Chapter 21
DIRECTLY as I closed the door, I saw laid on the table twoletters; my thought was, that they were notes of invitation fromthe friends of some of my pupils; I had received such marks ofattention occasionally, and with me, who had no friends,correspondence of more interest was out of the question; thepostman's arrival had never yet been an event of interest to mesince I came to Brussels. I laid my hand carelessly on thedocuments, and coldly and slowly glancing at them, I prepared tobreak the seals; my eye was arrested and my hand too; I saw whatexcited me, as if I had found a vivid picture where I expectedonly to discover a blank page: on one cover was an Englishpostmark; on the other, a lady's clear, fine autograph; the lastI opened first:--
"MONSIEUR,"I FOUND out what you had done the very morning after your visitto me; you might be sure I should dust the china, every day; and,as no one but you had been in my room for a week, and asfairy-money is not current in Brussels, I could not doubt wholeft the twenty francs on the chimney-piece. I thought I heardyou stir the vase when I was stooping to look for your gloveunder the table, and I wondered you should imagine it had gotinto such a little cup. Now, monsieur, the money is not mine,and I shall not keep it; I will not send it in this note becauseit might be lost--besides, it is heavy; but I will restore it toyou the first time I see you, and you must make no difficultiesabout taking it; because, in the first place, I am sure,monsieur, you can understand that one likes to pay one's debts;that it is satisfactory to owe no man anything; and, in thesecond place, I can now very well afford to be honest, as I amprovided with a situation. This last circumstance is, indeed,the reason of my writing to you, for it is pleasant tocommunicate good news; and, in these days, I have only my masterto whom I can tell anything.
"A week ago, monsieur, I was sent for by a Mrs. Wharton, anEnglish lady; her eldest daughter was going to be married, andsome rich relation having made her a present of a veil and dressin costly old lace, as precious, they said, almost as jewels, buta little damaged by time, I was commissioned to put them inrepair. I had to do it at the house; they gave me, besides, someembroidery to complete, and nearly a week elapsed before I hadfinished everything. While I worked, Miss Wharton often cameinto the room and sat with me, and so did Mrs. Wharton; they mademe talk English; asked how I had learned to speak it so well;then they inquired what I knew besides--what books I had read;soon they seemed to make a sort of wonder of me, considering meno doubt as a learned grisette. One afternoon, Mrs. Whartonbrought in a Parisian lady to test the accuracy of my knowledgeof French; the result of it: was that, owing probably in a greatdegree to the mother's and daughter's good humour about themarriage, which inclined them to do beneficent deeds, and partly,I think, because they are naturally benevolent people, theydecided that the wish I had expressed to do something more thanmend lace was a very legitimate one; and the same day they tookme in their carriage to Mrs. D.'s, who is the directress of thefirst English school at Brussels. It seems she happened to be inwant of a French lady to give lessons in geography, history,grammar, and composition, in the French language. Mrs. Whartonrecommended me very warmly; and, as two of her younger daughtersare pupils in the house, her patronage availed to get me theplace. It was settled that I am to attend six hours daily (for,happily, it was not required that I should live in the house; Ishould have been sorry to leave my lodgings), and, for this, Mrs.D. will give me twelve hundred francs per annum.
"You see, therefore, monsieur, that I am now rich; richer almostthan I ever hoped to be: I feel thankful for it, especially asmy sight was beginning to be injured by constant working at finelace; and I was getting, too, very weary of sitting up late atnights, and yet not being able to find time for reading or study.I began to fear that I should fall ill, and be unable to pay myway; this fear is now, in a great measure, removed; and, intruth, monsieur, I am very grateful to God for the relief; and Ifeel it necessary, almost, to speak of my happiness to some onewho is kind-hearted enough to derive joy from seeing othersjoyful. I could not, therefore, resist the temptation of writingto you; I argued with myself it is very pleasant for me to write,and it will not be exactly painful, though it may be tiresome tomonsieur to read. Do not be too angry with my circumlocution andinelegancies of expression, and, believe me
"Your attached pupil,"F. E. HENRI."
Having read this letter, I mused on its contents for a fewmoments--whether with sentiments pleasurable or otherwise I willhereafter note--and then took up the other. It was directed in ahand to me unknown--small, and rather neat; neither masculine norexactly feminine; the seal bore a coat of arms, concerning whichI could only decipher that it was not that of the Seacombefamily, consequently the epistle could be from none of my almostforgotten, and certainly quite forgetting patrician relations.>From whom, then, was it? I removed the envelope; the note foldedwithin ran as follows :-
"I have no doubt in the world that you are doing well in thatgreasy Flanders; living probably on the fat of the unctuous land;sitting like a black-haired, tawny-skinned, long-nosed Israeliteby the flesh-pots of Egypt; or like a rascally son of Levi nearthe brass cauldrons of the sanctuary, and every now and thenplunging in a consecrated hook, and drawing out of the sea, ofbroth the fattest of heave-shoulders and the fleshiest ofwave-breasts. I know this, because you never write to any one inEngland. Thankless dog that you are! I, by the sovereignefficacy of my recommendation, got you the place where you arenow living in clover, and yet not a word of gratitude, or evenacknowledgment, have you ever offered in return; but I am comingto see you, and small conception can you, with your addledaristocratic brains, form of the sort of moral kicking I have,ready packed in my carpet-bag, destined to be presented to youimmediately on my arrival.
"Meantime I know all about your affairs, and have just gotinformation, by Brown's last letter, that you are said to be onthe point of forming an advantageous match with a pursy, littleBelgian schoolmistress--a Mdlle. Zenobie, or some such name.Won't I have a look at her when I come over! And this you mayrely on: if she pleases my taste, or if I think it worth whilein a pecuniary point of view, I'll pounce on your prize and bearher away triumphant in spite of your teeth. Yet I don't likedumpies either, and Brown says she is little and stout--thebetter fitted for a wiry, starved-looking chap like you."Be on the look-out, for you know neither the day nor hour whenyour ---- (I don't wish to blaspheme, so I'll leave a blank)--cometh.
"Yours truly,"HUNSDEN YORKE HUNSDEN."
"Humph!" said I; and ere I laid the letter down, I again glancedat the small, neat handwriting, not a bit like that of amercantile man, nor, indeed, of any man except Hunsden himself.They talk of affinities between the autograph and the character:what affinity was there here? I recalled the writer's peculiarface and certain traits I suspected, rather than knew, toappertain to his nature, and I answered, "A great deal."
Hunsden, then, was coming to Brussels, and coming I knew notwhen; coming charged with the expectation of finding me on thesummit of prosperity, about to be married, to step into a warmnest, to lie comfortably down by the side of a snug, well-fedlittle mate.
"I wish him joy of the fidelity of the picture he has painted,"thought I. "What will he say when, instead of a pair of plumpturtle doves, billing and cooing in a bower of roses, he finds asingle lean cormorant, standing mateless and shelterless onpoverty's bleak cliff? Oh, confound him! Let him come, and lethim laugh at the contrast between rumour and fact. Were he thedevil himself, instead of being merely very like him, I'd notcondescend to get out of his way, or to forge a smile or acheerful word wherewith to avert his sarcasm."
Then I recurred to the other letter: that struck a chord whosesound I could not deaden by thrusting my fingers into my ears,for it vibrated within; and though its swell might be exquisitemusic, its cadence was a groan.
That Frances was relieved from the pressure of want, that thecurse of excessive labour was taken off her, filled me withhappiness; that her first thought in prosperity should be toaugment her joy by sharing it with me, met and satisfied the wishof my heart. Two results of her letter were then pleasant, sweetas two draughts of nectar; but applying my lips for the thirdtime to the cup, and they were excoriated as with vinegar andgall.
Two persons whose desires are moderate may live well enough inBrussels on an income which would scarcely afford a respectablemaintenance for one in London: and that, not because thenecessaries of life are so much dearer in the latter capital, ortaxes so much higher than in the former, but because the Englishsurpass in folly all the nations on God's earth, and are moreabject slaves to custom, to opinion, to the desire to keep up acertain appearance, than the Italians are to priestcraft, theFrench to vain-glory, the Russians to their Czar, or the Germansto black beer. I have seen a degree of sense in the modestarrangement of one homely Belgian household, that might put toshame the elegance, the superfluities, the luxuries, the strainedrefinements of a hundred genteel English mansions. In Belgium,provided you can make money, you may save it; this is scarcelypossible in England; ostentation there lavishes in a month whatindustry has earned in a year. More shame to all classes in thatmost bountiful and beggarly country for their servile followingof Fashion; I could write a chapter or two on this subject, butmust forbear, at least for the present. Had I retained my 60l.per annum I could, now that Frances was in possession of 50l.,have gone straight to her this very evening, and spoken out thewords which, repressed, kept fretting my heart with fever; ourunited income would, as we should have managed it, have sufficedwell for our mutual support; since we lived in a country whereeconomy was not confounded with meanness, where frugality indress, food, and furniture, was not synonymous with vulgarity inthese various points. But the placeless usher, bare of resource,and unsupported by connections, must not think of this; such asentiment as love, such a word as marriage, were misplaced in hisheart, and on his lips. Now for the first time did I truly feelwhat it was to be poor; now did the sacrifice I had made incasting from me the means of living put on a new aspect; insteadof a correct, just, honourable act, it seemed a deed at oncelight and fanatical; I took several turns in my room, under thegoading influence of most poignant remorse; I walked a quarter ofan hour from the wall to the window; and at the window,self-reproach seemed to face me; at the wall, self-disdain: allat once out spoke Conscience:--
"Down, stupid tormenters!" cried she; "the man has done hisduty; you shall not bait him thus by thoughts of what might havebeen; he relinquished a temporary and contingent good to avoid apermanent and certain evil he did well. Let him reflect now, andwhen your blinding dust and deafening hum subside, he willdiscover a path."
I sat down; I propped my forehead on both my hands; I thought andthought an hour-two hours; vainly. I seemed like one sealed in asubterranean vault, who gazes at utter blackness; at blacknessensured by yard-thick stone walls around, and by piles ofbuilding above, expecting light to penetrate through granite, andthrough cement firm as granite. But there are chinks, or theremay be chinks, in the best adjusted masonry; there was a chink inmy cavernous cell; for, eventually, I saw, or seemed to see, aray--pallid, indeed, and cold, and doubtful, but still a ray, forit showed that narrow path which conscience had promised aftertwo, three hours' torturing research in brain and memory, Idisinterred certain remains of circumstances, and conceived ahope that by putting them together an expedient might be framed,and a resource discovered. The circumstances were briefly these:--
Some three months ago M. Pelet had, on the occasion of his fete,given the boys a treat, which treat consisted in a party ofpleasure to a certain place of public resort in the outskirts ofBrussels, of which I do not at this moment remember the name, butnear it were several of those lakelets called etangs; and therewas one etang, larger than the rest, where on holidays peoplewere accustomed to amuse themselves by rowing round it in littleboats. The boys having eaten an unlimited quantity of "gaufres,"and drank several bottles of Louvain beer, amid the shades of agarden made and provided for such crams, petitioned the directorfor leave to take a row on the etang. Half a dozen of the eldestsucceeded in obtaining leave, and I was commissioned to accompanythem as surveillant. Among the half dozen happened to be acertain Jean Baptiste Vandenhuten, a most ponderous youngFlamand, not tall, but even now, at the early age of sixteen,possessing a breadth and depth of personal development trulynational. It chanced that Jean was the first lad to step into theboat; he stumbled, rolled to one side, the boat revolted at hisweight and capsized. Vandenhuten sank like lead, rose, sankagain. My coat and waistcoat were off in an instant; I had notbeen brought up at Eton and boated and bathed and swam there tenlong years for nothing; it was a natural and easy act for me toleap to the rescue. The lads and the boatmen yelled; theythought there would be two deaths by drowning instead of one; butas Jean rose the third time, I clutched him by one leg and thecollar, and in three minutes more both he and I were safe landed.To speak heaven's truth, my merit in the action was small indeed,for I had run no risk, and subsequently did not even catch coldfrom the wetting; but when M. and Madame Vandenhuten, of whomJean Baptiste was the sole hope, came to hear of the exploit,they seemed to think I had evinced a bravery and devotion whichno thanks could sufficiently repay. Madame, in particular, was"certain I must have dearly loved their sweet son, or I would notthus have hazarded my own life to save his." Monsieur, anhonest-looking, though phlegmatic man, said very little, but hewould not suffer me to leave the room, till I had promised thatin case I ever stood in need of help I would, by applying to him,give him a chance of discharging the obligation under which heaffirmed I had laid him. These words, then, were my glimmer oflight; it was here I found my sole outlet; and in truth, thoughthe cold light roused, it did not cheer me; nor did the outletseem such as I should like to pass through. Right I had none toM. Vandenhuten's good offices; it was not on the ground of meritI could apply to him; no, I must stand on that of necessity: Ihad no work; I wanted work; my best chance of obtaining it lay insecuring his recommendation. This I knew could be had by askingfor it; not to ask, because the request revolted my pride andcontradicted my habits, would, I felt, be an indulgence of falseand indolent fastidiousness. I might repent the omission all mylife; I would not then be guilty of it.
That evening I went to M. Vandenhuten's; but I had bent the bowand adjusted the shaft in vain; the string broke. I rang thebell at the great door (it was a large, handsome house in anexpensive part of the town); a manservant opened; I asked for M.Vandenhuten; M. Vandenhuten and family were all out of town--gone to Ostend--did not know when they would be back. I leftmy card, and retraced my steps.