Chapter 10 - I Become Neglected, And Am Provided For
The first act of business Miss Murdstone performed when the day of thesolemnity was over, and light was freely admitted into the house, wasto give Peggotty a month's warning. Much as Peggotty would have dislikedsuch a service, I believe she would have retained it, for my sake, inpreference to the best upon earth. She told me we must part, and told mewhy; and we condoled with one another, in all sincerity.
As to me or my future, not a word was said, or a step taken. Happythey would have been, I dare say, if they could have dismissed me at amonth's warning too. I mustered courage once, to ask Miss Murdstone whenI was going back to school; and she answered dryly, she believed I wasnot going back at all. I was told nothing more. I was very anxious toknow what was going to be done with me, and so was Peggotty; but neithershe nor I could pick up any information on the subject.
There was one change in my condition, which, while it relieved me ofa great deal of present uneasiness, might have made me, if I had beencapable of considering it closely, yet more uncomfortable about thefuture. It was this. The constraint that had been put upon me, was quiteabandoned. I was so far from being required to keep my dull post inthe parlour, that on several occasions, when I took my seat there, MissMurdstone frowned to me to go away. I was so far from being warned offfrom Peggotty's society, that, provided I was not in Mr. Murdstone's, Iwas never sought out or inquired for. At first I was in daily dread ofhis taking my education in hand again, or of Miss Murdstone'sdevoting herself to it; but I soon began to think that such fears weregroundless, and that all I had to anticipate was neglect.
I do not conceive that this discovery gave me much pain then. I wasstill giddy with the shock of my mother's death, and in a kind ofstunned state as to all tributary things. I can recollect, indeed, tohave speculated, at odd times, on the possibility of my not being taughtany more, or cared for any more; and growing up to be a shabby, moodyman, lounging an idle life away, about the village; as well as on thefeasibility of my getting rid of this picture by going away somewhere,like the hero in a story, to seek my fortune: but these were transientvisions, daydreams I sat looking at sometimes, as if they were faintlypainted or written on the wall of my room, and which, as they meltedaway, left the wall blank again.
'Peggotty,' I said in a thoughtful whisper, one evening, when I waswarming my hands at the kitchen fire, 'Mr. Murdstone likes me less thanhe used to. He never liked me much, Peggotty; but he would rather noteven see me now, if he can help it.'
'Perhaps it's his sorrow,' said Peggotty, stroking my hair.
'I am sure, Peggotty, I am sorry too. If I believed it was his sorrow,I should not think of it at all. But it's not that; oh, no, it's notthat.'
'How do you know it's not that?' said Peggotty, after a silence.
'Oh, his sorrow is another and quite a different thing. He is sorry atthis moment, sitting by the fireside with Miss Murdstone; but if I wasto go in, Peggotty, he would be something besides.'
'What would he be?' said Peggotty.
'Angry,' I answered, with an involuntary imitation of his dark frown.'If he was only sorry, he wouldn't look at me as he does. I am onlysorry, and it makes me feel kinder.'
Peggotty said nothing for a little while; and I warmed my hands, assilent as she.
'Davy,' she said at length.
'Yes, Peggotty?' 'I have tried, my dear, all ways I could think of--allthe ways there are, and all the ways there ain't, in short--to get asuitable service here, in Blunderstone; but there's no such a thing, mylove.'
'And what do you mean to do, Peggotty,' says I, wistfully. 'Do you meanto go and seek your fortune?'
'I expect I shall be forced to go to Yarmouth,' replied Peggotty, 'andlive there.'
'You might have gone farther off,' I said, brightening a little, 'andbeen as bad as lost. I shall see you sometimes, my dear old Peggotty,there. You won't be quite at the other end of the world, will you?'
'Contrary ways, please God!' cried Peggotty, with great animation. 'Aslong as you are here, my pet, I shall come over every week of my life tosee you. One day, every week of my life!'
I felt a great weight taken off my mind by this promise: but even thiswas not all, for Peggotty went on to say:
'I'm a-going, Davy, you see, to my brother's, first, for anotherfortnight's visit--just till I have had time to look about me, andget to be something like myself again. Now, I have been thinking thatperhaps, as they don't want you here at present, you might be let to goalong with me.'
If anything, short of being in a different relation to every one aboutme, Peggotty excepted, could have given me a sense of pleasure at thattime, it would have been this project of all others. The idea of beingagain surrounded by those honest faces, shining welcome on me; ofrenewing the peacefulness of the sweet Sunday morning, when the bellswere ringing, the stones dropping in the water, and the shadowy shipsbreaking through the mist; of roaming up and down with little Em'ly,telling her my troubles, and finding charms against them in the shellsand pebbles on the beach; made a calm in my heart. It was ruffled nextmoment, to be sure, by a doubt of Miss Murdstone's giving her consent;but even that was set at rest soon, for she came out to take an eveninggrope in the store-closet while we were yet in conversation, andPeggotty, with a boldness that amazed me, broached the topic on thespot.
'The boy will be idle there,' said Miss Murdstone, looking into apickle-jar, 'and idleness is the root of all evil. But, to be sure, hewould be idle here--or anywhere, in my opinion.'
Peggotty had an angry answer ready, I could see; but she swallowed itfor my sake, and remained silent.
'Humph!' said Miss Murdstone, still keeping her eye on the pickles;'it is of more importance than anything else--it is of paramountimportance--that my brother should not be disturbed or madeuncomfortable. I suppose I had better say yes.'
I thanked her, without making any demonstration of joy, lest it shouldinduce her to withdraw her assent. Nor could I help thinking this aprudent course, since she looked at me out of the pickle-jar, withas great an access of sourness as if her black eyes had absorbed itscontents. However, the permission was given, and was never retracted;for when the month was out, Peggotty and I were ready to depart.
Mr. Barkis came into the house for Peggotty's boxes. I had never knownhim to pass the garden-gate before, but on this occasion he came intothe house. And he gave me a look as he shouldered the largest box andwent out, which I thought had meaning in it, if meaning could ever besaid to find its way into Mr. Barkis's visage.
Peggotty was naturally in low spirits at leaving what had been her homeso many years, and where the two strong attachments of her life--formy mother and myself--had been formed. She had been walking in thechurchyard, too, very early; and she got into the cart, and sat in itwith her handkerchief at her eyes.
So long as she remained in this condition, Mr. Barkis gave no signof life whatever. He sat in his usual place and attitude like a greatstuffed figure. But when she began to look about her, and to speak tome, he nodded his head and grinned several times. I have not the leastnotion at whom, or what he meant by it.
'It's a beautiful day, Mr. Barkis!' I said, as an act of politeness.
'It ain't bad,' said Mr. Barkis, who generally qualified his speech, andrarely committed himself.
'Peggotty is quite comfortable now, Mr. Barkis,' I remarked, for hissatisfaction.
'Is she, though?' said Mr. Barkis.
After reflecting about it, with a sagacious air, Mr. Barkis eyed her,and said:
'ARE you pretty comfortable?'
Peggotty laughed, and answered in the affirmative.
'But really and truly, you know. Are you?' growled Mr. Barkis, slidingnearer to her on the seat, and nudging her with his elbow. 'Are you?Really and truly pretty comfortable? Are you? Eh?'
At each of these inquiries Mr. Barkis shuffled nearer to her, and gaveher another nudge; so that at last we were all crowded together in theleft-hand corner of the cart, and I was so squeezed that I could hardlybear it.
Peggotty calling his attention to my sufferings, Mr. Barkis gave me alittle more room at once, and got away by degrees. But I could not helpobserving that he seemed to think he had hit upon a wonderful expedientfor expressing himself in a neat, agreeable, and pointed manner, withoutthe inconvenience of inventing conversation. He manifestly chuckled overit for some time. By and by he turned to Peggotty again, and repeating,'Are you pretty comfortable though?' bore down upon us as before, untilthe breath was nearly edged out of my body. By and by he made anotherdescent upon us with the same inquiry, and the same result. At length,I got up whenever I saw him coming, and standing on the foot-board,pretended to look at the prospect; after which I did very well.
He was so polite as to stop at a public-house, expressly on our account,and entertain us with broiled mutton and beer. Even when Peggotty wasin the act of drinking, he was seized with one of those approaches, andalmost choked her. But as we drew nearer to the end of our journey, hehad more to do and less time for gallantry; and when we got on Yarmouthpavement, we were all too much shaken and jolted, I apprehend, to haveany leisure for anything else.
Mr. Peggotty and Ham waited for us at the old place. They received meand Peggotty in an affectionate manner, and shook hands with Mr. Barkis,who, with his hat on the very back of his head, and a shame-faced leerupon his countenance, and pervading his very legs, presented but avacant appearance, I thought. They each took one of Peggotty's trunks,and we were going away, when Mr. Barkis solemnly made a sign to me withhis forefinger to come under an archway.
'I say,' growled Mr. Barkis, 'it was all right.'
I looked up into his face, and answered, with an attempt to be veryprofound: 'Oh!'
'It didn't come to a end there,' said Mr. Barkis, noddingconfidentially. 'It was all right.'
Again I answered, 'Oh!'
'You know who was willin',' said my friend. 'It was Barkis, and Barkisonly.'
I nodded assent.
'It's all right,' said Mr. Barkis, shaking hands; 'I'm a friend ofyour'n. You made it all right, first. It's all right.'
In his attempts to be particularly lucid, Mr. Barkis was so extremelymysterious, that I might have stood looking in his face for an hour, andmost assuredly should have got as much information out of it as outof the face of a clock that had stopped, but for Peggotty's calling meaway. As we were going along, she asked me what he had said; and I toldher he had said it was all right.
'Like his impudence,' said Peggotty, 'but I don't mind that! Davy dear,what should you think if I was to think of being married?'
'Why--I suppose you would like me as much then, Peggotty, as you donow?' I returned, after a little consideration.
Greatly to the astonishment of the passengers in the street, as well asof her relations going on before, the good soul was obliged to stop andembrace me on the spot, with many protestations of her unalterable love.
'Tell me what should you say, darling?' she asked again, when this wasover, and we were walking on.
'If you were thinking of being married--to Mr. Barkis, Peggotty?'
'Yes,' said Peggotty.
'I should think it would be a very good thing. For then you know,Peggotty, you would always have the horse and cart to bring you over tosee me, and could come for nothing, and be sure of coming.'
'The sense of the dear!' cried Peggotty. 'What I have been thinkingof, this month back! Yes, my precious; and I think I should be moreindependent altogether, you see; let alone my working with a betterheart in my own house, than I could in anybody else's now. I don't knowwhat I might be fit for, now, as a servant to a stranger. And I shall bealways near my pretty's resting-place,' said Peggotty, musing, 'and beable to see it when I like; and when I lie down to rest, I may be laidnot far off from my darling girl!'
We neither of us said anything for a little while.
'But I wouldn't so much as give it another thought,' said Peggotty,cheerily 'if my Davy was anyways against it--not if I had been asked inchurch thirty times three times over, and was wearing out the ring in mypocket.'
'Look at me, Peggotty,' I replied; 'and see if I am not really glad, anddon't truly wish it!' As indeed I did, with all my heart.
'Well, my life,' said Peggotty, giving me a squeeze, 'I have thought ofit night and day, every way I can, and I hope the right way; but I'llthink of it again, and speak to my brother about it, and in the meantimewe'll keep it to ourselves, Davy, you and me. Barkis is a good plaincreature,' said Peggotty, 'and if I tried to do my duty by him, I thinkit would be my fault if I wasn't--if I wasn't pretty comfortable,'said Peggotty, laughing heartily. This quotation from Mr. Barkis wasso appropriate, and tickled us both so much, that we laughed again andagain, and were quite in a pleasant humour when we came within view ofMr. Peggotty's cottage.
It looked just the same, except that it may, perhaps, have shrunk alittle in my eyes; and Mrs. Gummidge was waiting at the door as if shehad stood there ever since. All within was the same, down to the seaweedin the blue mug in my bedroom. I went into the out-house to look aboutme; and the very same lobsters, crabs, and crawfish possessed by thesame desire to pinch the world in general, appeared to be in the samestate of conglomeration in the same old corner.
But there was no little Em'ly to be seen, so I asked Mr. Peggotty whereshe was.
'She's at school, sir,' said Mr. Peggotty, wiping the heat consequenton the porterage of Peggotty's box from his forehead; 'she'll be home,'looking at the Dutch clock, 'in from twenty minutes to half-an-hour'stime. We all on us feel the loss of her, bless ye!'
Mrs. Gummidge moaned.
'Cheer up, Mawther!' cried Mr. Peggotty.
'I feel it more than anybody else,' said Mrs. Gummidge; 'I'm a lonelorn creetur', and she used to be a'most the only thing that didn't gocontrary with me.'
Mrs. Gummidge, whimpering and shaking her head, applied herself toblowing the fire. Mr. Peggotty, looking round upon us while she was soengaged, said in a low voice, which he shaded with his hand: 'The old'un!' From this I rightly conjectured that no improvement had takenplace since my last visit in the state of Mrs. Gummidge's spirits.
Now, the whole place was, or it should have been, quite as delightfula place as ever; and yet it did not impress me in the same way. I feltrather disappointed with it. Perhaps it was because little Em'ly wasnot at home. I knew the way by which she would come, and presently foundmyself strolling along the path to meet her.
A figure appeared in the distance before long, and I soon knew it to beEm'ly, who was a little creature still in stature, though she was grown.But when she drew nearer, and I saw her blue eyes looking bluer, and herdimpled face looking brighter, and her whole self prettier and gayer, acurious feeling came over me that made me pretend not to know her, andpass by as if I were looking at something a long way off. I have donesuch a thing since in later life, or I am mistaken.
Little Em'ly didn't care a bit. She saw me well enough; but instead ofturning round and calling after me, ran away laughing. This obliged meto run after her, and she ran so fast that we were very near the cottagebefore I caught her.
'Oh, it's you, is it?' said little Em'ly.
'Why, you knew who it was, Em'ly,' said I.
'And didn't YOU know who it was?' said Em'ly. I was going to kiss her,but she covered her cherry lips with her hands, and said she wasn't ababy now, and ran away, laughing more than ever, into the house.
She seemed to delight in teasing me, which was a change in her Iwondered at very much. The tea table was ready, and our little lockerwas put out in its old place, but instead of coming to sit by me, shewent and bestowed her company upon that grumbling Mrs. Gummidge: and onMr. Peggotty's inquiring why, rumpled her hair all over her face to hideit, and could do nothing but laugh.
'A little puss, it is!' said Mr. Peggotty, patting her with his greathand.
'So sh' is! so sh' is!' cried Ham. 'Mas'r Davy bor', so sh' is!' and hesat and chuckled at her for some time, in a state of mingled admirationand delight, that made his face a burning red.
Little Em'ly was spoiled by them all, in fact; and by no one more thanMr. Peggotty himself, whom she could have coaxed into anything, byonly going and laying her cheek against his rough whisker. That was myopinion, at least, when I saw her do it; and I held Mr. Peggotty to bethoroughly in the right. But she was so affectionate and sweet-natured,and had such a pleasant manner of being both sly and shy at once, thatshe captivated me more than ever.
She was tender-hearted, too; for when, as we sat round the fire aftertea, an allusion was made by Mr. Peggotty over his pipe to the lossI had sustained, the tears stood in her eyes, and she looked at me sokindly across the table, that I felt quite thankful to her.
'Ah!' said Mr. Peggotty, taking up her curls, and running them over hishand like water, 'here's another orphan, you see, sir. And here,' saidMr. Peggotty, giving Ham a backhanded knock in the chest, 'is another of'em, though he don't look much like it.'
'If I had you for my guardian, Mr. Peggotty,' said I, shaking my head,'I don't think I should FEEL much like it.'
'Well said, Mas'r Davy bor'!' cried Ham, in an ecstasy. 'Hoorah! Wellsaid! Nor more you wouldn't! Hor! Hor!'--Here he returned Mr. Peggotty'sback-hander, and little Em'ly got up and kissed Mr. Peggotty. 'And how'syour friend, sir?' said Mr. Peggotty to me.
'Steerforth?' said I.
'That's the name!' cried Mr. Peggotty, turning to Ham. 'I knowed it wassomething in our way.'
'You said it was Rudderford,' observed Ham, laughing.
'Well!' retorted Mr. Peggotty. 'And ye steer with a rudder, don't ye? Itain't fur off. How is he, sir?'
'He was very well indeed when I came away, Mr. Peggotty.'
'There's a friend!' said Mr. Peggotty, stretching out his pipe. 'There'sa friend, if you talk of friends! Why, Lord love my heart alive, if itain't a treat to look at him!'
'He is very handsome, is he not?' said I, my heart warming with thispraise.
'Handsome!' cried Mr. Peggotty. 'He stands up to you like--like a--why Idon't know what he don't stand up to you like. He's so bold!'
'Yes! That's just his character,' said I. 'He's as brave as a lion, andyou can't think how frank he is, Mr. Peggotty.'
'And I do suppose, now,' said Mr. Peggotty, looking at me through thesmoke of his pipe, 'that in the way of book-larning he'd take the windout of a'most anything.'
'Yes,' said I, delighted; 'he knows everything. He is astonishinglyclever.'
'There's a friend!' murmured Mr. Peggotty, with a grave toss of hishead.
'Nothing seems to cost him any trouble,' said I. 'He knows a task if heonly looks at it. He is the best cricketer you ever saw. He will giveyou almost as many men as you like at draughts, and beat you easily.'
Mr. Peggotty gave his head another toss, as much as to say: 'Of coursehe will.'
'He is such a speaker,' I pursued, 'that he can win anybody over; and Idon't know what you'd say if you were to hear him sing, Mr. Peggotty.'
Mr. Peggotty gave his head another toss, as much as to say: 'I have nodoubt of it.'
'Then, he's such a generous, fine, noble fellow,' said I, quite carriedaway by my favourite theme, 'that it's hardly possible to give him asmuch praise as he deserves. I am sure I can never feel thankful enoughfor the generosity with which he has protected me, so much younger andlower in the school than himself.'
I was running on, very fast indeed, when my eyes rested on littleEm'ly's face, which was bent forward over the table, listening with thedeepest attention, her breath held, her blue eyes sparkling like jewels,and the colour mantling in her cheeks. She looked so extraordinarilyearnest and pretty, that I stopped in a sort of wonder; and they allobserved her at the same time, for as I stopped, they laughed and lookedat her.
'Em'ly is like me,' said Peggotty, 'and would like to see him.'
Em'ly was confused by our all observing her, and hung down her head,and her face was covered with blushes. Glancing up presently through herstray curls, and seeing that we were all looking at her still (I am sureI, for one, could have looked at her for hours), she ran away, and keptaway till it was nearly bedtime.
I lay down in the old little bed in the stern of the boat, and the windcame moaning on across the flat as it had done before. But I could nothelp fancying, now, that it moaned of those who were gone; and insteadof thinking that the sea might rise in the night and float the boataway, I thought of the sea that had risen, since I last heard thosesounds, and drowned my happy home. I recollect, as the wind and waterbegan to sound fainter in my ears, putting a short clause into myprayers, petitioning that I might grow up to marry little Em'ly, and sodropping lovingly asleep.
The days passed pretty much as they had passed before, except--it wasa great exception--that little Em'ly and I seldom wandered on the beachnow. She had tasks to learn, and needle-work to do; and was absentduring a great part of each day. But I felt that we should not have hadthose old wanderings, even if it had been otherwise. Wild and full ofchildish whims as Em'ly was, she was more of a little woman than Ihad supposed. She seemed to have got a great distance away from me,in little more than a year. She liked me, but she laughed at me, andtormented me; and when I went to meet her, stole home another way, andwas laughing at the door when I came back, disappointed. The best timeswere when she sat quietly at work in the doorway, and I sat on thewooden step at her feet, reading to her. It seems to me, at thishour, that I have never seen such sunlight as on those bright Aprilafternoons; that I have never seen such a sunny little figure as I usedto see, sitting in the doorway of the old boat; that I have never beheldsuch sky, such water, such glorified ships sailing away into golden air.
On the very first evening after our arrival, Mr. Barkis appeared in anexceedingly vacant and awkward condition, and with a bundle of orangestied up in a handkerchief. As he made no allusion of any kind to thisproperty, he was supposed to have left it behind him by accident whenhe went away; until Ham, running after him to restore it, came back withthe information that it was intended for Peggotty. After that occasionhe appeared every evening at exactly the same hour, and always with alittle bundle, to which he never alluded, and which he regularly putbehind the door and left there. These offerings of affection were of amost various and eccentric description. Among them I remember a doubleset of pigs' trotters, a huge pin-cushion, half a bushel or so ofapples, a pair of jet earrings, some Spanish onions, a box of dominoes,a canary bird and cage, and a leg of pickled pork.
Mr. Barkis's wooing, as I remember it, was altogether of a peculiarkind. He very seldom said anything; but would sit by the fire in muchthe same attitude as he sat in his cart, and stare heavily at Peggotty,who was opposite. One night, being, as I suppose, inspired by love, hemade a dart at the bit of wax-candle she kept for her thread, and putit in his waistcoat-pocket and carried it off. After that, his greatdelight was to produce it when it was wanted, sticking to the lining ofhis pocket, in a partially melted state, and pocket it again when it wasdone with. He seemed to enjoy himself very much, and not to feel at allcalled upon to talk. Even when he took Peggotty out for a walk on theflats, he had no uneasiness on that head, I believe; contenting himselfwith now and then asking her if she was pretty comfortable; and Iremember that sometimes, after he was gone, Peggotty would throw herapron over her face, and laugh for half-an-hour. Indeed, we wereall more or less amused, except that miserable Mrs. Gummidge, whosecourtship would appear to have been of an exactly parallel nature, shewas so continually reminded by these transactions of the old one.
At length, when the term of my visit was nearly expired, it was givenout that Peggotty and Mr. Barkis were going to make a day's holidaytogether, and that little Em'ly and I were to accompany them. I had buta broken sleep the night before, in anticipation of the pleasure ofa whole day with Em'ly. We were all astir betimes in the morning; andwhile we were yet at breakfast, Mr. Barkis appeared in the distance,driving a chaise-cart towards the object of his affections.
Peggotty was dressed as usual, in her neat and quiet mourning; but Mr.Barkis bloomed in a new blue coat, of which the tailor had given himsuch good measure, that the cuffs would have rendered gloves unnecessaryin the coldest weather, while the collar was so high that it pushed hishair up on end on the top of his head. His bright buttons, too, wereof the largest size. Rendered complete by drab pantaloons and a buffwaistcoat, I thought Mr. Barkis a phenomenon of respectability.
When we were all in a bustle outside the door, I found that Mr. Peggottywas prepared with an old shoe, which was to be thrown after us for luck,and which he offered to Mrs. Gummidge for that purpose.
'No. It had better be done by somebody else, Dan'l,' said Mrs. Gummidge.'I'm a lone lorn creetur' myself, and everythink that reminds me ofcreetur's that ain't lone and lorn, goes contrary with me.'
'Come, old gal!' cried Mr. Peggotty. 'Take and heave it.'
'No, Dan'l,' returned Mrs. Gummidge, whimpering and shaking her head.'If I felt less, I could do more. You don't feel like me, Dan'l; thinksdon't go contrary with you, nor you with them; you had better do ityourself.'
But here Peggotty, who had been going about from one to another in ahurried way, kissing everybody, called out from the cart, in which weall were by this time (Em'ly and I on two little chairs, side by side),that Mrs. Gummidge must do it. So Mrs. Gummidge did it; and, I am sorryto relate, cast a damp upon the festive character of our departure, byimmediately bursting into tears, and sinking subdued into the arms ofHam, with the declaration that she knowed she was a burden, and hadbetter be carried to the House at once. Which I really thought was asensible idea, that Ham might have acted on.
Away we went, however, on our holiday excursion; and the first thingwe did was to stop at a church, where Mr. Barkis tied the horse to somerails, and went in with Peggotty, leaving little Em'ly and me alone inthe chaise. I took that occasion to put my arm round Em'ly's waist, andpropose that as I was going away so very soon now, we should determineto be very affectionate to one another, and very happy, all day. LittleEm'ly consenting, and allowing me to kiss her, I became desperate;informing her, I recollect, that I never could love another, and thatI was prepared to shed the blood of anybody who should aspire to heraffections.
How merry little Em'ly made herself about it! With what a demureassumption of being immensely older and wiser than I, the fairy littlewoman said I was 'a silly boy'; and then laughed so charmingly thatI forgot the pain of being called by that disparaging name, in thepleasure of looking at her.
Mr. Barkis and Peggotty were a good while in the church, but came out atlast, and then we drove away into the country. As we were going along,Mr. Barkis turned to me, and said, with a wink,--by the by, I shouldhardly have thought, before, that he could wink:
'What name was it as I wrote up in the cart?'
'Clara Peggotty,' I answered.
'What name would it be as I should write up now, if there was a tilthere?'
'Clara Peggotty, again?' I suggested.
'Clara Peggotty BARKIS!' he returned, and burst into a roar of laughterthat shook the chaise.
In a word, they were married, and had gone into the church for no otherpurpose. Peggotty was resolved that it should be quietly done; andthe clerk had given her away, and there had been no witnesses of theceremony. She was a little confused when Mr. Barkis made this abruptannouncement of their union, and could not hug me enough in token of herunimpaired affection; but she soon became herself again, and said shewas very glad it was over.
We drove to a little inn in a by-road, where we were expected, andwhere we had a very comfortable dinner, and passed the day with greatsatisfaction. If Peggotty had been married every day for the last tenyears, she could hardly have been more at her ease about it; it made nosort of difference in her: she was just the same as ever, and wentout for a stroll with little Em'ly and me before tea, while Mr. Barkisphilosophically smoked his pipe, and enjoyed himself, I suppose, withthe contemplation of his happiness. If so, it sharpened his appetite;for I distinctly call to mind that, although he had eaten a good deal ofpork and greens at dinner, and had finished off with a fowl or two, hewas obliged to have cold boiled bacon for tea, and disposed of a largequantity without any emotion.
I have often thought, since, what an odd, innocent, out-of-the-way kindof wedding it must have been! We got into the chaise again soon afterdark, and drove cosily back, looking up at the stars, and talking aboutthem. I was their chief exponent, and opened Mr. Barkis's mind toan amazing extent. I told him all I knew, but he would have believedanything I might have taken it into my head to impart to him; for hehad a profound veneration for my abilities, and informed his wife in myhearing, on that very occasion, that I was 'a young Roeshus'--by which Ithink he meant prodigy.
When we had exhausted the subject of the stars, or rather when I hadexhausted the mental faculties of Mr. Barkis, little Em'ly and I made acloak of an old wrapper, and sat under it for the rest of the journey.Ah, how I loved her! What happiness (I thought) if we were married,and were going away anywhere to live among the trees and in the fields,never growing older, never growing wiser, children ever, rambling handin hand through sunshine and among flowery meadows, laying down ourheads on moss at night, in a sweet sleep of purity and peace, and buriedby the birds when we were dead! Some such picture, with no real world init, bright with the light of our innocence, and vague as the stars afaroff, was in my mind all the way. I am glad to think there were two suchguileless hearts at Peggotty's marriage as little Em'ly's and mine. Iam glad to think the Loves and Graces took such airy forms in its homelyprocession.
Well, we came to the old boat again in good time at night; and thereMr. and Mrs. Barkis bade us good-bye, and drove away snugly to theirown home. I felt then, for the first time, that I had lost Peggotty. Ishould have gone to bed with a sore heart indeed under any other roofbut that which sheltered little Em'ly's head.
Mr. Peggotty and Ham knew what was in my thoughts as well as I did, andwere ready with some supper and their hospitable faces to drive it away.Little Em'ly came and sat beside me on the locker for the only time inall that visit; and it was altogether a wonderful close to a wonderfulday.
It was a night tide; and soon after we went to bed, Mr. Peggotty and Hamwent out to fish. I felt very brave at being left alone in the solitaryhouse, the protector of Em'ly and Mrs. Gummidge, and only wished thata lion or a serpent, or any ill-disposed monster, would make an attackupon us, that I might destroy him, and cover myself with glory. But asnothing of the sort happened to be walking about on Yarmouth flats thatnight, I provided the best substitute I could by dreaming of dragonsuntil morning.
With morning came Peggotty; who called to me, as usual, under my windowas if Mr. Barkis the carrier had been from first to last a dream too.After breakfast she took me to her own home, and a beautiful littlehome it was. Of all the moveables in it, I must have been impressed bya certain old bureau of some dark wood in the parlour (the tile-flooredkitchen was the general sitting-room), with a retreating top whichopened, let down, and became a desk, within which was a large quartoedition of Foxe's Book of Martyrs. This precious volume, of which I donot recollect one word, I immediately discovered and immediately appliedmyself to; and I never visited the house afterwards, but I kneeled ona chair, opened the casket where this gem was enshrined, spread my armsover the desk, and fell to devouring the book afresh. I was chieflyedified, I am afraid, by the pictures, which were numerous, andrepresented all kinds of dismal horrors; but the Martyrs and Peggotty'shouse have been inseparable in my mind ever since, and are now.
I took leave of Mr. Peggotty, and Ham, and Mrs. Gummidge, and littleEm'ly, that day; and passed the night at Peggotty's, in a little roomin the roof (with the Crocodile Book on a shelf by the bed's head) whichwas to be always mine, Peggotty said, and should always be kept for mein exactly the same state.
'Young or old, Davy dear, as long as I am alive and have this house overmy head,' said Peggotty, 'you shall find it as if I expected you heredirectly minute. I shall keep it every day, as I used to keep your oldlittle room, my darling; and if you was to go to China, you might thinkof it as being kept just the same, all the time you were away.'
I felt the truth and constancy of my dear old nurse, with all my heart,and thanked her as well as I could. That was not very well, for shespoke to me thus, with her arms round my neck, in the morning, and I wasgoing home in the morning, and I went home in the morning, with herselfand Mr. Barkis in the cart. They left me at the gate, not easily orlightly; and it was a strange sight to me to see the cart go on, takingPeggotty away, and leaving me under the old elm-trees looking at thehouse, in which there was no face to look on mine with love or likingany more.
And now I fell into a state of neglect, which I cannot look back uponwithout compassion. I fell at once into a solitary condition,--apartfrom all friendly notice, apart from the society of all other boys ofmy own age, apart from all companionship but my own spiritlessthoughts,--which seems to cast its gloom upon this paper as I write.
What would I have given, to have been sent to the hardest school thatever was kept!--to have been taught something, anyhow, anywhere! Nosuch hope dawned upon me. They disliked me; and they sullenly, sternly,steadily, overlooked me. I think Mr. Murdstone's means were straitenedat about this time; but it is little to the purpose. He could not bearme; and in putting me from him he tried, as I believe, to put away thenotion that I had any claim upon him--and succeeded.
I was not actively ill-used. I was not beaten, or starved; but the wrongthat was done to me had no intervals of relenting, and was done in asystematic, passionless manner. Day after day, week after week, monthafter month, I was coldly neglected. I wonder sometimes, when I thinkof it, what they would have done if I had been taken with an illness;whether I should have lain down in my lonely room, and languishedthrough it in my usual solitary way, or whether anybody would havehelped me out.
When Mr. and Miss Murdstone were at home, I took my meals with them; intheir absence, I ate and drank by myself. At all times I lounged aboutthe house and neighbourhood quite disregarded, except that they werejealous of my making any friends: thinking, perhaps, that if I did, Imight complain to someone. For this reason, though Mr. Chillip oftenasked me to go and see him (he was a widower, having, some years beforethat, lost a little small light-haired wife, whom I can just rememberconnecting in my own thoughts with a pale tortoise-shell cat), it wasbut seldom that I enjoyed the happiness of passing an afternoon in hiscloset of a surgery; reading some book that was new to me, withthe smell of the whole Pharmacopoeia coming up my nose, or poundingsomething in a mortar under his mild directions.
For the same reason, added no doubt to the old dislike of her, I wasseldom allowed to visit Peggotty. Faithful to her promise, she eithercame to see me, or met me somewhere near, once every week, and neverempty-handed; but many and bitter were the disappointments I had, inbeing refused permission to pay a visit to her at her house. Some fewtimes, however, at long intervals, I was allowed to go there; and thenI found out that Mr. Barkis was something of a miser, or as Peggottydutifully expressed it, was 'a little near', and kept a heap of moneyin a box under his bed, which he pretended was only full of coatsand trousers. In this coffer, his riches hid themselves with such atenacious modesty, that the smallest instalments could only be temptedout by artifice; so that Peggotty had to prepare a long and elaboratescheme, a very Gunpowder Plot, for every Saturday's expenses.
All this time I was so conscious of the waste of any promise I hadgiven, and of my being utterly neglected, that I should have beenperfectly miserable, I have no doubt, but for the old books. They weremy only comfort; and I was as true to them as they were to me, and readthem over and over I don't know how many times more.
I now approach a period of my life, which I can never lose theremembrance of, while I remember anything: and the recollection ofwhich has often, without my invocation, come before me like a ghost, andhaunted happier times.
I had been out, one day, loitering somewhere, in the listless,meditative manner that my way of life engendered, when, turning thecorner of a lane near our house, I came upon Mr. Murdstone walking witha gentleman. I was confused, and was going by them, when the gentlemancried:
'What! Brooks!'
'No, sir, David Copperfield,' I said.
'Don't tell me. You are Brooks,' said the gentleman. 'You are Brooks ofSheffield. That's your name.'
At these words, I observed the gentleman more attentively. His laughcoming to my remembrance too, I knew him to be Mr. Quinion, whom Ihad gone over to Lowestoft with Mr. Murdstone to see, before--it is nomatter--I need not recall when.
'And how do you get on, and where are you being educated, Brooks?' saidMr. Quinion.
He had put his hand upon my shoulder, and turned me about, to walkwith them. I did not know what to reply, and glanced dubiously at Mr.Murdstone.
'He is at home at present,' said the latter. 'He is not being educatedanywhere. I don't know what to do with him. He is a difficult subject.'
That old, double look was on me for a moment; and then his eyes darkenedwith a frown, as it turned, in its aversion, elsewhere.
'Humph!' said Mr. Quinion, looking at us both, I thought. 'Fineweather!'
Silence ensued, and I was considering how I could best disengage myshoulder from his hand, and go away, when he said:
'I suppose you are a pretty sharp fellow still? Eh, Brooks?'
'Aye! He is sharp enough,' said Mr. Murdstone, impatiently. 'You hadbetter let him go. He will not thank you for troubling him.'
On this hint, Mr. Quinion released me, and I made the best of myway home. Looking back as I turned into the front garden, I saw Mr.Murdstone leaning against the wicket of the churchyard, and Mr. Quiniontalking to him. They were both looking after me, and I felt that theywere speaking of me.
Mr. Quinion lay at our house that night. After breakfast, the nextmorning, I had put my chair away, and was going out of the room, whenMr. Murdstone called me back. He then gravely repaired to another table,where his sister sat herself at her desk. Mr. Quinion, with his handsin his pockets, stood looking out of window; and I stood looking at themall.
'David,' said Mr. Murdstone, 'to the young this is a world for action;not for moping and droning in.' --'As you do,' added his sister.
'Jane Murdstone, leave it to me, if you please. I say, David, to theyoung this is a world for action, and not for moping and droning in. Itis especially so for a young boy of your disposition, which requires agreat deal of correcting; and to which no greater service can be donethan to force it to conform to the ways of the working world, and tobend it and break it.'
'For stubbornness won't do here,' said his sister 'What it wants is, tobe crushed. And crushed it must be. Shall be, too!'
He gave her a look, half in remonstrance, half in approval, and went on:
'I suppose you know, David, that I am not rich. At any rate, you know itnow. You have received some considerable education already. Education iscostly; and even if it were not, and I could afford it, I am of opinionthat it would not be at all advantageous to you to be kept at school.What is before you, is a fight with the world; and the sooner you beginit, the better.'
I think it occurred to me that I had already begun it, in my poor way:but it occurs to me now, whether or no.
'You have heard the "counting-house" mentioned sometimes,' said Mr.Murdstone.
'The counting-house, sir?' I repeated. 'Of Murdstone and Grinby, in thewine trade,' he replied.
I suppose I looked uncertain, for he went on hastily:
'You have heard the "counting-house" mentioned, or the business, or thecellars, or the wharf, or something about it.'
'I think I have heard the business mentioned, sir,' I said, rememberingwhat I vaguely knew of his and his sister's resources. 'But I don't knowwhen.'
'It does not matter when,' he returned. 'Mr. Quinion manages thatbusiness.'
I glanced at the latter deferentially as he stood looking out of window.
'Mr. Quinion suggests that it gives employment to some other boys,and that he sees no reason why it shouldn't, on the same terms, giveemployment to you.'
'He having,' Mr. Quinion observed in a low voice, and half turninground, 'no other prospect, Murdstone.'
Mr. Murdstone, with an impatient, even an angry gesture, resumed,without noticing what he had said:
'Those terms are, that you will earn enough for yourself to provide foryour eating and drinking, and pocket-money. Your lodging (which I havearranged for) will be paid by me. So will your washing--'
'--Which will be kept down to my estimate,' said his sister.
'Your clothes will be looked after for you, too,' said Mr. Murdstone;'as you will not be able, yet awhile, to get them for yourself. So youare now going to London, David, with Mr. Quinion, to begin the world onyour own account.'
'In short, you are provided for,' observed his sister; 'and will pleaseto do your duty.'
Though I quite understood that the purpose of this announcement wasto get rid of me, I have no distinct remembrance whether it pleasedor frightened me. My impression is, that I was in a state of confusionabout it, and, oscillating between the two points, touched neither. Norhad I much time for the clearing of my thoughts, as Mr. Quinion was togo upon the morrow.
Behold me, on the morrow, in a much-worn little white hat, with a blackcrape round it for my mother, a black jacket, and a pair of hard, stiffcorduroy trousers--which Miss Murdstone considered the best armour forthe legs in that fight with the world which was now to come off. Beholdme so attired, and with my little worldly all before me in a smalltrunk, sitting, a lone lorn child (as Mrs. Gummidge might have said),in the post-chaise that was carrying Mr. Quinion to the London coach atYarmouth! See, how our house and church are lessening in the distance;how the grave beneath the tree is blotted out by intervening objects;how the spire points upwards from my old playground no more, and the skyis empty!