Chapter 30 - Festivities are held in honour of Nicholas, who suddenly withdrawshimself from the Soci
Mr Vincent Crummles was no sooner acquainted with the publicannouncement which Nicholas had made relative to the probability ofhis shortly ceasing to be a member of the company, than he evinced manytokens of grief and consternation; and, in the extremity of his despair,even held out certain vague promises of a speedy improvement not only inthe amount of his regular salary, but also in the contingent emolumentsappertaining to his authorship. Finding Nicholas bent upon quitting thesociety--for he had now determined that, even if no further tidings camefrom Newman, he would, at all hazards, ease his mind by repairing toLondon and ascertaining the exact position of his sister--Mr Crummleswas fain to content himself by calculating the chances of his comingback again, and taking prompt and energetic measures to make the most ofhim before he went away.
'Let me see,' said Mr Crummles, taking off his outlaw's wig, the betterto arrive at a cool-headed view of the whole case. 'Let me see. This isWednesday night. We'll have posters out the first thing in the morning,announcing positively your last appearance for tomorrow.'
'But perhaps it may not be my last appearance, you know,' said Nicholas.'Unless I am summoned away, I should be sorry to inconvenience you byleaving before the end of the week.'
'So much the better,' returned Mr Crummles. 'We can have positivelyyour last appearance, on Thursday--re-engagement for one night more, onFriday--and, yielding to the wishes of numerous influential patrons, whowere disappointed in obtaining seats, on Saturday. That ought to bringthree very decent houses.'
'Then I am to make three last appearances, am I?' inquired Nicholas,smiling.
'Yes,' rejoined the manager, scratching his head with an air of somevexation; 'three is not enough, and it's very bungling and irregularnot to have more, but if we can't help it we can't, so there's no usein talking. A novelty would be very desirable. You couldn't sing a comicsong on the pony's back, could you?'
'No,' replied Nicholas, 'I couldn't indeed.'
'It has drawn money before now,' said Mr Crummles, with a look ofdisappointment. 'What do you think of a brilliant display of fireworks?'
'That it would be rather expensive,' replied Nicholas, drily.
'Eighteen-pence would do it,' said Mr Crummles. 'You on the top ofa pair of steps with the phenomenon in an attitude; "Farewell!" on atransparency behind; and nine people at the wings with a squib in eachhand--all the dozen and a half going off at once--it would be verygrand--awful from the front, quite awful.'
As Nicholas appeared by no means impressed with the solemnity of theproposed effect, but, on the contrary, received the proposition in amost irreverent manner, and laughed at it very heartily, Mr Crummlesabandoned the project in its birth, and gloomily observed that theymust make up the best bill they could with combats and hornpipes, and sostick to the legitimate drama.
For the purpose of carrying this object into instant execution, themanager at once repaired to a small dressing-room, adjacent, whereMrs Crummles was then occupied in exchanging the habiliments ofa melodramatic empress for the ordinary attire of matrons in thenineteenth century. And with the assistance of this lady, and theaccomplished Mrs Grudden (who had quite a genius for making out bills,being a great hand at throwing in the notes of admiration, and knowingfrom long experience exactly where the largest capitals ought to go), heseriously applied himself to the composition of the poster.
'Heigho!' sighed Nicholas, as he threw himself back in the prompter'schair, after telegraphing the needful directions to Smike, who had beenplaying a meagre tailor in the interlude, with one skirt to his coat,and a little pocket-handkerchief with a large hole in it, and a woollennightcap, and a red nose, and other distinctive marks peculiar totailors on the stage. 'Heigho! I wish all this were over.'
'Over, Mr Johnson!' repeated a female voice behind him, in a kind ofplaintive surprise.
'It was an ungallant speech, certainly,' said Nicholas, looking up tosee who the speaker was, and recognising Miss Snevellicci. 'I would nothave made it if I had known you had been within hearing.'
'What a dear that Mr Digby is!' said Miss Snevellicci, as the tailorwent off on the opposite side, at the end of the piece, with greatapplause. (Smike's theatrical name was Digby.)
'I'll tell him presently, for his gratification, that you said so,'returned Nicholas.
'Oh you naughty thing!' rejoined Miss Snevellicci. 'I don't know though,that I should much mind HIS knowing my opinion of him; with some otherpeople, indeed, it might be--' Here Miss Snevellicci stopped, as thoughwaiting to be questioned, but no questioning came, for Nicholas wasthinking about more serious matters.
'How kind it is of you,' resumed Miss Snevellicci, after a shortsilence, 'to sit waiting here for him night after night, night afternight, no matter how tired you are; and taking so much pains with him,and doing it all with as much delight and readiness as if you werecoining gold by it!'
'He well deserves all the kindness I can show him, and a great dealmore,' said Nicholas. 'He is the most grateful, single-hearted,affectionate creature that ever breathed.'
'So odd, too,' remarked Miss Snevellicci, 'isn't he?'
'God help him, and those who have made him so; he is indeed,' rejoinedNicholas, shaking his head.
'He is such a devilish close chap,' said Mr Folair, who had come up alittle before, and now joined in the conversation. 'Nobody can ever getanything out of him.'
'What SHOULD they get out of him?' asked Nicholas, turning round withsome abruptness.
'Zooks! what a fire-eater you are, Johnson!' returned Mr Folair, pullingup the heel of his dancing shoe. 'I'm only talking of the naturalcuriosity of the people here, to know what he has been about all hislife.'
'Poor fellow! it is pretty plain, I should think, that he has not theintellect to have been about anything of much importance to them oranybody else,' said Nicholas.
'Ay,' rejoined the actor, contemplating the effect of his face in a lampreflector, 'but that involves the whole question, you know.'
'What question?' asked Nicholas.
'Why, the who he is and what he is, and how you two, who are sodifferent, came to be such close companions,' replied Mr Folair,delighted with the opportunity of saying something disagreeable. 'That'sin everybody's mouth.'
'The "everybody" of the theatre, I suppose?' said Nicholas,contemptuously.
'In it and out of it too,' replied the actor. 'Why, you know, Lenvillesays--'
'I thought I had silenced him effectually,' interrupted Nicholas,reddening.
'Perhaps you have,' rejoined the immovable Mr Folair; 'if you have, hesaid this before he was silenced: Lenville says that you're a regularstick of an actor, and that it's only the mystery about you that hascaused you to go down with the people here, and that Crummles keepsit up for his own sake; though Lenville says he don't believe there'sanything at all in it, except your having got into a scrape and run awayfrom somewhere, for doing something or other.'
'Oh!' said Nicholas, forcing a smile.
'That's a part of what he says,' added Mr Folair. 'I mention it as thefriend of both parties, and in strict confidence. I don't agree withhim, you know. He says he takes Digby to be more knave than fool; andold Fluggers, who does the heavy business you know, HE says that when hedelivered messages at Covent Garden the season before last, there usedto be a pickpocket hovering about the coach-stand who had exactly theface of Digby; though, as he very properly says, Digby may not be thesame, but only his brother, or some near relation.'
'Oh!' cried Nicholas again.
'Yes,' said Mr Folair, with undisturbed calmness, 'that's what they say.I thought I'd tell you, because really you ought to know. Oh! here'sthis blessed phenomenon at last. Ugh, you little imposition, I shouldlike to--quite ready, my darling,--humbug--Ring up, Mrs G., and let thefavourite wake 'em.'
Uttering in a loud voice such of the latter allusions as werecomplimentary to the unconscious phenomenon, and giving the rest in aconfidential 'aside' to Nicholas, Mr Folair followed the ascent ofthe curtain with his eyes, regarded with a sneer the reception of MissCrummles as the Maiden, and, falling back a step or two to advance withthe better effect, uttered a preliminary howl, and 'went on' chatteringhis teeth and brandishing his tin tomahawk as the Indian Savage.
'So these are some of the stories they invent about us, and bandy frommouth to mouth!' thought Nicholas. 'If a man would commit an inexpiableoffence against any society, large or small, let him be successful. Theywill forgive him any crime but that.'
'You surely don't mind what that malicious creature says, Mr Johnson?'observed Miss Snevellicci in her most winning tones.
'Not I,' replied Nicholas. 'If I were going to remain here, I mightthink it worth my while to embroil myself. As it is, let them talk tillthey are hoarse. But here,' added Nicholas, as Smike approached, 'herecomes the subject of a portion of their good-nature, so let he and I saygood night together.'
'No, I will not let either of you say anything of the kind,' returnedMiss Snevellicci. 'You must come home and see mama, who only came toPortsmouth today, and is dying to behold you. Led, my dear, persuade MrJohnson.'
'Oh, I'm sure,' returned Miss Ledrook, with considerable vivacity, 'ifYOU can't persuade him--' Miss Ledrook said no more, but intimated, bya dexterous playfulness, that if Miss Snevellicci couldn't persuade him,nobody could.
'Mr and Mrs Lillyvick have taken lodgings in our house, and share oursitting-room for the present,' said Miss Snevellicci. 'Won't that induceyou?'
'Surely,' returned Nicholas, 'I can require no possible inducementbeyond your invitation.'
'Oh no! I dare say,' rejoined Miss Snevellicci. And Miss Ledrook said,'Upon my word!' Upon which Miss Snevellicci said that Miss Ledrook was agiddy thing; and Miss Ledrook said that Miss Snevellicci needn't colourup quite so much; and Miss Snevellicci beat Miss Ledrook, and MissLedrook beat Miss Snevellicci.
'Come,' said Miss Ledrook, 'it's high time we were there, or we shallhave poor Mrs Snevellicci thinking that you have run away with herdaughter, Mr Johnson; and then we should have a pretty to-do.'
'My dear Led,' remonstrated Miss Snevellicci, 'how you do talk!'
Miss Ledrook made no answer, but taking Smike's arm in hers, left herfriend and Nicholas to follow at their pleasure; which it pleased them,or rather pleased Nicholas, who had no great fancy for a TETE-A-TETEunder the circumstances, to do at once.
There were not wanting matters of conversation when they reached thestreet, for it turned out that Miss Snevellicci had a small basket tocarry home, and Miss Ledrook a small bandbox, both containing such minorarticles of theatrical costume as the lady performers usually carried toand fro every evening. Nicholas would insist upon carrying the basket,and Miss Snevellicci would insist upon carrying it herself, whichgave rise to a struggle, in which Nicholas captured the basket andthe bandbox likewise. Then Nicholas said, that he wondered what couldpossibly be inside the basket, and attempted to peep in, whereat MissSnevellicci screamed, and declared that if she thought he had seen,she was sure she should faint away. This declaration was followed by asimilar attempt on the bandbox, and similar demonstrations on the partof Miss Ledrook, and then both ladies vowed that they wouldn't move astep further until Nicholas had promised that he wouldn't offer to peepagain. At last Nicholas pledged himself to betray no further curiosity,and they walked on: both ladies giggling very much, and declaringthat they never had seen such a wicked creature in all their borndays--never.
Lightening the way with such pleasantry as this, they arrived at thetailor's house in no time; and here they made quite a little party,there being present besides Mr Lillyvick and Mrs Lillyvick, not onlyMiss Snevellicci's mama, but her papa also. And an uncommonly fine manMiss Snevellicci's papa was, with a hook nose, and a white forehead, andcurly black hair, and high cheek bones, and altogether quite a handsomeface, only a little pimply as though with drinking. He had a verybroad chest had Miss Snevellicci's papa, and he wore a threadbare bluedress-coat buttoned with gilt buttons tight across it; and he no soonersaw Nicholas come into the room, than he whipped the two forefingers ofhis right hand in between the two centre buttons, and sticking his otherarm gracefully a-kimbo seemed to say, 'Now, here I am, my buck, and whathave you got to say to me?'
Such was, and in such an attitude sat Miss Snevellicci's papa, who hadbeen in the profession ever since he had first played the ten-year-oldimps in the Christmas pantomimes; who could sing a little, dance alittle, fence a little, act a little, and do everything a little, butnot much; who had been sometimes in the ballet, and sometimes in thechorus, at every theatre in London; who was always selected in virtueof his figure to play the military visitors and the speechless noblemen;who always wore a smart dress, and came on arm-in-arm with a smart ladyin short petticoats,--and always did it too with such an air that peoplein the pit had been several times known to cry out 'Bravo!' under theimpression that he was somebody. Such was Miss Snevellicci's papa, uponwhom some envious persons cast the imputation that he occasionally beatMiss Snevellicci's mama, who was still a dancer, with a neat littlefigure and some remains of good looks; and who now sat, as shedanced,--being rather too old for the full glare of the foot-lights,--inthe background.
To these good people Nicholas was presented with much formality. Theintroduction being completed, Miss Snevellicci's papa (who was scentedwith rum-and-water) said that he was delighted to make the acquaintanceof a gentleman so highly talented; and furthermore remarked, that therehadn't been such a hit made--no, not since the first appearance of hisfriend Mr Glavormelly, at the Coburg.
'You have seen him, sir?' said Miss Snevellicci's papa.
'No, really I never did,' replied Nicholas.
'You never saw my friend Glavormelly, sir!' said Miss Snevellicci'spapa. 'Then you have never seen acting yet. If he had lived--'
'Oh, he is dead, is he?' interrupted Nicholas.
'He is,' said Mr Snevellicci, 'but he isn't in Westminster Abbey, more'sthe shame. He was a--. Well, no matter. He is gone to that bourne fromwhence no traveller returns. I hope he is appreciated THERE.'
So saying Miss Snevellicci's papa rubbed the tip of his nose with a veryyellow silk handkerchief, and gave the company to understand that theserecollections overcame him.
'Well, Mr Lillyvick,' said Nicholas, 'and how are you?'
'Quite well, sir,' replied the collector. 'There is nothing like themarried state, sir, depend upon it.'
'Indeed!' said Nicholas, laughing.
'Ah! nothing like it, sir,' replied Mr Lillyvick solemnly. 'How do youthink,' whispered the collector, drawing him aside, 'how do you thinkshe looks tonight?'
'As handsome as ever,' replied Nicholas, glancing at the late MissPetowker.
'Why, there's air about her, sir,' whispered the collector, 'that Inever saw in anybody. Look at her now she moves to put the kettle on.There! Isn't it fascination, sir?'
'You're a lucky man,' said Nicholas.
'Ha, ha, ha!' rejoined the collector. 'No. Do you think I am though,eh? Perhaps I may be, perhaps I may be. I say, I couldn't have done muchbetter if I had been a young man, could I? You couldn't have done muchbetter yourself, could you--eh--could you?' With such inquires, andmany more such, Mr Lillyvick jerked his elbow into Nicholas's side, andchuckled till his face became quite purple in the attempt to keep downhis satisfaction.
By this time the cloth had been laid under the joint superintendence ofall the ladies, upon two tables put together, one being high and narrow,and the other low and broad. There were oysters at the top, sausagesat the bottom, a pair of snuffers in the centre, and baked potatoeswherever it was most convenient to put them. Two additional chairs werebrought in from the bedroom: Miss Snevellicci sat at the head of thetable, and Mr Lillyvick at the foot; and Nicholas had not onlythe honour of sitting next Miss Snevellicci, but of having MissSnevellicci's mama on his right hand, and Miss Snevellicci's papa overthe way. In short, he was the hero of the feast; and when the table wascleared and something warm introduced, Miss Snevellicci's papa got upand proposed his health in a speech containing such affecting allusionsto his coming departure, that Miss Snevellicci wept, and was compelledto retire into the bedroom.
'Hush! Don't take any notice of it,' said Miss Ledrook, peeping in fromthe bedroom. 'Say, when she comes back, that she exerts herself toomuch.'
Miss Ledrook eked out this speech with so many mysterious nods andfrowns before she shut the door again, that a profound silence came uponall the company, during which Miss Snevellicci's papa looked verybig indeed--several sizes larger than life--at everybody in turn, butparticularly at Nicholas, and kept on perpetually emptying his tumblerand filling it again, until the ladies returned in a cluster, with MissSnevellicci among them.
'You needn't alarm yourself a bit, Mr Snevellicci,' said Mrs Lillyvick.'She is only a little weak and nervous; she has been so ever since themorning.'
'Oh,' said Mr Snevellicci, 'that's all, is it?'
'Oh yes, that's all. Don't make a fuss about it,' cried all the ladiestogether.
Now this was not exactly the kind of reply suited to Mr Snevellicci'simportance as a man and a father, so he picked out the unfortunate MrsSnevellicci, and asked her what the devil she meant by talking to him inthat way.
'Dear me, my dear!' said Mrs Snevellicci.
'Don't call me your dear, ma'am,' said Mr Snevellicci, 'if you please.'
'Pray, pa, don't,' interposed Miss Snevellicci.
'Don't what, my child?'
'Talk in that way.'
'Why not?' said Mr Snevellicci. 'I hope you don't suppose there'sanybody here who is to prevent my talking as I like?'
'Nobody wants to, pa,' rejoined his daughter.
'Nobody would if they did want to,' said Mr Snevellicci. 'I am notashamed of myself, Snevellicci is my name; I'm to be found in BroadCourt, Bow Street, when I'm in town. If I'm not at home, let any manask for me at the stage-door. Damme, they know me at the stage-doorI suppose. Most men have seen my portrait at the cigar shop round thecorner. I've been mentioned in the newspapers before now, haven't I?Talk! I'll tell you what; if I found out that any man had been tamperingwith the affections of my daughter, I wouldn't talk. I'd astonish himwithout talking; that's my way.'
So saying, Mr Snevellicci struck the palm of his left hand three smartblows with his clenched fist; pulled a phantom nose with his right thumband forefinger, and swallowed another glassful at a draught. 'That's myway,' repeated Mr Snevellicci.
Most public characters have their failings; and the truth is that MrSnevellicci was a little addicted to drinking; or, if the whole truthmust be told, that he was scarcely ever sober. He knew in his cups threedistinct stages of intoxication,--the dignified--the quarrelsome--theamorous. When professionally engaged he never got beyond the dignified;in private circles he went through all three, passing from one toanother with a rapidity of transition often rather perplexing to thosewho had not the honour of his acquaintance.
Thus Mr Snevellicci had no sooner swallowed another glassful than hesmiled upon all present in happy forgetfulness of having exhibitedsymptoms of pugnacity, and proposed 'The ladies! Bless their hearts!' ina most vivacious manner.
'I love 'em,' said Mr Snevellicci, looking round the table, 'I love 'em,every one.'
'Not every one,' reasoned Mr Lillyvick, mildly.
'Yes, every one,' repeated Mr Snevellicci.
'That would include the married ladies, you know,' said Mr Lillyvick.
'I love them too, sir,' said Mr Snevellicci.
The collector looked into the surrounding faces with an aspect of graveastonishment, seeming to say, 'This is a nice man!' and appeared alittle surprised that Mrs Lillyvick's manner yielded no evidences ofhorror and indignation.
'One good turn deserves another,' said Mr Snevellicci. 'I love themand they love me.' And as if this avowal were not made in sufficientdisregard and defiance of all moral obligations, what did Mr Snevelliccido? He winked--winked openly and undisguisedly; winked with his righteye--upon Henrietta Lillyvick!
The collector fell back in his chair in the intensity of hisastonishment. If anybody had winked at her as Henrietta Petowker, itwould have been indecorous in the last degree; but as Mrs Lillyvick!While he thought of it in a cold perspiration, and wondered whetherit was possible that he could be dreaming, Mr Snevellicci repeated thewink, and drinking to Mrs Lillyvick in dumb show, actually blew her akiss! Mr Lillyvick left his chair, walked straight up to the otherend of the table, and fell upon him--literally fell uponhim--instantaneously. Mr Lillyvick was no light weight, and consequentlywhen he fell upon Mr Snevellicci, Mr Snevellicci fell under the table.Mr Lillyvick followed him, and the ladies screamed.
'What is the matter with the men! Are they mad?' cried Nicholas, divingunder the table, dragging up the collector by main force, and thrustinghim, all doubled up, into a chair, as if he had been a stuffed figure.'What do you mean to do? What do you want to do? What is the matter withyou?'
While Nicholas raised up the collector, Smike had performed the sameoffice for Mr Snevellicci, who now regarded his late adversary in tipsyamazement.
'Look here, sir,' replied Mr Lillyvick, pointing to his astonishedwife, 'here is purity and elegance combined, whose feelings have beenoutraged--violated, sir!'
'Lor, what nonsense he talks!' exclaimed Mrs Lillyvick in answer to theinquiring look of Nicholas. 'Nobody has said anything to me.'
'Said, Henrietta!' cried the collector. 'Didn't I see him--' MrLillyvick couldn't bring himself to utter the word, but he counterfeitedthe motion of the eye.
'Well!' cried Mrs Lillyvick. 'Do you suppose nobody is ever to look atme? A pretty thing to be married indeed, if that was law!'
'You didn't mind it?' cried the collector.
'Mind it!' repeated Mrs Lillyvick contemptuously. 'You ought to go downon your knees and beg everybody's pardon, that you ought.'
'Pardon, my dear?' said the dismayed collector.
'Yes, and mine first,' replied Mrs Lillyvick. 'Do you suppose I ain'tthe best judge of what's proper and what's improper?'
'To be sure,' cried all the ladies. 'Do you suppose WE shouldn't be thefirst to speak, if there was anything that ought to be taken notice of?'
'Do you suppose THEY don't know, sir?' said Miss Snevellicci's papa,pulling up his collar, and muttering something about a punching ofheads, and being only withheld by considerations of age. With which MissSnevellicci's papa looked steadily and sternly at Mr Lillyvick for someseconds, and then rising deliberately from his chair, kissed the ladiesall round, beginning with Mrs Lillyvick.
The unhappy collector looked piteously at his wife, as if to see whetherthere was any one trait of Miss Petowker left in Mrs Lillyvick, andfinding too surely that there was not, begged pardon of all the companywith great humility, and sat down such a crest-fallen, dispirited,disenchanted man, that despite all his selfishness and dotage, he wasquite an object of compassion.
Miss Snevellicci's papa being greatly exalted by this triumph, andincontestable proof of his popularity with the fair sex, quickly grewconvivial, not to say uproarious; volunteering more than one song ofno inconsiderable length, and regaling the social circle between-whileswith recollections of divers splendid women who had been supposed toentertain a passion for himself, several of whom he toasted by name,taking occasion to remark at the same time that if he had been a littlemore alive to his own interest, he might have been rolling at thatmoment in his chariot-and-four. These reminiscences appeared to awakenno very torturing pangs in the breast of Mrs Snevellicci, who wassufficiently occupied in descanting to Nicholas upon the manifoldaccomplishments and merits of her daughter. Nor was the young ladyherself at all behind-hand in displaying her choicest allurements; butthese, heightened as they were by the artifices of Miss Ledrook, had noeffect whatever in increasing the attentions of Nicholas, who, with theprecedent of Miss Squeers still fresh in his memory, steadily resistedevery fascination, and placed so strict a guard upon his behaviour thatwhen he had taken his leave the ladies were unanimous in pronouncing himquite a monster of insensibility.
Next day the posters appeared in due course, and the public wereinformed, in all the colours of the rainbow, and in letters afflictedwith every possible variation of spinal deformity, how that Mr Johnsonwould have the honour of making his last appearance that evening, andhow that an early application for places was requested, in consequenceof the extraordinary overflow attendant on his performances,--it beinga remarkable fact in theatrical history, but one long since establishedbeyond dispute, that it is a hopeless endeavour to attract people to atheatre unless they can be first brought to believe that they will neverget into it.
Nicholas was somewhat at a loss, on entering the theatre at night,to account for the unusual perturbation and excitement visible in thecountenances of all the company, but he was not long in doubt as to thecause, for before he could make any inquiry respecting it Mr Crummlesapproached, and in an agitated tone of voice, informed him that therewas a London manager in the boxes.
'It's the phenomenon, depend upon it, sir,' said Crummles, draggingNicholas to the little hole in the curtain that he might look through atthe London manager. 'I have not the smallest doubt it's the fame of thephenomenon--that's the man; him in the great-coat and no shirt-collar.She shall have ten pound a week, Johnson; she shall not appear on theLondon boards for a farthing less. They shan't engage her either, unlessthey engage Mrs Crummles too--twenty pound a week for the pair; or I'lltell you what, I'll throw in myself and the two boys, and they shallhave the family for thirty. I can't say fairer than that. They must takeus all, if none of us will go without the others. That's the way some ofthe London people do, and it always answers. Thirty pound a week--it'stoo cheap, Johnson. It's dirt cheap.'
Nicholas replied, that it certainly was; and Mr Vincent Crummles takingseveral huge pinches of snuff to compose his feelings, hurried away totell Mrs Crummles that he had quite settled the only terms that could beaccepted, and had resolved not to abate one single farthing.
When everybody was dressed and the curtain went up, the excitementoccasioned by the presence of the London manager increased athousand-fold. Everybody happened to know that the London manager hadcome down specially to witness his or her own performance, and all werein a flutter of anxiety and expectation. Some of those who were noton in the first scene, hurried to the wings, and there stretched theirnecks to have a peep at him; others stole up into the two little privateboxes over the stage-doors, and from that position reconnoitred theLondon manager. Once the London manager was seen to smile--he smiledat the comic countryman's pretending to catch a blue-bottle, while MrsCrummles was making her greatest effect. 'Very good, my fine fellow,'said Mr Crummles, shaking his fist at the comic countryman when he cameoff, 'you leave this company next Saturday night.'
In the same way, everybody who was on the stage beheld no audience butone individual; everybody played to the London manager. When Mr Lenvillein a sudden burst of passion called the emperor a miscreant, and thenbiting his glove, said, 'But I must dissemble,' instead of lookinggloomily at the boards and so waiting for his cue, as is proper in suchcases, he kept his eye fixed upon the London manager. When Miss Bravassasang her song at her lover, who according to custom stood ready to shakehands with her between the verses, they looked, not at each other, butat the London manager. Mr Crummles died point blank at him; and when thetwo guards came in to take the body off after a very hard death, it wasseen to open its eyes and glance at the London manager. At length theLondon manager was discovered to be asleep, and shortly after thathe woke up and went away, whereupon all the company fell foul of theunhappy comic countryman, declaring that his buffoonery was the solecause; and Mr Crummles said, that he had put up with it a long time, butthat he really couldn't stand it any longer, and therefore would feelobliged by his looking out for another engagement.
All this was the occasion of much amusement to Nicholas, whose onlyfeeling upon the subject was one of sincere satisfaction that the greatman went away before he appeared. He went through his part in thetwo last pieces as briskly as he could, and having been received withunbounded favour and unprecedented applause--so said the bills for nextday, which had been printed an hour or two before--he took Smike's armand walked home to bed.
With the post next morning came a letter from Newman Noggs, very inky,very short, very dirty, very small, and very mysterious, urging Nicholasto return to London instantly; not to lose an instant; to be there thatnight if possible.
'I will,' said Nicholas. 'Heaven knows I have remained here for thebest, and sorely against my own will; but even now I may have dalliedtoo long. What can have happened? Smike, my good fellow, here--take mypurse. Put our things together, and pay what little debts we owe--quick,and we shall be in time for the morning coach. I will only tell themthat we are going, and will return to you immediately.'
So saying, he took his hat, and hurrying away to the lodgings of MrCrummles, applied his hand to the knocker with such hearty good-will,that he awakened that gentleman, who was still in bed, and caused MrBulph the pilot to take his morning's pipe very nearly out of his mouthin the extremity of his surprise.
The door being opened, Nicholas ran upstairs without any ceremony, andbursting into the darkened sitting-room on the one-pair front, foundthat the two Master Crummleses had sprung out of the sofa-bedstead andwere putting on their clothes with great rapidity, under the impressionthat it was the middle of the night, and the next house was on fire.
Before he could undeceive them, Mr Crummles came down in a flannel gownand nightcap; and to him Nicholas briefly explained that circumstanceshad occurred which rendered it necessary for him to repair to Londonimmediately.
'So goodbye,' said Nicholas; 'goodbye, goodbye.'
He was half-way downstairs before Mr Crummles had sufficiently recoveredhis surprise to gasp out something about the posters.
'I can't help it,' replied Nicholas. 'Set whatever I may have earnedthis week against them, or if that will not repay you, say at once whatwill. Quick, quick.'
'We'll cry quits about that,' returned Crummles. 'But can't we have onelast night more?'
'Not an hour--not a minute,' replied Nicholas, impatiently.
'Won't you stop to say something to Mrs Crummles?' asked the manager,following him down to the door.
'I couldn't stop if it were to prolong my life a score of years,'rejoined Nicholas. 'Here, take my hand, and with it my heartythanks.--Oh! that I should have been fooling here!'
Accompanying these words with an impatient stamp upon the ground, hetore himself from the manager's detaining grasp, and darting rapidlydown the street was out of sight in an instant.
'Dear me, dear me,' said Mr Crummles, looking wistfully towards thepoint at which he had just disappeared; 'if he only acted like that,what a deal of money he'd draw! He should have kept upon this circuit;he'd have been very useful to me. But he don't know what's good for him.He is an impetuous youth. Young men are rash, very rash.'
Mr Crummles being in a moralising mood, might possibly have moralisedfor some minutes longer if he had not mechanically put his hand towardshis waistcoat pocket, where he was accustomed to keep his snuff. Theabsence of any pocket at all in the usual direction, suddenly recalledto his recollection the fact that he had no waistcoat on; and thisleading him to a contemplation of the extreme scantiness of hisattire, he shut the door abruptly, and retired upstairs with greatprecipitation.
Smike had made good speed while Nicholas was absent, and with his helpeverything was soon ready for their departure. They scarcely stopped totake a morsel of breakfast, and in less than half an hour arrived at thecoach-office: quite out of breath with the haste they had made to reachit in time. There were yet a few minutes to spare, so, having securedthe places, Nicholas hurried into a slopseller's hard by, and boughtSmike a great-coat. It would have been rather large for a substantialyeoman, but the shopman averring (and with considerable truth) thatit was a most uncommon fit, Nicholas would have purchased it in hisimpatience if it had been twice the size.
As they hurried up to the coach, which was now in the open street andall ready for starting, Nicholas was not a little astonished to findhimself suddenly clutched in a close and violent embrace, which nearlytook him off his legs; nor was his amazement at all lessened by hearingthe voice of Mr Crummles exclaim, 'It is he--my friend, my friend!'
'Bless my heart,' cried Nicholas, struggling in the manager's arms,'what are you about?'
The manager made no reply, but strained him to his breast again,exclaiming as he did so, 'Farewell, my noble, my lion-hearted boy!'
In fact, Mr Crummles, who could never lose any opportunity forprofessional display, had turned out for the express purpose of taking apublic farewell of Nicholas; and to render it the more imposing, he wasnow, to that young gentleman's most profound annoyance, inflicting uponhim a rapid succession of stage embraces, which, as everybody knows, areperformed by the embracer's laying his or her chin on the shoulder ofthe object of affection, and looking over it. This Mr Crummles did inthe highest style of melodrama, pouring forth at the same time allthe most dismal forms of farewell he could think of, out of the stockpieces. Nor was this all, for the elder Master Crummles was goingthrough a similar ceremony with Smike; while Master Percy Crummles, witha very little second-hand camlet cloak, worn theatrically over his leftshoulder, stood by, in the attitude of an attendant officer, waiting toconvey the two victims to the scaffold.
The lookers-on laughed very heartily, and as it was as well to put agood face upon the matter, Nicholas laughed too when he had succeededin disengaging himself; and rescuing the astonished Smike, climbed upto the coach roof after him, and kissed his hand in honour of the absentMrs Crummles as they rolled away.