A serious discussion concerning the use and value of my diary. Lupin’sopinion of ’Xmas. Lupin’s unfortunate engagement is on again.

DECEMBER 17.—As I open my scribbling diary I find the words “OxfordMichaelmas Term ends.” Why this should induce me to indulge inretrospective I don’t know, but it does. The last few weeks of my diaryare of minimum interest. The breaking off of the engagement betweenLupin and Daisy Mutlar has made him a different being, and Carrie arather depressing companion. She was a little dull last Saturday, and Ithought to cheer her up by reading some extracts from my diary; but shewalked out of the room in the middle of the reading, without a word. Onher return, I said: “Did my diary bore you, darling?”

She replied, to my surprise: “I really wasn’t listening, dear. I wasobliged to leave to give instructions to the laundress. In consequenceof some stuff she puts in the water, two more of Lupin’s coloured shirtshave run and he says he won’t wear them.”

I said: “Everything is Lupin. It’s all Lupin, Lupin, Lupin. There wasnot a single button on my shirt yesterday, but _I_ made no complaint.”

Carrie simply replied: “You should do as all other men do, and wearstuds. In fact, I never saw anyone but you wear buttons on theshirt-fronts.”

I said: “I certainly wore none yesterday, for there were none on.”

Another thought that strikes me is that Gowing seldom calls in theevening, and Cummings never does. I fear they don’t get on well withLupin.

DECEMBER 18.—Yesterday I was in a retrospective vein—to-day it is_prospective_. I see nothing but clouds, clouds, clouds. Lupin isperfectly intolerable over the Daisy Mutlar business. He won’t say whatis the cause of the breach. He is evidently condemning her conduct, andyet, if we venture to agree with him, says he won’t hear a word againsther. So what is one to do? Another thing which is disappointing to meis, that Carrie and Lupin take no interest whatever in my diary.

I broached the subject at the breakfast-table to-day. I said: “I was inhopes that, if anything ever happened to me, the diary would be anendless source of pleasure to you both; to say nothing of the chance ofthe remuneration which may accrue from its being published.”

Both Carrie and Lupin burst out laughing. Carrie was sorry for this, Icould see, for she said: “I did not mean to be rude, dear Charlie; buttruly I do not think your diary would sufficiently interest the public tobe taken up by a publisher.”

I replied: “I am sure it would prove quite as interesting as some of theridiculous reminiscences that have been published lately. Besides, it’sthe diary that makes the man. Where would Evelyn and Pepys have been ifit had not been for their diaries?”

Carrie said I was quite a philosopher; but Lupin, in a jeering tone,said: “If it had been written on larger paper, Guv., we might get a fairprice from a butterman for it.”

As I am in the prospective vein, I vow the end of this year will see theend of my diary.

DECEMBER 19.—The annual invitation came to spend Christmas with Carrie’smother—the usual family festive gathering to which we always lookforward. Lupin declined to go. I was astounded, and expressed mysurprise and disgust. Lupin then obliged us with the following Radicalspeech: “I hate a family gathering at Christmas. What does it mean? Whysomeone says: ‘Ah! we miss poor Uncle James, who was here last year,’ andwe all begin to snivel. Someone else says: ‘It’s two years since poorAunt Liz used to sit in that corner.’ Then we all begin to snivel again.Then another gloomy relation says ‘Ah! I wonder whose turn it will benext?’ Then we all snivel again, and proceed to eat and drink too much;and they don’t discover until _I_ get up that we have been seatedthirteen at dinner.”

DECEMBER 20.—Went to Smirksons’, the drapers, in the Strand, who thisyear have turned out everything in the shop and devoted the whole placeto the sale of Christmas cards. Shop crowded with people, who seemed totake up the cards rather roughly, and, after a hurried glance at them,throw them down again. I remarked to one of the young persons serving,that carelessness appeared to be a disease with some purchasers. Theobservation was scarcely out of my mouth, when my thick coat-sleevecaught against a large pile of expensive cards in boxes one on top of theother, and threw them down. The manager came forward, looking very muchannoyed, and picking up several cards from the ground, said to one of theassistants, with a palpable side-glance at me: “Put these amongst thesixpenny goods; they can’t be sold for a shilling now.” The result was,I felt it my duty to buy some of these damaged cards.

I had to buy more and pay more than intended. Unfortunately I did notexamine them all, and when I got home I discovered a vulgar card with apicture of a fat nurse with two babies, one black and the other white,and the words: “We wish Pa a Merry Christmas.” I tore up the card andthrew it away. Carrie said the great disadvantage of going out inSociety and increasing the number of our friends was, that we should haveto send out nearly two dozen cards this year.

DECEMBER 21.—To save the postman a miserable Christmas, we follow theexample of all unselfish people, and send out our cards early. Most ofthe cards had finger-marks, which I did not notice at night. I shall buyall future cards in the daytime. Lupin (who, ever since he has had theappointment with a stock and share broker, does not seem over-scrupulousin his dealings) told me never to rub out the pencilled price on thebacks of the cards. I asked him why. Lupin said: “Suppose your card ismarked 9d. Well, all you have to do is to pencil a 3—and a longdown-stroke after it—in _front_ of the ninepence, and people will thinkyou have given five times the price for it.”

In the evening Lupin was very low-spirited, and I reminded him thatbehind the clouds the sun was shining. He said: “Ugh! it never shines onme.” I said: “Stop, Lupin, my boy; you are worried about Daisy Mutlar.Don’t think of her any more. You ought to congratulate yourself onhaving got off a very bad bargain. Her notions are far too grand for oursimple tastes.” He jumped up and said: “I won’t allow one word to beuttered against her. She’s worth the whole bunch of your friends puttogether, that inflated, sloping-head of a Perkupp included.” I left theroom with silent dignity, but caught my foot in the mat.

DECEMBER 23.—I exchanged no words with Lupin in the morning; but as heseemed to be in exuberant spirits in the evening, I ventured to ask himwhere he intended to spend his Christmas. He replied: “Oh, most likelyat the Mutlars’.”

In wonderment, I said: “What! after your engagement has been broken off?”

Lupin said: “Who said it is off?”

I said: “You have given us both to understand—”

He interrupted me by saying: “Well, never mind what I said. _It is onagain—there_!”