Chapter 11 - The Runaway Perambulator

I sometimes met David in public places such as the KensingtonGardens, where he lorded it surrounded by his suite and wearingthe blank face and glass eyes of all carriage-people. On theseoccasions I always stalked by, meditating on higher things,though Mary seemed to think me very hardhearted, and Irene, whohad become his nurse (I forget how, but fear I had something todo with it), ran after me with messages, as, would I not call andsee him in his home at twelve o'clock, at which moment, itseemed, he was at his best.

No, I would not.

"He says tick-tack to the clock," Irene said, trying to snare me.

"Pooh!" said I.

"Other little 'uns jest says 'tick-tick,'" she told me, with aflush of pride.

"I prefer 'tick-tick,'" I said, whereat she departed in dudgeon.

Had they had the sense to wheel him behind a tree and leave him,I would have looked, but as they lacked it, I decided to waituntil he could walk, when it would be more easy to waylay him.However, he was a cautious little gorbal who, after many threatsto rise, always seemed to come to the conclusion that he might doworse than remain where he was, and when he had completed hisfirst year I lost patience with him.

"When I was his age," I said to Irene, "I was running about." Iconsulted them casually about this matter at the club, and theyhad all been running about at a year old.

I made this nurse the following offer: If she would bring thedilatory boy to my rooms and leave him there for half an hour Iwould look at him. At first Mary, to whom the offer was passedon, rejected it with hauteur, but presently she wavered, and theupshot was that Irene, looking scornful and anxious, arrived oneday with the perambulator. Without casting eyes on its occupant,I pointed Irene to the door: "In half-an-hour," I said.

She begged permission to remain, and promised to turn her back,and so on, but I was obdurate, and she then delivered herself ofa passionately affectionate farewell to her charge, which wasreally all directed against me, and ended with these powerfulwords: "And if he takes off your socks, my pretty, may he beblasted for evermore."

"I shall probably take off her socks," I said carelessly to this.

Her socks. Do you see what made Irene scream?

"It is a girl, is it not?" I asked, thus neatly depriving her ofcoherent speech as I pushed her to the door. I then turned roundto--to begin, and, after reflecting, I began by sitting downbehind the hood of his carriage. My plan was to accustom him tohis new surroundings before bursting on the scene myself.

I had various thoughts. Was he awake? If not, better let himwake naturally. Half-an-hour was a long time. Why had I notsaid quarter-of-an-hour? Anon, I saw that if I was to sit theremuch longer I should have said an hour, so I whistled softly; buthe took no notice. I remember trying to persuade myself that ifI never budged till Irene's return, it would be an amusingtriumph over Mary. I coughed, but still there was no response. Abruptly, the fear smote me. Perhaps he is not there.

I rose hastily, and was striding forward, when I distinctlynoticed a covert movement somewhere near the middle of thecarriage, and heard a low gurgle, which was instantly suppressed.I stopped dead at this sharp reminder that I was probably not theonly curious person in the room, and for a long moment we bothlay low, after which, I am glad to remember, I made the firstadvance. Earlier in the day I had arranged some likely articleson a side- table: my watch and chain, my bunch of keys, and twowar-medals for plodding merit, and with a glance at these (assomething to fall back upon), I stepped forward doggedly, looking(I fear now) a little like a professor of legerdemain. David wassitting up, and he immediately fixed his eyes on me.

It would ill become me to attempt to describe this dear boy toyou, for of course I know really nothing about children, so Ishall say only this, that I thought him very like what Timothywould have been had he ever had a chance.

I to whom David had been brought for judgment, now found myselfbeing judged by him, and this rearrangement of the pieces seemedso natural that I felt no surprise; I felt only a humble cravingto hear him signify that I would do. I have stood up beforeother keen judges and deceived them all, but I made no effort todeceive David; I wanted to, but dared not. Those unblinking eyeswere too new to the world to be hooded by any of its tricks. Inthem I saw my true self. They opened for me that pedler's packof which I have made so much ado, and I found that it wasweighted less with pretty little sad love-tokens than withignoble thoughts and deeds and an unguided life. I lookeddejectedly at David, not so much, I think, because I had such asorry display for him, as because I feared he would not have mein his service. I seemed to know that he was making up his mindonce and for all.

And in the end he smiled, perhaps only because I looked sofrightened, but the reason scarcely mattered to me, I felt myselfa fine fellow at once. It was a long smile, too, opening slowlyto its fullest extent (as if to let me in), and then as slowlyshutting.

Then, to divert me from sad thoughts, or to rivet our friendship,or because the time had come for each of us to show the otherwhat he could do, he immediately held one foot high in the air. This made him slide down the perambulator, and I saw at once thatit was very necessary to replace him. But never before had Icome into such close contact with a child; the most I had everdone was, when they were held up to me, to shut my eyes and kissa vacuum. David, of course, though no doubt he was eternallybeing replaced, could tell as little as myself how it wascontrived, and yet we managed it between us quite easily. Hisbody instinctively assumed a certain position as I touched him,which compelled my arms to fall into place, and the thing wasdone. I felt absurdly pleased, but he was already consideringwhat he should do next.

He again held up his foot, which had a gouty appearance owing toits being contained in a dumpy little worsted sock, and I thoughthe proposed to repeat his first performance, but in this I didhim an injustice, for, unlike Porthos, he was one who scorned todo the same feat twice; perhaps, like the conjurors, he knew thatthe audience were more on the alert the second time.

I discovered that he wanted me to take off his sock!

Remembering Irene's dread warnings on this subject I must saythat I felt uneasy. Had he heard her, and was he daring me? Andwhat dire thing could happen if the sock was removed? I soughtto reason with him, but he signed to me to look sharp, and Iremoved the sock. The part of him thus revealed gave Davidconsiderable pleasure, but I noticed, as a curious thing, that heseemed to have no interest in the other foot.

However, it was not there merely to be looked at, for aftergiving me a glance which said "Now observe!" he raised his barefoot and ran his mouth along the toes, like one playing on abarbaric instrument. He then tossed his foot aside, smiled hislong triumphant smile and intimated that it was now my turn to dosomething. I thought the best thing I could do would be to puthis sock on him again, but as soon as I tried to do so Idiscovered why Irene had warned me so portentously against takingit off. I should say that she had trouble in socking him everymorning.

Nevertheless I managed to slip it on while he was debating whatto do with my watch. I bitterly regretted that I could donothing with it myself, put it under a wine-glass, for instance,and make it turn into a rabbit, which so many people can do. Inthe meantime David, occupied with similar thoughts, very nearlymade it disappear altogether, and I was thankful to be able topull it back by the chain.

"Haw-haw-haw!"

Thus he commented on his new feat, but it was also a reminder tome, a trifle cruel, that he was not my boy. After all, you see,Mary had not given him the whole of his laugh. The watch saidthat five and twenty minutes had passed, and looking out I sawIrene at one end of the street staring up at my window, and atthe other end Mary's husband staring up at my window, and beneathme Mary staring up at my window. They had all broken theirpromise.

I returned to David, and asked him in a low voice whether hewould give me a kiss. He shook his head about six times, and Iwas in despair. Then the smile came, and I knew that he wasteasing me only. He now nodded his head about six times.

This was the prettiest of all his exploits. It was so prettythat, contrary to his rule, he repeated it. I had held out myarms to him, and first he shook his head, and then after a longpause (to frighten me), he nodded it.

But no sooner was he in my arms than I seemed to see Mary and herhusband and Irene bearing down upon my chambers to take him fromme, and acting under an impulse I whipped him into theperambulator and was off with it without a license down the backstaircase. To the Kensington Gardens we went; it may have beenManitoba we started for, but we arrived at the KensingtonGardens, and it had all been so unpremeditated and smartlycarried out that I remember clapping my hand to my head in thestreet, to make sure that I was wearing a hat.

I watched David to see what he thought of it, and he had not yetmade up his mind. Strange to say, I no longer felt shy. I wasgrown suddenly indifferent to public comment, and my elationincreased when I discovered that I was being pursued. They drewa cordon round me near Margot Meredith's tree, but I brokethrough it by a strategic movement to the south, and was nextheard of in the Baby's Walk. They held both ends of thispassage, and then thought to close on me, but I slipped throughtheir fingers by doubling up Bunting's Thumb into Picnic Street. Cowering at St. Govor's Well, we saw them rush distractedly upthe Hump, and when they had crossed to the Round Pond we paradedgaily in the Broad Walk, not feeling the tiniest bit sorry foranybody.

Here, however, it gradually came into David's eyes that, afterall, I was a strange man, and they opened wider and wider, untilthey were the size of my medals, and then, with the deliberationthat distinguishes his smile, he slowly prepared to howl. I sawall his forces gathering in his face, and I had nothing to opposeto them; it was an unarmed man against a regiment.

Even then I did not chide him. He could not know that it was Iwho had dropped the letter.

I think I must have stepped over a grateful fairy at that moment,for who else could have reminded me so opportunely of my famousmanipulation of the eyebrows, forgotten since I was in the fifthform? I alone of boys had been able to elevate and lower myeyebrows separately; when the one was climbing my forehead theother descended it, like the two buckets in the well.

Most diffidently did I call this accomplishment to my aid now,and immediately David checked his forces and considered myunexpected movement without prejudice. His face remained as itwas, his mouth open to emit the howl if I did not surpassexpectation. I saw that, like the fair-minded boy he has alwaysbeen, he was giving me my chance, and I worked feverishly, mychief fear being that, owing to his youth, he might not know howmarvellous was this thing I was doing. It is an appeal to theintellect, as well as to the senses, and no one on earth can doit except myself.

When I paused for a moment exhausted he signed gravely, withunchanged face, that though it was undeniably funny, he had notyet decided whether it was funny enough, and, taking this forencouragement, at it I went once more, till I saw his forceswavering, when I sent my left eyebrow up almost farther than Icould bring it back, and with that I had him, the smile brokethrough the clouds.

In the midst of my hard-won triumph I heard cheering.

I had been vaguely conscious that we were not quite alone, buthad not dared to look away from David; I looked now, and found tomy annoyance that I was the centre of a deeply interestedgathering of children. There was, in particular, one vulgarlittle street- boy--

However, if that damped me in the moment of victory, I was soonto triumph gloriously in what began like defeat. I had sat medown on one of the garden-seats in the Figs, with one handresting carelessly on the perambulator, in imitation of thenurses, it was so pleasant to assume the air of one who walkedwith David daily, when to my chagrin I saw Mary approaching withquick stealthy steps, and already so near me that flight wouldhave been ignominy. Porthos, of whom she had hold, boundedtoward me, waving his traitorous tail, but she slowed on seeingthat I had observed her. She had run me down with my own dog.

I have not mentioned that Porthos had for some time now been avisitor at her house, though never can I forget the shock I gotthe first time I saw him strolling out of it like an afternooncaller. Of late he has avoided it, crossing to the other sidewhen I go that way, and rejoining me farther on, so I concludethat Mary's husband is painting him.

I waited her coming stiffly, in great depression of spirits, andnoted that her first attentions were for David, who, somewhatshabbily, gave her the end of a smile which had been begun forme. It seemed to relieve her, for what one may call the wildmaternal look left her face, and trying to check little gasps ofbreath, the result of unseemly running, she signed to herconfederates to remain in the background, and turned curious eyeson me. Had she spoken as she approached, I am sure her wordswould have been as flushed as her face, but now her mouthpuckered as David's does before he sets forth upon his smile, andI saw that she thought she had me in a parley at last.

"I could not help being a little anxious," she said craftily, butI must own, with some sweetness.

I merely raised my hat, and at that she turned quickly to David--Icannot understand why the movement was so hasty--and lowered herface to his. Oh, little trump of a boy! Instead of kissing her,he seized her face with one hand and tried to work her eyebrowsup and down with the other. He failed, and his obviousdisappointment in his mother was as nectar to me.

"I don't understand what you want, darling," said she indistress, and looked at me inquiringly, and I understood what hewanted, and let her see that I understood. Had I been preparedto converse with her, I should have said elatedly that, had sheknown what he wanted, still she could not have done it, thoughshe had practised for twenty years.

I tried to express all this by another movement of my hat.

It caught David's eye and at once he appealed to me with the mostperfect confidence. She failed to see what I did, for I shylygave her my back, but the effect on David was miraculous; hesigned to her to go, for he was engaged for the afternoon.

What would you have done then, reader? I didn't. In my greatmoment I had strength of character to raise my hat for the thirdtime and walk away, leaving the child to judge between us. Iwalked slowly, for I knew I must give him time to get it out, andI listened eagerly, but that was unnecessary, for when it didcome it was a very roar of anguish. I turned my head, and sawDavid fiercely pushing the woman aside, that he might have onelast long look at me. He held out his wistful arms and noddedrepeatedly, and I faltered, but my glorious scheme saved me, andI walked on. It was a scheme conceived in a flash, and ever sincerelentlessly pursued, to burrow under Mary's influence with theboy, expose her to him in all her vagaries, take him utterly fromher and make him mine.