Chapter 13
NEXT morning I rose with the dawn, and having dressed myself andstood half-an-hour, my elbow leaning on the chest of drawers,considering what means I should adopt to restore my spirits,fagged with sleeplessness, to their ordinary tone--for I had nointention of getting up a scene with M. Pelet, reproaching himwith perfidy, sending him a challenge, or performing othergambadoes of the sort--I hit at last on the expedient of walkingout in the cool of the morning to a neighbouring establishment ofbaths, and treating myself to a bracing plunge. The remedyproduced the desired effect. I came back at seven o'clocksteadied and invigorated, and was able to greet M. Pelet, when heentered to breakfast, with an unchanged and tranquil countenance;even a cordial offering of the hand and the flatteringappellation of "mon fils," pronounced in that caressing tone withwhich Monsieur had, of late days especially, been accustomed toaddress me, did not elicit any external sign of the feelingwhich, though subdued, still glowed at my heart. Not that Inursed vengeance--no; but the sense of insult and treachery livedin me like a kindling, though as yet smothered coal. God knows Iam not by nature vindictive; I would not hurt a man because I canno longer trust or like him; but neither my reason nor feelingsare of the vacillating order--they are not of that sand-like sortwhere impressions, if soon made, are as soon effaced. Onceconvinced that my friend's disposition is incompatible with myown, once assured that he is indelibly stained with certaindefects obnoxious to my principles, and I dissolve theconnection. I did so with Edward. As to Pelet, the discoverywas yet new; should I act thus with him? It was the question Iplaced before my mind as I stirred my cup of coffee with ahalf-pistolet (we never had spoons), Pelet meantime being seatedopposite, his pallid face looking as knowing and more haggardthan usual, his blue eye turned, now sternly on his boys andushers, and now graciously on me.
"Circumstances must guide me," said I; and meeting Pelet's falseglance and insinuating smile, I thanked heaven that I had lastnight opened my window and read by the light of a full moon thetrue meaning of that guileful countenance. I felt half hismaster, because the reality of his nature was now known to me;smile and flatter as he would, I saw his soul lurk behind hissmile, and heard in every one of his smooth phrases a voiceinterpreting their treacherous import.
But Zoraide Reuter? Of course her defection had cut me to thequick? That stint; must have gone too deep for any consolationsof philosophy to be available in curing its smart? Not at all.The night fever over, I looked about for balm to that wound also,and found some nearer home than at Gilead. Reason was myphysician; she began by proving that the prize I had missed wasof little value: she admitted that, physically, Zoraide mighthave suited me, but affirmed that our souls were not in harmony,and that discord must have resulted from the union of her mindwith mine. She then insisted on the suppression of all repining,and commanded me rather to rejoice that I had escaped a snare.Her medicament did me good. I felt its strengthening effect whenI met the directress the next day; its stringent operation on thenerves suffered no trembling, no faltering; it enabled me to faceher with firmness, to pass her with ease. She had held out herhand to me--that I did not choose to see. She had greeted mewith a charming smile--it fell on my heart like light on stone.I passed on to the estrade, she followed me; her eye, fastened onmy face, demanded of every feature the meaning of my changed andcareless manner. "I will give her an answer," thought I; and,meeting her gaze full, arresting, fixing her glance, I shot intoher eyes, from my own, a look, where there was no respect, nolove, no tenderness, no gallantry; where the strictest analysiscould detect nothing but scorn, hardihood, irony. I made herbear it, and feel it; her steady countenance did not change, buther colour rose, and she approached me as if fascinated. Shestepped on to the estrade, and stood close by my side; she hadnothing to say. I would not relieve her embarrassment, andnegligently turned over the leaves of a book.
"I hope you feel quite recovered to-day," at last she said, in alow tone.
"And I, mademoiselle, hope that you took no cold last night inconsequence of your late walk in the garden."
Quick enough of comprehension, she understood me directly; herface became a little blanched--a very little--but no muscle inher rather marked features moved; and, calm and self-possessed,she retired from the estrade, taking her seat quietly at a littledistance, and occupying herself with netting a purse. Iproceeded to give my lesson; it was a "Composition," i.e., Idictated certain general questions, of which the pupils were tocompose the answers from memory, access to books being forbidden.While Mdlle. Eulalie, Hortense, Caroline, &c., were ponderingover the string of rather abstruse grammatical interrogatories Ihad propounded, I was at liberty to employ the vacant half hourin further observing the directress herself. The green silkpurse was progressing fast in her hands; her eyes were bent uponit; her attitude, as she sat netting within two yards of me, wasstill yet guarded; in her whole person were expressed at once,and with equal clearness, vigilance and repose--a rare union!Looking at her, I was forced, as I had often been before, tooffer her good sense, her wondrous self-control, the tribute ofinvoluntary admiration. She had felt that I had withdrawn fromher my esteem; she had seen contempt and coldness in my eye, andto her, who coveted the approbation of all around her, whothirsted after universal good opinion, such discovery must havebeen an acute wound. I had witnessed its effect in the momentarypallor of her cheek-cheek unused to vary; yet how quickly, bydint of self-control, had she recovered her composure! With whatquiet dignity she now sat, almost at my side, sustained by hersound and vigorous sense; no trembling in her somewhatlengthened, though shrewd upper lip, no coward shame on heraustere forehead!
"There is metal there," I said, as I gazed. "Would that therewere fire also, living ardour to make the steel glow--then Icould love her."
Presently I discovered that she knew I was watching her, for shestirred not, she lifted not her crafty eyelid; she had glanceddown from her netting to her small foot, peeping from the softfolds of her purple merino gown; thence her eye reverted to herhand, ivory white, with a bright garnet ring on the forefinger,and a light frill of lace round the wrist; with a scarcelyperceptible movement she turned her head, causing her nut-browncurls to wave gracefully. In these slight signs I read that thewish of her heart, the design of her brain, was to lure back thegame she had scared. A little incident gave her the opportunityof addressing me again.
While all was silence in the class--silence, but for the rustlingof copy-books and the travelling of pens over their pages--a leafof the large folding-door, opening from the hall, unclosed,admitting a pupil who, after making a hasty obeisance, ensconcedherself with some appearance of trepidation, probably occasionedby her entering so late, in a vacant seat at the desk nearest thedoor. Being seated, she proceeded, still with an air of hurryand embarrassment, to open her cabas, to take out her books; and,while I was waiting for her to look up, in order to make out heridentity--for, shortsighted as I was, I had not recognized her ather entrance--Mdlle. Reuter, leaving her chair, approached theestrade.
"Monsieur Creemsvort," said she, in a whisper: for when theschoolrooms were silent, the directress always moved with velvettread, and spoke in the most subdued key, enforcing order andstillness fully as much by example as precept: "MonsieurCreemsvort, that young person, who has just entered, wishes tohave the advantage of taking lessons with you in English; she isnot a pupil of the house; she is, indeed, in one sense, ateacher, for she gives instruction in lace-mending, and in littlevarieties of ornamental needle-work. She very properly proposesto qualify herself for a higher department of education, and hasasked permission to attend your lessons, in order to perfect herknowledge of English, in which language she has, I believe,already made some progress; of course it is my wish to aid her inan effort so praiseworthy; you will permit her then to benefit byyour instruction--n'est ce pas, monsieur?" And Mdlle. Reuter'seyes were raised to mine with a look at once naive, benign, andbeseeching.
I replied, "Of course," very laconically, almost abruptly.
"Another word," she said, with softness: "Mdlle. Henri has notreceived a regular education; perhaps her natural talents are notof the highest order: but I can assure you of the excellence ofher intentions, and even of the amiability of her disposition.Monsieur will then, I am sure, have the goodness to beconsiderate with her at first, and not expose her backwardness,her inevitable deficiencies, before the young ladies, who, in asense, are her pupils. Will Monsieur Creemsvort favour me byattending to this hint?" I nodded. She continued with subduedearnestness--
"Pardon me, monsieur, if I venture to add that what I have justsaid is of importance to the poor girl; she already experiencesgreat difficulty in impressing these giddy young things with adue degree of deference for her authority, and should thatdifficulty be increased by new discoveries of her incapacity, shemight find her position in my establishment too painful to beretained; a circumstance I should much regret for her sake, asshe can ill afford to lose the profits of her occupation here."
Mdlle. Reuter possessed marvellous tact; but tact the mostexclusive, unsupported by sincerity, will sometimes fail of itseffect; thus, on this occasion, the longer she preached about thenecessity of being indulgent to the governess pupil, the moreimpatient I felt as I listened. I discerned so clearly thatwhile her professed motive was a wish to aid the dull, thoughwell-meaning Mdlle. Henri, her real one was no other than adesign to impress me with an idea of her own exalted goodness andtender considerateness; so having again hastily nodded assent toher remarks, I obviated their renewal by suddenly demanding thecompositions, in a sharp accent, and stepping from the estrade, Iproceeded to collect them. As I passed the governess-pupil, Isaid to her--
"You have come in too late to receive a lesson to-day; try to bemore punctual next time."
I was behind her, and could not read in her face the effect of mynot very civil speech. Probably I should not have troubledmyself to do so, had I been full in front; but I observed thatshe immediately began to slip her books into her cabas again;and, presently, after I had returned to the estrade, while I wasarranging the mass of compositions, I heard the folding-dooragain open and close; and, on looking up, I perceived her placevacant. I thought to myself, "She will consider her first attemptat taking a lesson in English something of a failure;" and Iwondered whether she had departed in the sulks, or whetherstupidity had induced her to take my words too literally, or,finally, whether my irritable tone had wounded her feelings. Thelast notion I dismissed almost as soon as I had conceived it, fornot having seen any appearance of sensitiveness in any human facesince my arrival in Belgium, I had begun to regard it almost as afabulous quality. Whether her physiognomy announced it I couldnot tell, for her speedy exit had allowed me no time to ascertainthe circumstance. I had, indeed, on two or three previousoccasions, caught a passing view of her (as I believe has beenmentioned before); but I had never stopped to scrutinize eitherher face or person, and had but the most vague idea of hergeneral appearance. Just as I had finished rolling up thecompositions, the four o'clock bell rang; with my accustomedalertness in obeying that signal, I grasped my hat and evacuatedthe premises.