Chapter 23
"Come with me to my dwelling and I'll introduceyou to my daughters," said the Chief. "We'rebringing them up according to a book of rules thatwas written by one of our leading old bachelors,and everyone says they're a remarkable lot of girls."
So Scraps accompanied him along the street to ahouse that seemed on the outside exceptionallygrimy and dingy. The streets of this city were notpaved nor had any attempt been made to beautifythe houses or their surroundings, and havingnoticed this condition Scraps was astonished whenthe Chief ushered her into his home.
Here was nothing grimy or faded, indeed. On thecontrary, the room was of dazzling brilliance andbeauty, for it was lined throughout with anexquisite metal that resembled translucent frostedsilver. The surface of this metal was highlyornamented in raised designs representing men,animals, flowers and trees, and from the metalitself was radiated the soft light which floodedthe room. All the furniture was made of the sameglorious metal, and Scraps asked what it was.
"That's radium," answered the Chief. "WeHorners spend all our time digging radium fromthe mines under this mountain, and we use itto decorate our homes and make them pretty andcosy. It is a medicine, too, and no one can everbe sick who lives near radium."
"Have you plenty of it?" asked the PatchworkGirl.
"More than we can use. All the houses in thiscity are decorated with it, just the same as mineis."
don't you use it on your streets, then,and the outside of your houses, to make them aspretty as they are within?" she inquired.
"Outside? Who cares for the outside ofanything?" asked the Chief. "We Horners don't liveon the outside of our homes; we live inside. Manypeople are like those stupid Hoppers, who love tomake an outside show. I suppose you strangersthought their city more beautiful than ours,because you judged from appearances and they havehandsome marble houses and marble streets; but ifyou entered one of their stiff dwellings you wouldfind it bare and uncomfortable, as all their showis on the outside. They have an idea that what isnot seen by others is not important, but with usthe rooms we live in are our chief delight andcare, and we pay no attention to outside show."
"Seems to me," said Scraps, musingly, "itwould be better to make it all pretty--insideand out."
"Seems? Why, you're all seams, my girl!" saidthe Chief; and then he laughed heartily at hislatest joke and a chorus of small voices echoedthe chorus with "tee-hee-hee! ha, ha!"
Scraps turned around and found a row ofgirls seated in radium chairs ranged along onewall of the room. There were nineteen of them,by actual count, and they were of all sizes froma tiny child to one almost a grown woman. Allwere neatly dressed in spotless white robes andhad brown skins, horns on their foreheads andthreecolored hair.
"These," said the Chief, "are my sweetdaughters. My dears, I introduce to you MissScraps Patchwork, a lady who is traveling inforeign parts to increase her store of wisdom."
The nineteen Horner girls all arose and madea polite curtsey, after which they resumed theirseats and rearranged their robes properly.
"Why do they sit so still, and all in a row?"asked Scraps.
"Because it is ladylike and proper," replied theChief.
"But some are just children, poor things!Don't they ever run around and play and laugh,and have a good time?"
"No, indeed," said the Chief. "That would heimproper in young ladies, as well as in those whowill sometime become young ladies. My daughtersare being brought up according to the rules andregulations laid down by a leading bachelor whohas given the subject much study and is himself aman of taste and culture. Politeness is his greathobby, and he claims that if a child is allowed todo an impolite thing one cannot expect the grownperson to do anything better."
"Is it impolite to romp and shout and be jolly?"asked Scraps.
"Well, sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't,"replied the Horner, after considering thequestion. "By curbing such inclinations in mydaughters we keep on the safe side. Once in awhile I make a good joke, as you have heard, andthen I permit my daughters to laugh decorously;but they are never allowed to make a jokethemselves."
"That old bachelor who made the rules oughtto be skinned alive!" declared Scraps, and wouldhave said more on the subject had not the dooropened to admit a little Horner man whom theChief introduced as Diksey.
"What's up, Chief?" asked Diksey, winkingnineteen times at the nineteen girls, who demurelycast down their eyes because their father waslooking.
The Chief told the man that his joke had notbeen understood by the dull Hoppers, who hadbecome so angry that they had declared war. So theonly way to avoid a terrible battle was to explainthe joke so they could understand it.
"All right," replied Diksey, who seemed a good-natured man; "I'll go at once to the fence andexplain. I don't want any war with the Hoppers,for wars between nations always cause hardfeelings."
So the Chief and Diksey and Scraps left thehouse and went back to the marble picket fence.The Scarecrow was still stuck on the top of hispicket but had now ceased to struggle. On theother side of the fence were Dorothy and Ojo,looking between the pickets; and there, also,were the Champion and many other Hoppers.
Diksey went close to the fence and said:
"My good Hoppers, I wish to explain thatwhat I said about you was a joke. You have butone leg each, and we have two legs each. Ourlegs are under us, whether one or two, and westand on them. So, when I said you had lessunderstanding than we, I did not mean that youhad less understanding, you understand, butthat you had less standundering, so to speak.Do you understand that?"
The Hoppers thought it over carefully. Then onesaid:
"That is clear enough; but where does the jokecome in?'"
Dorothy laughed, for she couldn't help it,although all the others were solemn enough.
"I'll tell you where the joke comes in," shesaid, and took the Hoppers away to a distance,where the Horners could not hear them. "You know,"she then explained, "those neighbors of yours arenot very bright, poor things, and what they thinkis a joke isn't a joke at all--it's true, don'tyou see?"
"True that we have less understanding?" askedthe Champion.
"Yes; it's true because you don't understandsuch a poor joke; if you did, you'd be no wiserthan they are."
"Ah, yes; of course," they answered, lookingvery wise.
"So I'll tell you what to do," continuedDorothy. "Laugh at their poor joke and tell 'emit's pretty good for a Horner. Then they won'tdare say you have less understanding, because youunderstand as much as they do."
The Hoppers looked at one another questioninglyand blinked their eyes and tried to think what itall meant; but they couldn't figure it out.
"What do you think, Champion?" asked one ofthem.
"I think it is dangerous to think of this thingany more than we can help," he replied. "Let us doas this girl says and laugh with the Horners, soas to make them believe we see the joke. Thenthere will be peace again and no need to fight."
They readily agreed to this and returned tothe fence laughing as loud and as hard as theycould, although they didn't feel like laughinga bit. The Horners were much surprised.
"That's a fine joke--for a Horner--and we aremuch pleased with it," said the Champion, speakingbetween the pickets. "But please don't do itagain."
"I won't," promised Diksey. "If I think ofanother such joke I'll try to forget it."
"Good!" cried the Chief Horner. "The war is overand peace is declared."
There was much joyful shouting on both sides ofthe fence and the gate was unlocked and thrownwide open, so that Scraps was able to rejoin herfriends.
"What about the Scarecrow?" she asked Dorothy.
"We must get him down, somehow or other," wasthe reply.
"Perhaps the Horners can find a way," suggestedOjo. So they all went through the gate and Dorothyasked the Chief Horner how they could get theScarecrow off the fence. The Chief didn't knowhow, but Diksey said:
"A ladder's the thing."
"Have you one?" asked Dorothy.
"To be sure. We use ladders in our mines,"said he. Then he ran away to get the ladder,and while he was gone the Horners gatheredaround and welcomed the strangers to theircountry, for through them a great war had beenavoided.
In a little while Diksey came back with atall ladder which he placed against the fence. Ojoat once climbed to the top of the ladder andDorothy went about halfway up and Scraps stood atthe foot of it. Toto ran around it and barked.Then Ojo pulled the Scarecrow away from the picketand passed him down to Dorothy, who in turnlowered him to the Patchwork Girl.
As soon as he was on his feet and standingon solid ground the Scarecrow said:
"Much obliged. I feel much better. I'm notstuck on that picket any more."
The Horners began to laugh, thinking thiswas a joke, but the Scarecrow shook himself and
patted his straw a little and said to Dorothy:"Is there much of a hole in my back?"
The little girl examined him carefully.
"There's quite a hole," she said. "But I've gota needle and thread in the knapsack and I'll sewyou up again."
"Do so," he begged earnestly, and again theHoppers laughed, to the Scarecrow's greatannoyance.
While Dorothy was sewing up the hole inthe straw man's back Scraps examined the otherparts of him.
"One of his legs is ripped, too!" she exclaimed.
"Oho!" cried little Diksey; "that's bad. Givehim the needle and thread and let him mendhis ways."
"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed the Chief, and theother Homers at once roared with laughter.
"What's funny?" inquired the Scarecrow sternly.
"Don't you see?" asked Diksey, who hadlaughed even harder than the others. "That's ajoke. It's by odds the best joke I ever made.You walk with your legs, and so that's the wayyou walk, and your legs are the ways. See? So,when you mend your legs, you mend your ways.Ho, ho, ho! hee, hee! I'd no idea I could makesuch a fine joke!"
"Just wonderful!" echoed the Chief. "How do youmanage to do it, Diksey?"
"I don't know," said Diksey modestly. "Perhapsit's the radium, but I rather think it's mysplendid intellect."
If you don't quit it," the Scarecrow told him,"there'll be a worse war than the one you'veescaped from."
Ojo had been deep in thought, and now heasked the Chief: "Is there a dark well in anypart of your country?"
"A dark well? None that ever I heard of," wasthe answer.
"Oh, yes," said Diksey, who overheard theboy's question. "There's a very dark well downin my radium mine."
"Is there any water in it?" Ojo eagerly asked.
"Can't say; I've never looked to see. But wecan find out."
So, as soon as the Scarecrow was mended,they decided to go with Diksey to the mine.When Dorothy had patted the straw man intoshape again he declared he felt as good as newand equal to further adventures.
"Still," said he, "I prefer not to do picketduty again. High life doesn't seem to agree withmy constitution." And then they hurried awayto escape the laughter of the Homers, whothought this was another joke.