Chapter 4 - The Shoulder Of Athos, The Baldric Of Porthos And The Handkerchief Of Aramis

D'Artagnan, in a state of fury, crossed the antechamber at threebounds, and was darting toward the stairs, which he reckoned upondescending four at a time, when, in his heedless course, he ranhead foremost against a Musketeer who was coming out of one of M.de Treville's private rooms, and striking his shoulder violently,made him utter a cry, or rather a howl.

"Excuse me," said D'Artagnan, endeavoring to resume his course,"excuse me, but I am in a hurry."

Scarcely had he descended the first stair, when a hand of ironseized him by the belt and stopped him.

"You are in a hurry?" said the Musketeer, as pale as a sheet."Under that pretense you run against me! You say. 'Excuse me,'and you believe that is sufficient? Not at all my young man. Doyou fancy because you have heard Monsieur de Treville speak to usa little cavalierly today that other people are to treat us as hespeaks to us? Undeceive yourself, comrade, you are not Monsieurde Treville."

"My faith!" replied D'Artagnan, recognizing Athos, who, after thedressing performed by the doctor, was returning to his ownapartment. "I did not do it intentionally, and not doing itintentionally, I said 'Excuse me.' It appears to me that this isquite enough. I repeat to you, however, and this time on my wordof honor - I think perhaps too often - that I am in haste, greathaste. Leave your hold, then, I beg of you, and let me go wheremy business calls me."

"Monsieur," said Athos, letting him go, "you are not polite; itis easy to perceive that you come from a distance."

D'Artagnan had already strode down three or four stairs, but atAthos's last remark he stopped short.

"MORBLEU, monsieur!" said he, "however far I may come, it is notyou who can give me a lesson in good manners, I warn you."

"Perhaps," said Athos.

"Ah! If I were not in such haste, and if I were not runningafter someone," said D'Artagnan.

"Monsieur Man-in-a-hurry, you can find me without running - ME,you understand?"

"And where, I pray you?"

"Near the Carmes-Deschaux."

"At what hour?"

"About noon."

"About noon? That will do; I will be there."

"Endeavor not to make me wait; for at quarter past twelve I willcut off your ears as you run."

"Good!" cried D'Artagnan, "I will be there ten minutes beforetwelve." And he set off running as if the devil possessed him,hoping that he might yet find the stranger, whose slow pace couldnot have carried him far.

But at the street gate, Porthos was talking with the soldier onguard. Between the two talkers there was just enough room for aman to pass. D'Artagnan thought it would suffice for him, and hesprang forward like a dart between them. But D'Artagnan hadreckoned without the wind. As he was about to pass, the windblew out Porthos's long cloak, and D'Artagnan rushed straightinto the middle of it. Without doubt, Porthos had reasons fornot abandoning this part of his vestments, for instead ofquitting his hold on the flap in his hand, he pulled it towardhim, so that D'Artagnan rolled himself up in the velvet by amovement of rotation explained by the persistency of Porthos.

D'Artagnan, hearing the Musketeer swear, wished to escape fromthe cloak, which blinded him, and sought to find his way fromunder the folds of it. He was particularly anxious to avoidmarring the freshness of the magnificent baldric we areacquainted with; but on timidly opening his eyes, he foundhimself with his nose fixed between the two shoulders ofPorthos - that is to say, exactly upon the baldric.

Alas, like most things in this world which have nothing in theirfavor but appearances, the baldric was glittering with gold inthe front, but was nothing but simple buff behind. Vaingloriousas he was, Porthos could not afford to have a baldric wholly ofgold, but had at least half. One could comprehend the necessityof the cold and the urgency of the cloak.

"Bless me!" cried Porthos, making strong efforts to disembarrasshimself of D'Artagnan, who was wriggling about his back; "youmust be mad to run against people in this manner."

"Excuse me," said D'Artagnan, reappearing under the shoulder ofthe giant, "but I am in such haste - I was running after someoneand - "

"And do you always forget your eyes when you run?" asked Porthos.

"No," replied D'Artagnan, piqued, "and thanks to my eyes, I cansee what other people cannot see."

Whether Porthos understood him or did not understand him, givingway to his anger, "Monsieur," said he, "you stand a chance ofgetting chastised if you rub Musketeers in this fashion."

"Chastised, Monsieur!" said D'Artagnan, "the expression isstrong."

"It is one that becomes a man accustomed to look his enemies inthe face."

"Ah, PARDIEU! I know full well that you don't turn your back toyours."

And the young man, delighted with his joke, went away laughingloudly.

Porthos foamed with rage, and made a movement to rush afterD'Artagnan.

"Presently, presently," cried the latter, "when you haven't yourcloak on."

"At one o'clock, then, behind the Luxembourg."

"Very well, at one o'clock, then," replied D'Artagnan, turningthe angle of the street.

But neither in the street he had passed through, nor in the onewhich his eager glance pervaded, could he see anyone; howeverslowly the stranger had walked, he was gone on his way, orperhaps had entered some house. D'Artagnan inquired of everyonehe met with, went down to the ferry, came up again by the Rue deSeine, and the Red Cross; but nothing, absolutely nothing! Thischase was, however, advantageous to him in one sense, for inproportion as the perspiration broke from his forehead, his heartbegan to cool.

He began to reflect upon the events that had passed; they werenumerous and inauspicious. It was scarcely eleven o'clock in themorning, and yet this morning had already brought him intodisgrace with M. de Treville, who could not fail to think themanner in which D'Artagnan had left him a little cavalier.

Besides this, he had drawn upon himself two good duels with twomen, each capable of killing three D'Artagnans-with twoMusketeers, in short, with two of those beings whom he esteemedso greatly that he placed them in his mind and heart above allother men.

The outlook was sad. Sure of being killed by Athos, it mayeasily be understood that the young man was not very uneasy aboutPorthos. As hope, however, is the last thing extinguished in theheart of man, he finished by hoping that he might survive, eventhough with terrible wounds, in both these duels; and in case ofsurviving, he made the following reprehensions upon his ownconduct:

"What a madcap I was, and what a stupid fellow I am! That braveand unfortunate Athos was wounded on that very shoulder againstwhich I must run head foremost, like a ram. The only thing thatastonishes me is that he did not strike me dead at once. He hadgood cause to do so; the pain I gave him must have beenatrocious. As to Porthos - oh, as to Porthos, faith, that's adroll affair!"

And in spite of himself, the young man began to laugh aloud,looking round carefully, however, to see that his solitary laugh,without a cause in the eyes of passers-by, offended no one.

"As to Porthos, that is certainly droll; but I am not the less agiddy fool. Are people to be run against without warning? No!And have I any right to go and peep under their cloaks to seewhat is not there? He would have pardoned me, he would certainlyhave pardoned me, if I had not said anything to him about thatcursed baldric - in ambiguous words, it is true, but rather drollyambiguous. Ah, cursed Gascon that I am, I get from one hobbleinto another. Friend D'Artagnan," continued he, speaking tohimself with all the amenity that he thought due himself, "if youescape, of which there is not much chance, I would advise you topractice perfect politeness for the future. You must henceforthbe admired and quoted as a model of it. To be obliging andpolite does not necessarily make a man a coward. Look at Aramis,now; Aramis is mildness and grace personified. Well, did anybodyever dream of calling Aramis a coward? No, certainly not, andfrom this moment I will endeavor to model myself after him. Ah!That's strange! Here he is!"

D'Artagnan, walking and soliloquizing, had arrived within a fewsteps of the hotel d'Arguillon and in front of that hotelperceived Aramis, chatting gaily with three gentlemen; but as hehad not forgotten that it was in presence of this young man thatM. de Treville had been so angry in the morning, and as a witnessof the rebuke the Musketeers had received was not likely to be atall agreeable, he pretended not to see him. D'Artagnan, on thecontrary, quite full of his plans of conciliation and courtesy,approached the young men with a profound bow, accompanied by amost gracious smile. All four, besides, immediately broke offtheir conversation.

D'Artagnan was not so dull as not to perceive that he was one toomany; but he was not sufficiently broken into the fashions of thegay world to know how to extricate himself gallantly from a falseposition, like that of a man who begins to mingle with people heis scarcely acquainted with and in a conversation that does notconcern him. He was seeking in his mind, then, for the leastawkward means of retreat, when he remarked that Aramis had lethis handkerchief fall, and by mistake, no doubt, had placed hisfoot upon it. This appeared to be a favorable opportunity torepair his intrusion. He stooped, and with the most gracious airhe could assume, drew the handkerchief from under the foot of theMusketeer in spite of the efforts the latter made to detain it,and holding it out to him, said, "I believe, monsieur, that thisis a handkerchief you would be sorry to lose?"

The handkerchief was indeed richly embroidered, and had a coronetand arms at one of its corners. Aramis blushed excessively, andsnatched rather than took the handkerchief from the hand of theGascon.

"Ah, ah!" cried one of the Guards, "will you persist in saying,most discreet Aramis, that you are not on good terms with Madamede Bois-Tracy, when that gracious lady has the kindness to lendyou one of her handkerchiefs?"

Aramis darted at D'Artagnan one of those looks which inform a manthat he has acquired a mortal enemy. Then, resuming his mildair, "You are deceived, gentlemen," said he, "this handkerchiefis not mine, and I cannot fancy why Monsieur has taken it intohis head to offer it to me rather than to one of you; and as aproof of what I say, here is mine in my pocket."

So saying, he pulled out his own handkerchief, likewise a veryelegant handkerchief, and of fine cambric - though cambric wasdear at the period - but a handkerchief without embroidery andwithout arms, only ornamented with a single cipher, that of itsproprietor.

This time D'Artagnan was not hasty. He perceived his mistake;but the friends of Aramis were not at all convinced by hisdenial, and one of them addressed the young Musketeer withaffected seriousness. "If it were as you pretend it is," saidhe, "I should be forced, my dear Aramis, to reclaim it myself;for, as you very well know, Bois-Tracy is an intimate friend ofmine, and I cannot allow the property of his wife to be sportedas a trophy."

"You make the demand badly," replied Aramis; "and whileacknowledging the justice of your reclamation, I refuse it onaccount of the form."

"The fact is," hazarded D'Artagnan, timidly, "I did not see thehandkerchief fall from the pocket of Monsieur Aramis. He had hisfoot upon it, that is all; and I thought from having his footupon it the handkerchief was his."

"And you were deceived, my dear sir," replied Aramis, coldly,very little sensible to the reparation. Then turning toward thatone of the guards who had declared himself the friend of Bois-Tracy, "Besides," continued he, "I have reflected, my dearintimate of Bois-Tracy, that I am not less tenderly his friendthan you can possibly be; so that decidedly this handkerchief isas likely to have fallen from your pocket as mine."

"No, upon my honor!" cried his Majesty's Guardsman.

"You are about to swear upon your honor and I upon my word, andthen it will be pretty evident that one of us will have lied.Now, here, Montaran, we will do better than that - let each take ahalf."

"Of the handkerchief?"

"Yes."

"Perfectly just," cried the other two Guardsmen, "the judgment ofKing Solomon! Aramis, you certainly are full of wisdom!"

The young men burst into a laugh, and as may be supposed, theaffair had no other sequel. In a moment or two the conversationceased, and the three Guardsmen and the Musketeer, after havingcordially shaken hands, separated, the Guardsmen going one wayand Aramis another.

"Now is my time to make peace with this gallant man," saidD'Artagnan to himself, having stood on one side during the wholeof the latter part of the conversation; and with this goodfeeling drawing near to Aramis, who was departing without payingany attention to him, "Monsieur," said he, "you will excuse me, Ihope."

"Ah, monsieur," interrupted Aramis, "permit me to observe to youthat you have not acted in this affair as a gallant man ought."

"What, monsieur!" cried D'Artagnan, "and do you suppose - "

"I suppose, monsieur that you are not a fool, and that you knewvery well, although coming from Gascony, that people do not treadupon handkerchiefs without a reason. What the devil! Paris isnot paved with cambric!"

"Monsieur, you act wrongly in endeavoring to mortify me," saidD'Artagnan, in whom the natural quarrelsome spirit began to speakmore loudly than his pacific resolutions. "I am from Gascony, itis true; and since you know it, there is no occasion to tell youthat Gascons are not very patient, so that when they have beggedto be excused once, were it even for a folly, they are convincedthat they have done already at least as much again as they oughtto have done."

"Monsieur, what I say to you about the matter," said Aramis, "isnot for the sake of seeking a quarrel. Thank God, I am not abravo! And being a Musketeer but for a time, I only fight when Iam forced to do so, and always with great repugnance; but thistime the affair is serious, for here is a lady compromised byyou."

"By US, you mean!" cried D'Artagnan.

"Why did you so maladroitly restore me the handkerchief?"

"Why did you so awkwardly let it fall?"

"I have said, monsieur, and I repeat, that the handkerchief didnot fall from my pocket."

"And thereby you have lied twice, monsieur, for I saw it fall."

"Ah, you take it with that tone, do you, Master Gascon? Well, Iwill teach you how to behave yourself."

"And I will send you back to your Mass book, Master Abbe. Draw,if you please, and instantly - "

"Not so, if you please, my good friend - not here, at least. Doyou not perceive that we are opposite the Hotel d'Arguillon,which is full of the cardinal's creatures? How do I know thatthis is not his Eminence who has honored you with the commissionto procure my head? Now, I entertain a ridiculous partiality formy head, it seems to suit my shoulders so correctly. I wish tokill you, be at rest as to that, but to kill you quietly in asnug, remote place, where you will not be able to boast of yourdeath to anybody."

"I agree, monsieur; but do not be too confident. Take yourhandkerchief; whether it belongs to you or another, you mayperhaps stand in need of it."

"Monsieur is a Gascon?" asked Aramis.

"Yes. Monsieur does not postpone an interview through prudence?"

"Prudence, monsieur, is a virtue sufficiently useless toMusketeers, I know, but indispensable to churchmen; and as I amonly a Musketeer provisionally, I hold it good to be prudent. Attwo o'clock I shall have the honor of expecting you at the hotelof Monsieur de Treville. There I will indicate to you the bestplace and time."

The two young men bowed and separated, Aramis ascending thestreet which led to the Luxembourg, while D'Artagnan, perceivingthe appointed hour was approaching, took the road to theCarmes-Deschaux, saying to himself, "Decidedly I can't draw back;but at least, if I am killed, I shall be killed by a Musketeer."