寄伦敦的信
What a lovely surprise to receive your letter; neat, clean, controlled-unlike my own, but like those from my dear friends.... I'm delighted that you now seem to have found your feet. You should have a much more interesting time and lead a much more gratifying existence in London than in Hong Kong.... The day has come, at long last.... I miss my soul-mates like you and all the others who've upped and gone. Peter is an interesting bloke. I haven't seen him for 6 months and I hear he's disillusioned. I'm not sure he quite knows what he wants....
Yes. The day has come, at long last,在你最爱吃的荔枝上市的时节。想到这样的日子,我突然觉得我不应该再给你写英文信了,虽然你是英国人。十几二十年前在北京和台湾住了那么久,你对中国的认识,你的中文造诣,你绝对明白我的心情。明天就是政权移交的日子了,我们这里跟随中国的说法,叫“回归”。你学中文的年代当然还不时兴这个词。你小声用国语念这两个字,温馨得很,不是吗?我也很喜欢这两个字,跟你们英文的home-coming一样那么soul-inspiring。可是这一阵子所有的人都在用这两个字,像月亮,走到哪里都会看到,实在有点滑稽,弄得我没有办法正确表达我心里对七月一日的感受,我只好改说“回家”,说“归人”。……
台湾的报纸要我写回归文章,剪裁修补之后,大概也有五六千字长。我不知道他们什么时候刊登,没法遵照你信上的吩咐寄给你看。记得那天夜里灯下走笔,我在“楔子”里说,一九六十年夏末,我乘坐一艘破旧的日本兴安丸轮船从南洋到台湾去念书,全程九天九夜,第七天夜里船到香港停留一个晚上,乘客不准上岸,我在船上远远观赏香港的夜景和晨曦,觉得很漂亮。那是我第一次邂逅香港。我记得我跟你说过我是一九六五年来香港定居的。在你的国家住了七年之后,我还是舍不得这个小小的殖民地,又回来住到现在了。三十几年的感情了,真应了你的中国话口头禅:不知从何说起?
我在“楔子”里接着说:“这是中西意识形态的交会点:韩素音瞬息缤纷的恋情;张爱玲暗香浮动的绣像;还有那千千万万流亡的中国读书人的泪影和笑声;千千万万冒险的中国生意人的拚搏和兴旺。海的那一边是火红的故国:她打一个喷嚏香港就发烧;她捱几顿饿香港就胃痛。突然之间,九七来了。日常生活里连柴米油盐酱醋茶都染着英国名门望族品味的殖民地精英不走。在大英帝国悠悠的安魂曲中,他们低吟瑞典大导演英玛·保曼名片Fanny and Alexander的一段话……”
我还在写我想写和不想写的文章。It's a specialized business and to exercise it too long may very well unfit a man for anything else....因此,万一有一天不准我乱写作乱读书,我真不知道我还能做什么差事餬口……我没有想到T.S.真的过去了。该是七十一岁;在英国也住了四十七、八年了吧?想到他,我又想到人家写L B Namier的一句话:“His pleasure in staying in the English country house was part of the romantic Anglomania which remained with him to the end of his days.”
Miss you. Miss London. Take care.
你的老朋友
九七·六·二十九