惦念不识字的汪大娘
张中行先生笔下有个汪大娘,乡下进京就给一家富贵人家当下人,日夜操劳,自得其乐。文革暴风一刮,主人怀璧其罪,自然难逃调查审问之霉运。汪大娘既是下人,理应满心阶级仇恨,真是最理想的证人。岂料大娘没学过阶级斗争的理论,又不识时务,有碗说碗,有碟说碟,毫不醒目。人家问她:“你伺候他们,总吃了不少苦吧?”答曰:“一点不苦。我们老爷太太待我很好。他们都是好人。连孩子们也不坏,他们不敢到厨房淘气。”问者哭笑不得,放她走了。张老说,汪大娘年及古稀,竟连故宫都没去过,“我吃了比她多读几本书的亏,听到这件事,反而有些轻微的黍离、麦秀之思,秀才人情,心里叨念一句:‘汪大娘不识字,有福了!’”
“黍离”典出《诗·王风》,说西周亡后,周大夫过故宗庙宫室,尽为禾黍,彷徨不忍去;“麦秀”是指箕子朝周,过故废墟,感宫室毁坏,生禾黍,心伤之,作《麦秀》之诗歌;后来两者都用为感慨亡国触景生情之词。张老借了这个淒美的意念去点破读书人伤春悲秋的怀抱,反而不如汪大娘心灵平静。这是实话。经过了十年大革命的风风雨雨逃出生天的知识分子,谁都会沉痛体会到识字是苦难浩劫的祸根,同时却又加倍尊重知识的尊严,珍惜语文的功能,宝爱文化的价值。我没有亲身经历过这一场血泪写出来的十年历史,看到重生的知识分子笔下的一字一句,纵然是用淡淡的笔墨去流露大大的宽容,我也不禁悲从中来,想到一位年轻作家俯在胡风耳边说的那句话:“老人家,你替我们受苦了!”
知识是非常难求的宝藏。写作是非常艰辛的工作。我常常想起George Gissing《四季零墨》里的一段话:“今之男女,煮字以疗飢者多不胜数,实则得以靠此维生者万中无一。此辈中人或因别无他技而舞文弄墨,或因惯见文人一行自立门户、风光无穷而效颦操觚,不惜乞哀告怜,举债渡日,终致进退维谷,悔之晚矣,不知如何是好?区区一生命途多舛,回首前尘,深感鼓励晚辈以文谋生,简直罪过。”(“Innumerable are the men and women now writing for bread, who have not the least chance of finding in such work a permanent livelihood. They took to writing because they knew not what else to do, or because the literary calling tempted them by its independence and its dazzling prices. They will hang on to the squalid profession, their earnings eked out by begging and borrowing, until it is too late for them to do anything else - and what then? With a lifetime of dread experience behind me, I say that he who encourages any young man or woman to look for his living to 'literature', commits no less than a crime.”)