Chapter 15
ANOTHER week over - and I am so many days nearer health, andspring! I have now heard all my neighbour's history, at differentsittings, as the housekeeper could spare time from more importantoccupations. I'll continue it in her own words, only a littlecondensed. She is, on the whole, a very fair narrator, and I don'tthink I could improve her style.
In the evening, she said, the evening of my visit to the Heights, Iknew, as well as if I saw him, that Mr. Heathcliff was about theplace; and I shunned going out, because I still carried his letterin my pocket, and didn't want to be threatened or teased any more.I had made up my mind not to give it till my master went somewhere,as I could not guess how its receipt would affect Catherine. Theconsequence was, that it did not reach her before the lapse ofthree days. The fourth was Sunday, and I brought it into her roomafter the family were gone to church. There was a manservant leftto keep the house with me, and we generally made a practice oflocking the doors during the hours of service; but on that occasionthe weather was so warm and pleasant that I set them wide open,and, to fulfil my engagement, as I knew who would be coming, I toldmy companion that the mistress wished very much for some oranges,and he must run over to the village and get a few, to be paid foron the morrow. He departed, and I went up-stairs.
Mrs. Linton sat in a loose white dress, with a light shawl over hershoulders, in the recess of the open window, as usual. Her thick,long hair had been partly removed at the beginning of her illness,and now she wore it simply combed in its natural tresses over hertemples and neck. Her appearance was altered, as I had toldHeathcliff; but when she was calm, there seemed unearthly beauty inthe change. The flash of her eyes had been succeeded by a dreamyand melancholy softness; they no longer gave the impression oflooking at the objects around her: they appeared always to gazebeyond, and far beyond - you would have said out of this world.Then, the paleness of her face - its haggard aspect having vanishedas she recovered flesh - and the peculiar expression arising fromher mental state, though painfully suggestive of their causes,added to the touching interest which she awakened; and - invariablyto me, I know, and to any person who saw her, I should think -refuted more tangible proofs of convalescence, and stamped her asone doomed to decay.
A book lay spread on the sill before her, and the scarcelyperceptible wind fluttered its leaves at intervals. I believeLinton had laid it there: for she never endeavoured to divertherself with reading, or occupation of any kind, and he would spendmany an hour in trying to entice her attention to some subjectwhich had formerly been her amusement. She was conscious of hisaim, and in her better moods endured his efforts placidly, onlyshowing their uselessness by now and then suppressing a weariedsigh, and checking him at last with the saddest of smiles andkisses. At other times, she would turn petulantly away, and hideher face in her hands, or even push him off angrily; and then hetook care to let her alone, for he was certain of doing no good.
Gimmerton chapel bells were still ringing; and the full, mellowflow of the beck in the valley came soothingly on the ear. It wasa sweet substitute for the yet absent murmur of the summer foliage,which drowned that music about the Grange when the trees were inleaf. At Wuthering Heights it always sounded on quiet daysfollowing a great thaw or a season of steady rain. And ofWuthering Heights Catherine was thinking as she listened: that is,if she thought or listened at all; but she had the vague, distantlook I mentioned before, which expressed no recognition of materialthings either by ear or eye.
'There's a letter for you, Mrs. Linton,' I said, gently insertingit in one hand that rested on her knee. 'You must read itimmediately, because it wants an answer. Shall I break the seal?''Yes,' she answered, without altering the direction of her eyes. Iopened it - it was very short. 'Now,' I continued, 'read it.' Shedrew away her hand, and let it fall. I replaced it in her lap, andstood waiting till it should please her to glance down; but thatmovement was so long delayed that at last I resumed - 'Must I readit, ma'am? It is from Mr. Heathcliff.'
There was a start and a troubled gleam of recollection, and astruggle to arrange her ideas. She lifted the letter, and seemedto peruse it; and when she came to the signature she sighed: yetstill I found she had not gathered its import, for, upon mydesiring to hear her reply, she merely pointed to the name, andgazed at me with mournful and questioning eagerness.
'Well, he wishes to see you,' said I, guessing her need of aninterpreter. 'He's in the garden by this time, and impatient toknow what answer I shall bring.'
As I spoke, I observed a large dog lying on the sunny grass beneathraise its ears as if about to bark, and then smoothing them back,announce, by a wag of the tail, that some one approached whom itdid not consider a stranger. Mrs. Linton bent forward, andlistened breathlessly. The minute after a step traversed the hall;the open house was too tempting for Heathcliff to resist walkingin: most likely he supposed that I was inclined to shirk mypromise, and so resolved to trust to his own audacity. Withstraining eagerness Catherine gazed towards the entrance of herchamber. He did not hit the right room directly: she motioned meto admit him, but he found it out ere I could reach the door, andin a stride or two was at her side, and had her grasped in hisarms.
He neither spoke nor loosed his hold for some five minutes, duringwhich period he bestowed more kisses than ever he gave in his lifebefore, I daresay: but then my mistress had kissed him first, andI plainly saw that he could hardly bear, for downright agony, tolook into her face! The same conviction had stricken him as me,from the instant he beheld her, that there was no prospect ofultimate recovery there - she was fated, sure to die.
'Oh, Cathy! Oh, my life! how can I bear it?' was the firstsentence he uttered, in a tone that did not seek to disguise hisdespair. And now he stared at her so earnestly that I thought thevery intensity of his gaze would bring tears into his eyes; butthey burned with anguish: they did not melt.
'What now?' said Catherine, leaning back, and returning his lookwith a suddenly clouded brow: her humour was a mere vane forconstantly varying caprices. 'You and Edgar have broken my heart,Heathcliff! And you both come to bewail the deed to me, as if youwere the people to be pitied! I shall not pity you, not I. Youhave killed me - and thriven on it, I think. How strong you are!How many years do you mean to live after I am gone?'
Heathcliff had knelt on one knee to embrace her; he attempted torise, but she seized his hair, and kept him down.
'I wish I could hold you,' she continued, bitterly, 'till we wereboth dead! I shouldn't care what you suffered. I care nothing foryour sufferings. Why shouldn't you suffer? I do! Will you forgetme? Will you be happy when I am in the earth? Will you say twentyyears hence, "That's the grave of Catherine Earnshaw? I loved herlong ago, and was wretched to lose her; but it is past. I've lovedmany others since: my children are dearer to me than she was; and,at death, I shall not rejoice that I are going to her: I shall besorry that I must leave them!" Will you say so, Heathcliff?'
'Don't torture me till I'm as mad as yourself,' cried he, wrenchinghis head free, and grinding his teeth.
The two, to a cool spectator, made a strange and fearful picture.Well might Catherine deem that heaven would be a land of exile toher, unless with her mortal body she cast away her moral characteralso. Her present countenance had a wild vindictiveness in itswhite cheek, and a bloodless lip and scintillating eye; and sheretained in her closed fingers a portion of the locks she had beengrasping. As to her companion, while raising himself with onehand, he had taken her arm with the other; and so inadequate washis stock of gentleness to the requirements of her condition, thaton his letting go I saw four distinct impressions left blue in thecolourless skin.
'Are you possessed with a devil,' he pursued, savagely, 'to talk inthat manner to me when you are dying? Do you reflect that allthose words will be branded in my memory, and eating deepereternally after you have left me? You know you lie to say I havekilled you: and, Catherine, you know that I could as soon forgetyou as my existence! Is it not sufficient for your infernalselfishness, that while you are at peace I shall writhe in thetorments of hell?'
'I shall not be at peace,' moaned Catherine, recalled to a sense ofphysical weakness by the violent, unequal throbbing of her heart,which beat visibly and audibly under this excess of agitation. Shesaid nothing further till the paroxysm was over; then shecontinued, more kindly -
'I'm not wishing you greater torment than I have, Heathcliff. Ionly wish us never to be parted: and should a word of minedistress you hereafter, think I feel the same distress underground,and for my own sake, forgive me! Come here and kneel down again!You never harmed me in your life. Nay, if you nurse anger, thatwill be worse to remember than my harsh words! Won't you come hereagain? Do!'
Heathcliff went to the back of her chair, and leant over, but notso far as to let her see his face, which was livid with emotion.She bent round to look at him; he would not permit it: turningabruptly, he walked to the fireplace, where he stood, silent, withhis back towards us. Mrs. Linton's glance followed himsuspiciously: every movement woke a new sentiment in her. After apause and a prolonged gaze, she resumed; addressing me in accentsof indignant disappointment:-
'Oh, you see, Nelly, he would not relent a moment to keep me out ofthe grave. THAT is how I'm loved! Well, never mind. That is notMY Heathcliff. I shall love mine yet; and take him with me: he'sin my soul. And,' added she musingly, 'the thing that irks me mostis this shattered prison, after all. I'm tired of being enclosedhere. I'm wearying to escape into that glorious world, and to bealways there: not seeing it dimly through tears, and yearning forit through the walls of an aching heart: but really with it, andin it. Nelly, you think you are better and more fortunate than I;in full health and strength: you are sorry for me - very soon thatwill be altered. I shall be sorry for YOU. I shall beincomparably beyond and above you all. I WONDER he won't be nearme!' She went on to herself. 'I thought he wished it.Heathcliff, dear! you should not be sullen now. Do come to me,Heathcliff.'
In her eagerness she rose and supported herself on the arm of thechair. At that earnest appeal he turned to her, looking absolutelydesperate. His eyes, wide and wet, at last flashed fiercely onher; his breast heaved convulsively. An instant they held asunder,and then how they met I hardly saw, but Catherine made a spring,and he caught her, and they were locked in an embrace from which Ithought my mistress would never be released alive: in fact, to myeyes, she seemed directly insensible. He flung himself into thenearest seat, and on my approaching hurriedly to ascertain if shehad fainted, he gnashed at me, and foamed like a mad dog, andgathered her to him with greedy jealousy. I did not feel as if Iwere in the company of a creature of my own species: it appearedthat he would not understand, though I spoke to him; so I stoodoff, and held my tongue, in great perplexity.
A movement of Catherine's relieved me a little presently: she putup her hand to clasp his neck, and bring her cheek to his as heheld her; while he, in return, covering her with frantic caresses,said wildly -
'You teach me now how cruel you've been - cruel and false. WHY didyou despise me? WHY did you betray your own heart, Cathy? I havenot one word of comfort. You deserve this. You have killedyourself. Yes, you may kiss me, and cry; and wring out my kissesand tears: they'll blight you - they'll damn you. You loved me -then what RIGHT had you to leave me? What right - answer me - forthe poor fancy you felt for Linton? Because misery anddegradation, and death, and nothing that God or Satan could inflictwould have parted us, YOU, of your own will, did it. I have notbroken your heart - YOU have broken it; and in breaking it, youhave broken mine. So much the worse for me that I am strong. Do Iwant to live? What kind of living will it be when you - oh, God!would YOU like to live with your soul in the grave?'
'Let me alone. Let me alone,' sobbed Catherine. 'If I've donewrong, I'm dying for it. It is enough! You left me too: but Iwon't upbraid you! I forgive you. Forgive me!'
'It is hard to forgive, and to look at those eyes, and feel thosewasted hands,' he answered. 'Kiss me again; and don't let me seeyour eyes! I forgive what you have done to me. I love MY murderer- but YOURS! How can I?'
They were silent-their faces hid against each other, and washed byeach other's tears. At least, I suppose the weeping was on bothsides; as it seemed Heathcliff could weep on a great occasion likethis.
I grew very uncomfortable, meanwhile; for the afternoon wore fastaway, the man whom I had sent off returned from his errand, and Icould distinguish, by the shine of the western sun up the valley, aconcourse thickening outside Gimmerton chapel porch.
'Service is over,' I announced. 'My master will be here in half anhour.'
Heathcliff groaned a curse, and strained Catherine closer: shenever moved.
Ere long I perceived a group of the servants passing up the roadtowards the kitchen wing. Mr. Linton was not far behind; he openedthe gate himself and sauntered slowly up, probably enjoying thelovely afternoon that breathed as soft as summer.
'Now he is here,' I exclaimed. 'For heaven's sake, hurry down!You'll not meet any one on the front stairs. Do be quick; and stayamong the trees till he is fairly in.'
'I must go, Cathy,' said Heathcliff, seeking to extricate himselffrom his companion's arms. 'But if I live, I'll see you againbefore you are asleep. I won't stray five yards from your window.'
'You must not go!' she answered, holding him as firmly as herstrength allowed. 'You SHALL not, I tell you.'
'For one hour,' he pleaded earnestly.
'Not for one minute,' she replied.
'I MUST - Linton will be up immediately,' persisted the alarmedintruder.
He would have risen, and unfixed her fingers by the act - she clungfast, gasping: there was mad resolution in her face.
'No!' she shrieked. 'Oh, don't, don't go. It is the last time!Edgar will not hurt us. Heathcliff, I shall die! I shall die!'
'Damn the fool! There he is,' cried Heathcliff, sinking back intohis seat. 'Hush, my darling! Hush, hush, Catherine! I'll stay.If he shot me so, I'd expire with a blessing on my lips.'
And there they were fast again. I heard my master mounting thestairs - the cold sweat ran from my forehead: I was horrified.
'Are you going to listen to her ravings?' I said, passionately.'She does not know what she says. Will you ruin her, because shehas not wit to help herself? Get up! You could be free instantly.That is the most diabolical deed that ever you did. We are alldone for - master, mistress, and servant.'
I wrung my hands, and cried out; and Mr. Linton hastened his stepat the noise. In the midst of my agitation, I was sincerely gladto observe that Catherine's arms had fallen relaxed, and her headhung down.
'She's fainted, or dead,' I thought: 'so much the better. Farbetter that she should be dead, than lingering a burden and amisery-maker to all about her.'
Edgar sprang to his unbidden guest, blanched with astonishment andrage. What he meant to do I cannot tell; however, the otherstopped all demonstrations, at once, by placing the lifeless-looking form in his arms.
'Look there!' he said. 'Unless you be a fiend, help her first -then you shall speak to me!'
He walked into the parlour, and sat down. Mr. Linton summoned me,and with great difficulty, and after resorting to many means, wemanaged to restore her to sensation; but she was all bewildered;she sighed, and moaned, and knew nobody. Edgar, in his anxiety forher, forgot her hated friend. I did not. I went, at the earliestopportunity, and besought him to depart; affirming that Catherinewas better, and he should hear from me in the morning how shepassed the night.
'I shall not refuse to go out of doors,' he answered; 'but I shallstay in the garden: and, Nelly, mind you keep your word to-morrow.I shall be under those larch-trees. Mind! or I pay another visit,whether Linton be in or not.'
He sent a rapid glance through the half-open door of the chamber,and, ascertaining that what I stated was apparently true, deliveredthe house of his luckless presence.