unbroken horses on the plains. 'Notyet. I must get over this first. They'd see and smell and feel theprison taint on me, if I went now, and I couldn't look them in theface and hide the truth. I can't lose Ted's love, Mother Bhaer'sconfidence, and the respect of the girls, for they did respect mystrength, anyway; but now they wouldn't touch me.' And poor Danlooked with a shudder at the brown fist he clenched involuntarily ashe remembered what it had done since a certain little white hand hadlaid in it confidingly. 'I'll make 'em proud of me yet; and no oneshall ever know of this awful year. I can wipe it out, and I will, sohelp me God!' And the clenched hand was held up as if to take asolemn oath that this lost year should yet be made good, ifresolution and repentance could work the miracle.