Chapter 66 - Alban's Narrative
"The information which I have obtained from Miss Jethro has beencommunicated to me, on the condition that I shall not disclosethe place of her residence. 'Let me pass out of notice (she said)as completely as if I had passed out of life; I wish to beforgotten by some, and to be unknown by others.' With this onestipulation, she left me free to write the present narrative ofwhat passed at the interview between us. I feel that thediscoveries which I have made are too important to the personsinterested to be trusted to memory.
1. _She Receives Me_.
"Finding Miss Jethro's place of abode, with far less difficultythan I had anticipated (thanks to favoring circumstances), Istated plainly the object of my visit. She declined to enter intoconversation with me on the subject of the murder at Zeeland.
"I was prepared to meet with this rebuke, and to take thenecessary measures for obtaining a more satisfactory reception.'A person is suspected of having committed the murder,' I said;'and there is reason to believe that you are in a position to saywhether the suspicion is justified or not. Do you refuse toanswer me, if I put the question?'
"Miss Jethro asked who the person was.
"I mentioned the name--Mr. Miles Mirabel.
"It is not necessary, and it would certainly be not agreeable tome, to describe the effect which this reply produced on MissJethro. After giving her time to compose herself, I entered intocertain explanations, in order to convince her at the outset ofmy good faith. The result justified my anticipations. I was atonce admitted to her confidence.
"She said, 'I must not hesitate to do an act of justice to aninnocent man. But, in such a serious matter as this, you have aright to judge for yourself whether the person who is nowspeaking to you is a person whom you can trust. You may believethat I tell the truth about others, if I begin--whatever it maycost me--by telling the truth about myself.'
2. _She Speaks of Herself_.
"I shall not attempt to place on record the confession of a mostunhappy woman. It was the common story of sin bitterly repented,and of vain effort to recover the lost place in social esteem.Too well known a story, surely, to be told again.
"But I may with perfect propriety repeat what Miss Jethro said tome, in allusion to later events in her life which are connectedwith my own personal experience. She recalled to my memory avisit which she had paid to me at Netherwoods, and a letteraddressed to her by Doctor Allday, which I had read at herexpress request.
"She said, 'You may remember that the letter contained somesevere reflections on my conduct. Among other things, the doctormentions that he called at the lodging I occupied during my visitto London, and found I had taken to flight: also that he hadreason to believe I had entered Miss Ladd's service, under falsepretenses.'
"I asked if the doctor had wronged her.
"She answered 'No: in one case, he is ignorant; in the other, heis right. On leaving his house, I found myself followed in thestreet by the man to whom I owe the shame and misery of my pastlife. My horror of him is not to be described in words. The oneway of escaping was offered by an empty cab that passed me. Ireached the railway station safely, and went back to my home inthe country. Do you blame me?'
"It was impossible to blame her--and I said so.
"She then confessed the deception which she had practiced on MissLadd. 'I have a cousin,' she said, 'who was a Miss Jethro likeme. Before her marriage she had been employed as a governess. Shepitied me; she sympathized with my longing to recover thecharacter that I had lost. With her permission, I made use of thetestimonials which she had earned as a teacher--I was betrayed(to this day I don't know by whom)--and I was dismissed fromNetherwoods. Now you know that I deceived Miss Ladd, you mayreasonably conclude that I am likely to deceive You.'
"I assured her, with perfect sincerity, that I had drawn no suchconclusion. Encouraged by my reply, Miss Jethro proceeded asfollows.
3. _She Speaks of Mirabel_.
"'Four years ago, I was living near Cowes, in the Isle ofWight--in a cottage which had been taken for me by a gentlemanwho was the owner of a yacht. We had just returned from a shortcruise, and the vessel was under orders to sail for Cherbourgwith the next tide.
"'While I was walking in my garden, I was startled by the suddenappearance Of a man (evidently a gentleman) who was a perfectstranger to me. He was in a pitiable state of terror, and heimplored my protection. In reply to my first inquiries, hementioned the inn at Zeeland, and the dreadful death of a personunknown to him; whom I recognized (partly by the descriptiongiven, and partly by comparison of dates) as Mr. James Brown. Ishall say nothing of the shock inflicted on me: you don't want toknow what I felt. What I did (having literally only a minute leftfor decision) was to hide the fugitive from discovery, and toexert my influence in his favor with the owner of the yacht. Isaw nothing more of him. He was put on board, as soon as thepolice were out of sight, and was safely landed at Cherbourg.'
"I asked what induced her to run the risk of protecting astranger, who was under suspicion of having committed a murder.
"She said, 'You shall hear my explanation directly. Let us havedone with Mr. Mirabel first. We occasionally corresponded, duringthe long absence on the continent; never alluding, at his expressrequest, to the horrible event at the inn. His last letterreached me, after he had established himself at Vale Regis.Writing of the society in the neighborhood, he infor med me ofhis introduction to Miss Wyvil, and of the invitation that he hadreceived to meet her friend and schoolfellow at Monksmoor. I knewthat Miss Emily possessed a Handbill describing personalpeculiarities in Mr. Mirabel, not hidden under the changedappearance of his head and face. If she remembered or happened torefer to that description, while she was living in the same housewith him, there was a possibility at least of her suspicion beingexcited. The fear of this took me to you. It was a morbid fear,and, as events turned out, an unfounded fear: but I was unable tocontrol it. Failing to produce any effect on you, I went to ValeRegis, and tried (vainly again) to induce Mr. Mirabel to send anexcuse to Monksmoor. He, like you, wanted to know what my motivewas. When I tell you that I acted solely in Miss Emily'sinterests, and that I knew how she had been deceived about herfather's death, need I say why I was afraid to acknowledge mymotive?'
"I understood that Miss Jethro might well be afraid of theconsequences, if she risked any allusion to Mr. Brown's horribledeath, and if it afterward chanced to reach his daughter's ears.But this state of feeling implied an extraordinary interest inthe preservation of Emily's peace of mind. I asked Miss Jethrohow that interest had been excited?
"She answered, 'I can only satisfy you in one way. I must speakof her father now.'"
Emily looked up from the manuscript. She felt Cecilia's armtenderly caressing her. She heard Cecilia say, "My poor dear,there is one last trial of your courage still to come. I amafraid of what you are going to read, when you turn to the nextpage. And yet--"
"And yet," Emily replied gently, "it must be done. I have learnedmy hard lesson of endurance, Cecilia, don't be afraid."
Emily turned to the next page.
4. _She Speaks of the Dead_.
"For the first time, Miss Jethro appeared to be at a loss how toproceed. I could see that she was suffering. She rose, andopening a drawer in her writing table, took a letter from it.
"She said, 'Will you read this? It was written by Miss Emily'sfather. Perhaps it may say more for me than I can say formyself?'
"I copy the letter. It was thus expressed:
"'You have declared that our farewell to-day is our farewellforever. For the second time, you have refused to be my wife; andyou have done this, to use your own words, in mercy to Me.
"'In mercy to Me, I implore you to reconsider your decision.
"'If you condemn me to live without you--I feel it, I knowit--you condemn me to despair which I have not fortitude enoughto endure. Look at the passages which I have marked for you inthe New Testament. Again and again, I say it; your truerepentance has made you worthy of the pardon of God. Are you notworthy of the love, admiration, and respect of man? Think! oh,Sara, think of what our lives might be, and let them be unitedfor time and for eternity.
"'I can write no more. A deadly faintness oppresses me. My mindis in a state unknown to me in past years. I am in such confusionthat I sometimes think I hate you. And then I recover from mydelusion, and know that man never loved woman as I love you.
"'You will have time to write to me by this evening's post. Ishall stop at Zeeland to-morrow, on my way back, and ask for aletter at the post office. I forbid explanations and excuses. Iforbid heartless allusions to your duty. Let me have an answerwhich does not keep me for a moment in suspense.
"'For the last time, I ask you: Do you consent to be my wife?Say, Yes--or say, No.'
"I gave her back the letter--with the one comment on it, whichthe circumstances permitted me to make:
"'You said No?'
"She bent her head in silence.
"I went on--not willingly, for I would have spared her if it hadbeen possible. I said, 'He died, despairing, by his own hand--andyou knew it?'
"She looked up. 'No! To say that I knew it is too much. To saythat I feared it is the truth.'
"'Did you love him?'
"She eyed me in stern surprise. 'Have _I_ any right to love?Could I disgrace an honorable man by allowing him to marry me?You look as if you held me responsible for his death.'
"'Innocently responsible,' I said.
"She still followed her own train of thought. 'Do you suppose Icould for a moment anticipate that he would destroy himself, whenI wrote my reply? He was a truly religious man. If he had been inhis right mind, he would have shrunk from the idea of suicide asfrom the idea of a crime.'
"On reflection, I was inclined to agree with her. In his terribleposition, it was at least possible that the sight of the razor(placed ready, with the other appliances of the toilet, for hisfellow-traveler's use) might have fatally tempted a man whoselast hope was crushed, whose mind was tortured by despair. Ishould have been merciless indeed, if I had held Miss Jethroaccountable thus far. But I found it hard to sympathize with thecourse which she had pursued, in permitting Mr. Brown's death tobe attributed to murder without a word of protest. 'Why were yousilent?' I said.
"She smiled bitterly.
"'A woman would have known why, without asking,' she replied. 'Awoman would have understood that I shrank from a publicconfession of my shameful past life. A woman would haveremembered what reasons I had for pitying the man who loved me,and for accepting any responsibility rather than associate hismemory, before the world, with an unworthy passion for a degradedcreature, ending in an act of suicide. Even if I had made thatcruel sacrifice, would public opinion have believed such a personas I am--against the evidence of a medical man, and the verdictof a jury? No, Mr. Morris! I said nothing, and I was resolved tosay nothing, so long as the choice of alternatives was left tome. On the day when Mr. Mirabel implored me to save him, thatchoice was no longer mine--and you know what I did. And now againwhen suspicion (after all the long interval that had passed) hasfollowed and found that innocent man, you know what I have done.What more do you ask of me?'
"'Your pardon,' I said, 'for not having understood you--and alast favor. May I repeat what I have heard to the one person ofall others who ought to know, and who must know, what you havetold me?'
"It was needless to hint more plainly that I was speaking ofEmily. Miss Jethro granted my request.
"'It shall be as you please,' she answered. 'Say for me to _his_daughter, that the grateful remembrance of her is my one refugefrom the thoughts that tortured me, when we spoke together on herlast night at school. She has made this dead heart of mine feel areviving breath of life, when I think of her. Never, in ourearthly pilgrimage, shall we meet again--I implore her to pityand forget me. Farewell, Mr. Morris; farewell forever.'
"I confess that the tears came into my eyes. When I could seeclearly again, I was alone in the room."